As Human beings we are naturally creatures of habit. The older we get the more willing we seem to be to find a comfort zone and stay in it. We have a tendency to procrastinate by getting stuck into our daily routines which somehow have a way of overwhelming us. Days, months and years pass us by, in what seems like a bat of an eyelid, until one day we wake up and realize that we haven’t achieved half the things we hoped for, or dreamt about, when we were younger.

Does this sound familiar to you? Now why should that be?

I would like you to take a moment and think back to your childhood days when you created your imaginary worlds and acted them out in the real world. Think about how you felt. My guess is that back then anything was possible. You did not stop to think about the consequences. You didn’t have any fears or doubts. There was nothing to hold you back. You were the sole creator of everything.

How many times did you fearlessly do something like climb up a tree and get stuck? You did not worry about getting stuck. You just went ahead and climbed the tree. You only worried about getting down when the need arose. Each event occupied its own time and space. You never thought that far ahead. You took one step at a time and crossed each bridge when you came to it. You never thought about failing or having failed. The aim was to climb the tree which you succeeded in doing.

So, why should things be any different when you become an adult? The blessing of being an adult is that we have an acquired sense of knowledge from our experiences that help us make more appropriate judgments. The curse of this knowledge though is that we let it hold us back by misusing it to create possible unfounded fears in our minds.

Lets look at the example of our tree. As adults who want to climb the tree, we stand there considering how we are going to get down before we even start to think about how to climb it. Our immediate thoughts are: “What if I get stuck”?, “Who will rescue me if I get stuck”?, “If someone has to rescue me, they will think I am an idiot - at my age - climbing a tree and getting stuck”.

If we have not begun climbing yet, how can we possibly know whether there will be a clear way for us to get down?.

What has happened here? Well, technically, we have had a goal shift without even realizing it. Instead of climbing the tree, our goal has now become getting down. We stand there, before the tree, having a series of negative thoughts and internal dialogues with ourselves, until we are completely dissuaded from our original goal. Instead of thinking positively about creative ways we could get down, i.e. by following the same path we use to climb, we choose to persuade ourselves that we cannot do it - full stop. So, we give up. We walk away from the tree and do not even make an attempt at it.

The problem is though that when we have walked away, we still have a lingering bitter taste of disappointment in ourselves. It is another goal gone by the way side. It is another negative self-judgment, which is now stored in our personality profile. It is another element we add to our failure list.

So, what happens next? Well slowly but surely, as we accumulate negative thoughts about ourselves and about the things we failed to do, we start to shy away from things we would like to do simply because we think we know we are going to fail. We make no attempt at anything that will disappoint us again. We do not trust ourselves anymore. We become insecure and lose best part, if not all, of our self-confidence. So, we only apply ourselves to the realm of things that, (we think), we know for sure that we can succeed at. We create a world around us that is safe and stay locked up in it.

Essentially, we have unwittingly and yet willingly become our own worst enemy by creating an image of ourselves as failures, as losers and as people who are not blessed with special capacities like others who seem to succeed at everything they do. The truth is that we are not giving ourselves a chance. From thereon in, we seem to prefer to shut out any opportunity that we think goes beyond our readily misconstrued abilities and we sadistically deny our true capacity for achievement any benefit of the doubt.

The end result?

We unconsciously or consciously, as the case may be, resent ourselves. We resent those around us because we love to lay blame on them for our shortcomings. We overeat to compensate and then hate ourselves for being overweight. It’s a classic vicious circle in an ongoing spiral. We are unfulfilled and dissatisfied with our job because it does not align with our original goals. We fail to make promotions in our jobs because, although we believe we are up to it, our external behavior tells the world otherwise. We have difficulties in our relationships because, in this frame of being, we choose partners who either over-compensate for us, which in the long term makes us feel completely worthless or under-compensate for us, who in the short term makes us feel better about ourselves.

As human beings we are masters of many disguises. We accommodate ourselves and just plod along accepting second or third best instead of the best for us. One day though, when we least expect it, who we truly seeks revenge as it demands to be unleashed. The question is: Are you really going to wait until that happens or are you going to take action now?

It is not enough to just hope, wish or think that something is going to happen as the book “The Secret” would have the masses believe. Although the book represents marketing techniques at their best and offers encouragement and hope to those who otherwise would have none, the truth is that it is not enough to just put a thought out into the universe. It is not enough to just go to bed wishing for change and expect that the next morning your life will automatically be different.

Positive thinking alone will not get a plan put into action. Admittedly, positive thinking creates a positive frame of mind and a positive frame of mind helps to take action. But, if you do nothing, you will achieve nothing and nothing is what you will get back. After all, if you want to grow an apple tree, you need to plant a seed first. Even the Law of Attraction is based on the principle that some kind of effort is required on someones behalf.

There is an Italian motto that says: “Dio aiuta chi si aiuta”, which translated means: “God helps those who help themselves”. So, you need to take action. You need to take responsibility for yourself in the here and now if you want the future to be different. Mahatma Ghandi once said: You must be the change you wish to see in the world.

Life changes take time but you can resolve to make the changes one step at a time, one goal at a time and one challenge at a time. Never think about crossing a bridge before you come to it and never start building a bridge where there is no need for one! You would only be wasting valuable time and precious energy that could be focused on far more creative activities that move you a step closer to your goals.

