If you’re like me than you’re heading towards fifty, at a sprint, and your youngest child, children in my case, are moving out, going to college, etc. I am super proud of my daughters. They are nineteen and moving into a place that I probably couldn’t afford on my own well into my 20’s. It’s in a nice neighborhood, close to their school, and they made sure that they wouldn’t have to come to me for money if something unexpected happens. Basically they made a great plan and have taken the necessary steps so they can stick to it. You’re probably wondering why I’m even writing this blog if I am so happy for my daughters, the problem is I think my wife and I, especially my wife, are having trouble letting go. Here are a few ideas that you can do to try to cut the ties and open up a new chapter in your life:
1. Get to know your spouse again- I’m not sure about you but I know I haven’t had a moment of quiet time with my wife since 1987 and our son was born. Since then it’s been what do the kids want, where do the kids want to go, am I spending enough time with the kids. Oh and of course work, if it wasn’t work it was kids and if it wasn’t kids it was work. I recommend a date night. My wife and I have found another couple that is also in our situation, their youngest is a senior in high school this year, and we have a double-date every few weeks with them and when we’re not with them we try to have a one-on-one date.
2. Spend time with the child before they go- I have spent so much time with my daughters for the past few months I am considering picking them both up and carrying them to their apartment today. We’ve been so close that everything they do is starting to bother me. This seems like a good place to be before they move. Maybe you shouldn’t be as extreme as me but the last thing you want is to regret not spending those last few weeks/months with your child before they leave.
3. Get involved with their decision-making- On a side note, I am not recommending that you make the decisions for them, instead I am saying to help, steer, observe, etc. If you know that your kid is in a great spot and is making great decisions for themselves it is a lot easier to let them go. When my son moved out he moved into this cheap-dingy looking place that got broken into after a month. Obviously, the break-in did not put my wife’s mind at ease, and she made smothering him a full and part time job.
4. Do things you normally wouldn’t do when you had the kids at home- We all know that no matter how old the child is, 18 or 25, if they still live at home and even when they're not, you are still giving up certain things to take care of them. As soon as my daughter’s leave I am turning one of their rooms into a man cave and the other into a guest bedroom. I also plan on golfing whenever I want, I love golfing but with the price of 2 prom dresses, 2 graduation gowns, 2 senior trips, their insurance, the extremely high electric bill because Tatiana doesn’t like sleeping in the dark, etc. a new set of golf clubs wasn’t exactly in my budget, now they will be.
These are the tips I am and will use when my daughters leave home. I hope a couple of these will help you adjust to your empty nest.
Connect. Share. Learn.Welcome to ActiveRain, the #1 social community for real estate professionals.
Posted by 
;)
;)
29 Comments on The Dreaded Empty Nest
Ron, your Daughters are lucky to have a Dad like you. Enjoy your time with your Wife.
Life goes in phases...for everyone I might add. Being a father is one of them, a husband another and the list is endless
Very good advice about a situation that a lot of us are or will be facing soon. My oldest just turned 13, but I've already started thinking about this. You are so right that it's not only a sad thing to see them go, but an opportunity.
Gretchen
I have been through the empty nesting process and it is very lonely feeling for the first couple of weeks. Then you kinda get into the groove and start loving it. We really looked forward to the return visits and made it special family time. Ron, it sounds like you are prepared.
The empty nest feeling is quite overwhelming at times, the cell phone makes a huge differnce text messages to say how are you doing text pictures of where they are at all gets you into feeling that you are with them. I have wonderful children that stay in touch call email text send photos of themselves. We can prepare ourselves for thier departure but it really does just take time. As a mother you are supposed to help them but when that help is no longer needed you kinda feel lost but it sure is nice to know that they really do need you just not in the same manner,,, like a hey how are you thinking of you I love you have a blessed day. A prayer sent thier way lets them know you love them and are proud of them and their new jobs. Life is ever changing and change is never easy but well worth the trip.
I have four daughters and live is VERY busy, but one day we will have an empty nest. Great advice on what to do with all the extra time on your hands.
Hi Ron, great post. Your wife will be missing them for a short while, then she will also re-learn her new life and enjoy it.
Oh, Ron! It's really the dreaded Boomerang Kid! So many of my sellers want to downsize before the kids try to move back in!
I love this post and it really touched my heart. My oldest graduated from college one year ago and it was so hard on my when she left...she now lives a little closer then when she went off to college..and she visits often...I also have twin 5 year old girls..so I get to do this all over again. Boy, am I enjoying them..ever moment...so much fun because I know how fast it goes and how fast 50 is approaching! Thanks for the post.
Ron, I have two brother and sister-in-laws have become empty nesters within the last couple of years, they're loving it. Enjoy.
Empty nesting, too! (Although for a while, the birdies flew back home...) - but they're on their own again, now. It's a love/hate thing for me. I love the privacy and time alone with my husband - but I hate not seeing them regularly - 2 of them are out of state. Ceaser & I have done date night once-a-week for years. It's wonderful! We started when the kids were in high school. Ok - sometimes we ended taking them with us - but for the most part, we've held strictly to it, and it was worth it.
Great Post!
Enjoy the empty nest. Before long, they will reproduce and you will fall so in love with the grandkids that it almost makes having kids worth the struggle! My daughter has 4 year old twin girls and they are the love of my life, but I'm always glad to see them go home!
I can relate about the getting close to fifty...You seem to be a great person to your wife and family, A+ in my book.
Don't worry in time you two will get use to the space...wait til they come back to visit:)
I just returned for a "house hunting" trip in VA where my son will attend law school. . . I will be that 50 in 1 week. . . I loved your post
Thanks!
Hello Ron,
I know exactly what you mean. We had one daughter and 16 months later we had twins (all 3 girls). When all the bills came in, they piled up fast.
With that all said and done, look to the future especially when they live near by. They will take on a new appreciation about who their parents are. Take a little time once in a while to have lunch or supper with them one-on-one. That is when they will learn a about you and who they are related to.
For example, one of my daughters lives and works near where I live. She is going to college and working full time (and is married). We meet once a week at her school to talk about work and give a little help with school. On other days off she will do something with her Mom. It is great when they get older and you can tell them stories about what they did when they were little.
Treasure all the memories you can.
I've got 19 and 16. What does get to know your spouse mean?
Just kidding. After all these years it is strange...
I like my empty nest.. it's actually far from empty since we stay so busy and are never bored. :)
Great Tips Ron. Our last child graduates from high school this May and then will be off to college. It's going to be strange to have a quiet (and clean) house on a regular basis.
Great advice Ron, we went through this a few years ago when 1 went off to college and another went to a seminary high school. Luckily the the one who went away for high school, came back and decided to live at home while going to college. A second chance that I didn't think that we would get.
Thanks for all of your words of encouragement and advice. What's strange is that I've already gone through this once, when my son left... This time it just feels different. Maybe it's the fact that it's two of them moving at once, maybe it's because they are the last two, and maybe it's because they're my baby girls... I'm excited for them to move out, just as much as I'm dreading it, but I think it will be a new experience. My wife and I have had kids in the house for 26 years, it's going to be a great adjustment without them, one I am looking forward to making. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedules to read this post.