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You are begging me to lie to you!!!! People Skills : Part 1 of 2

people skills Understanding people and connecting with them can seem hard at times. Especially when that client seems that they think they know what's best for them and just wants to hear what they want to hear.

Example: I had a client the other day that apparently was shopping his mortgage around and had spoken to 8 other lenders. The kicker, everyone was giving him indefinite answers. And one company even said they could do it, but changed things around last minute.

I start to ask him questions and some appear to be personal. ie: income, how much money do you have and can you show, etc etc. Sure, these can be personal, especially if I ask you to show them to me and I am a stranger on the phone.

He interrupts me and states that I am asking to many questions and that the other lenders didn't ask to see everything, not ask as many questions as I did. I had to put my foot down and take control at this moment. Sure, fear sat in, thinking that I could lose this client. But I also want to distinguish myself from the other lenders. And here is my perfect opportunity. After speaking in a strong willed manner, but still being polite in tone, I basically told him that he was seeking my professional help and that in order for me to give him the best product, rate, and service....I needed to ask these questions. He still resisted a 2nd time. Then I defined and separated myself from my competition and basically told him that if he won't answer my questions, that I he will have to seek another lender again. Hence what I said to him next, "You are begging me to lie to you."

communication

Do you understand and fulfill the needs of others:

You need to assert yourself and not let others take control of you or the situation. Having confidence, not true cockiness. This goes back to my example of the client telling me what the other lenders were asking and that I had to keep it short and sweet. The long and short of it is that I wouldn't be able to do my job the way I know how to. Again, defining my character, expertise, professionalism, and able to acknowledge my clients needs. At the same time, treating them the way that I would want to be treated and not just bait and switch them, because they didn't have time to answer my questions. Basically giving them what they are asking for... a possibility or a maybe, but making it sound like a definite.

When you increase your skills in working with others, you increase your ability to succeed in almost all aspects of work and life. Better communication wins.

Conclusion:
The whole idea of being people skilled is knowing or finding how to bring out the best in others in any situation, rather than their worst.

In People Skills Part 2: Here I am going to examine the different aspects and types of people skills, behavior, and identifying certain situations.

My inspiration for writing this blog came from Renee Burrows :Lose the 'Tude Preface: The Value of Being Open-Minded and Objective

Here is Part 2 to this : Okay, so you know what you want? -- People Skills -- Part 2 of 2

Posted by Jeff Belonger -- The FHA Expert.com -- FHA Loans -- FHA mortgages - USDA loans on 01/06/2007 11:04 AM

Comments (42)

Shopping for Mortgages in the Mortgage / Finance Channel

people skills, mortgages, jeffbelonger, jeffmortgageman, real estate, new jersey mortgages

Originally posted at: FHA Mortgage Expert - Tri-State Area - New Jersey/PA/Delaware: You are begging me to lie to you!!!! People Skills : Part 1 of 2

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42 Comments on You are begging me to lie to you!!!! People Skills : Part 1 of 2

JAN

2007

Hi Jeff-

Great post. You need to move down to my neck of the woods and work with my customers.

Heather..... thanks for that great compliment. I just sent you an e-mail.

I wrote an article once on the three separate and distinct lender roles in a transaction. I find getting rates and costs to be not productive until the day you are in contract and can lock the rate, which forces the lender to put his money where his mouth is...so to speak.

Ardell.... so true and this has been my point all along. I mentioned this in Eric Reeber's blog that was featured yesterday and I have used the same analogy in my last most recent blogs... marketing yourself. What's funny is that I just left a comment in regards to your blog and the realtor friend that was told by the client, what he was willing to have in the contract. lol

Jeff

Way to go. Asking questions is definitely an important aspect of being professional, but asking them with flair and diplomacy is a skill. I'm glad you had the courage to stand your ground with the borrower in this example.

Nice write up Jeff...communication and asking in the right way is ever so important.

Ed..... thanks for that great compliment. And thanks for reiterating what I was trying to get across. It is a skill and I see so many fail in the initial 10 minutes, because they are basically letting the client make the calls.... and even when I was new, I did the same at times. But I guess it is true what they say, as you get older, you learn so much more from certain peers... and things our parents taught us.

Monika.... thanks for the compliment. And thanks for stopping by with your input.'

I should have my part two out by tomorrow morning. I want this to be out and about for 24 hours... part 2 will be very detailed.

Jeff, I am curious as to what his reply was. I'm also surprised that he would think those questions were personal to someone in your line of work. You could also tell him it is your business to learn his business so you can better assist him.

Karen.....