It only takes a few minutes to change your frame of mind. Search deep within your soul and find out how you got to be where you are today. Ask yourself what it is that holds you back. What are the things you feel you lack in order to achieve. Put them in groups or in clusters if it helps. What are they? Money? Time? Fears? Lack of know-how? Lack of experience? Lack of talent?

Name them all. Write them down. Acknowledge them no matter how painful they may be. Then, write down next to each one all of the subgroup reasons you can think of like, for money: “I don’t earn enough”; for time: “I work too many hours”; for talent: “I am useless at drawing” etc., but be sure to write them all down until you have no reasons, (or excuses), left to write.

Why write them down? Well:1) By writing them down you are taking the first step in being willing to face them; 2) The mind and memory works best with pictures and the written word; 3) By facing them, in black and white, you can work through them and then let them go.4) You can use your list for checking off items as you change your lifestyle and it serves as a measurement, for progress, when you do a follow up list further on down the line.

Ok, now, dig a little deeper into yourself and decide what it is exactly that you did, or failed to do in your life, that was so bad you cannot forgive yourself. Write them all down. Acknowledge them. Face them openly and learn to forgive yourself. Genuinely tell yourself that you forgive yourself and love yourself. Tell yourself that you are sorry, that you made a mistake and that you are willing to start over. To err is Human, to continue erring is being our own worst enemy. Commit to the words you tell yourself. Feel them and love yourself for the resolution you have to change.

Next, write down all the things you have ever wanted from life. Have them clear in your mind and express them, in detail, on the paper in front of you. Now start to think of ways you can make extra time, extra money, be better at whatever it is you want. Write them down. Can you cut out an extra coffee and cake somewhere that will save you money?. Can you multi-task something to save time or can you delegate?.

On a fresh page, write down all the qualities you love about yourself even the ones you think you have forgotten about or lost somewhere along the way. Write down your talents, your secret talents and anything you think you are good at. Write down all the blessing in your life. Write down all the things you are grateful for. No matter how bad life may seem at this moment in time, there is always something we can be grateful for. There is always a blessing. We just forget how to see them. Remember the saying: Sometimes you can’t see the wood for the trees.

Even in what seems like life’s darkest moments, there are valuable lessons to be learnt. These are blessings. They are the Universe’s way to teach us something invaluable. Once we look upon our misfortunes as lessons we come to realize that there is nothing bad about life and living. Sometimes, when we see things in a different light, we are able to find the humorous side. If we can laugh at the bad times, life will laugh with us and things will improve on their own. You have no doubt heard the saying: Smile and the whole world smiles with you. Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to feel miserable when we’re happy?

Now focus on all these beautiful qualities you have. Compare them to what you would like to be doing in life. Find out what is still missing. If you still lack the know-how, seek out someone who does. Follow examples of your idols. Check out the wealth of information on the Internet. Get informed!

So, now that you have some idea of what you want and how you can make changes, here comes the final task but one that should be ongoing. Set yourself realistic daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals. Write them down in a journal and after each day or each week keep a written track of your progress.

Learn to prioritize. Learn to manage your time better. It does not matter if you have to carry some of your goals over from one day to the next. Do not be hard on yourself because of it. Just know that you will whatever it is the following day. The important thing is to keep moving forward.

Make your end goal climbing the tree and not worrying about what the end result will be. I am not saying that you should take futile risks with no possibility for a successful outcome. As I mentioned earlier, the beauty about maturity is that we are better equipped to make calculated judgments about risks. The important thing is to learn to trust in taking a leap of faith in yourself. Start climbing the tree slowly but surely. Pause every now and then to assess the terrain and all possible routes. Weigh up the pros and cons about climbing on one side or climbing on the other.

Many roads lead to the same place. It is all a question of making the right choices along the way and by right choices, I mean what is right for you. Wrong choices will happen but that is ok. Let them, learn from them and move on. If you never make a mistake you will never learn, if you never learn you will never grow!

I’ve invented my own definition of a goal. I hope you like it:

G – GoO – Out A – And L – Launch yourself

Remember, as long as you are moving forward towards what you want, you cannot fail. Failure is only a concept created in the mind of those who expect to climb Mount Everest without ever having walked more than a mile in their lives!

As long as you are changing your negative views about yourself, to positive ones, you are already a winner. As long as you are doing something which is better than nothing, you are already a winner and as long as that something is moving you forward, you will begin to see a complete turn around in your world. This is where the Law of Attraction truly comes into play. This is when you will find that people and events will come into your life when you least expect them. This is when you will rejoice at life’s little surprises and relish in them.

Nobody can fail when they are attempting to do their best. Praise yourself for your achievements and do not judge them by anyone else’s standards. You are you and you are unique. You will do things in your own way and at your own pace. Life is a journey. Learn to enjoy the ride.

Let go of the past, it cannot be changed and it is already history, so kiss it goodbye. Tomorrow is the future but it will only be what you start making it today, so don’t wish it upon yourself too quickly. Just live in the preparation of today and the tomorrow will come by itself.

Register here for our upcoming multi-media relationship web-course starting on January 21st, 2008

To Your Success,

Dr. Venerina Conti and Coach Steve