I so agree with what you say. Maybe I should have highlighted this part.... because all of the other loan officers/lenders didn't ask these questions and started spitting out rate and fees...without asking many questions... and just going off of his credit scores, he thought I should be able to do the same.

Hence the reason why so many lenders get their little one stuck in the zipper per se.... lol There is more to it than just credit scores.... how many tradelines that you have. You income and debt ratio... etc etc.

His answer.... drum roll: After the actual 3rd time of going through this with him.... I basically told him to stop talking and just listen very quickly. And I said this politely, but with conviction and confidence and he said he understood. What I basically was telling him without using the words....go some where else..... this was what I meant and he understood.

Karen.... again, thanks for stopping by and for your input.

Same thing happens in interviewing buyers and sellers. If they won't answer personal questions that are going to allow you to help them determine their best path (i.e.buyers who WON'T talk to a lender-ain't getting in my car!), are they prospects, or just suspects? Cut 'em loose.

Very good blog. Good for you for standing up and not taking advantage.

Jeff, good information. It shows the difference between a true professional. I'm glad you did not sell yourself short. He would start going around town and saying that you said or did.

I've had a couple of clients do the same thing to the lender I referred them to. They had been shopping around and then called my lender. He, like you, insisted that he needed detailed information. My client told me how annoyed he was to be bothered with all of this when the others he had shopped made it so much easier. I asked him if he wanted an accurate quote or just some wishful thinking that would change before closing.

Thanks Jeff! I think our blogs will definitely parallel and you will provide me inspiration on something that is going to end up being 6 or 7 blogs long! This all started with 10 days o hell of "waiting on the peeps" with lack of manners. I think you catch my drift!

Happy New Year

I totaly agree with what you say about being confident. Also keeping the lines of communication open is very important. Including with the other agent. Which is another story in it's self.

JAN

2007

Leigh..... very true. I know I used examples of what I go through as a lender..... but this takes place in real estate and I am sure in many other types of businesses. thanks for sharing

Christy....... thanks for the compliment and your input.

Netta...... thanks for those great compliments.... the last part, about talking about me negatively... I am usually not worried about that, because people locally know about me. This guy was actually from California.

Jeff, just thinking of a similar situation with one of my clients. It can be tough sometimes to break through to certain individuals. People get so used to being treated like a commodity that they have a hard time realizing that their actually being treated with respect. I liked how you treated that client something that I'll try and remember the next time I come across someone like that.

good line Jeff, "U R begging me to lie to you..." I like that!

Very good points!

As a former retail manager (in a not so long ago life!) I have in the past "caved in" to the interests of customers because of the adage "the customer is always right". As a manager it would be my job to take care of our customer and make sure that they walked away satisfied, no matter the issue.

I still believe that...however, now my clients require a much higher level of service, knowledge and expertise that they do not have, and that may mean taking control to help them better. That is something I am working on becoming better at. I recently had someone whose opinion (she expresses her opinions very well here and elsewhere!) I really value tell me that I needed to take control. While driving home from her house I was able to see how although my clients need my service/help, they also need someone to tell them "like it is"!

Great blog! Some people only want to hear what they want to hear. you ahve yo know all the variables to give the proper advice. Thanks.

You go Jeff! Your fast food client's mentality suggests he is NOT looking for a professional, nor is he very smart. You are a professional, you handled yourself well and hopefully he will at least give it some thought.... Good Job!

Karl...... thanks for your input and feedback..... I will admit, it can be tough at times, in fear of losing the client. But I am sometimes telling myself, "I didn't have that person prior to the day before"... so, no loss?

Joanne...... thanks. I have been using that for about a year now. And it actually wakes some clients up when I say this. Not all.... just a few. ;o)

Deborah....... thanks for the compliment. I'll be honest, I struggle at times with that phrase, "the client is always right". The main problem is that many people that are clients know this and use it to their advantage at times. Hence the reason why, at least in the mortgage industry, so many loan officers cave in..... and semi lie about rates and fees. Or leave things out. It's part of sales per se, but most of all, the less questions ask by the client, the less honest answers the lender needs to give to the client. So, do we blame this on the client? Most of the blame should be placed on the loan officer for not controlling the client. Letting the client take control, because of that phrase that we both mentioned.

Deborah, you said this: "now my clients require a much higher level of service, knowledge and expertise that they do not have, and that may mean taking control to help them better." SO true and this is where we need to elevate ourselves and take control of most issues or questions, not letting the client take control. Even though I am very aware of this myself and brought this up.... I don't practice this all of the time.... but the more we do it, the easier it comes to us.

Thanks for your input and for sharing.

Tom..... thanks for that great compliment. And I agree...thanks for the input.

Allison..... thanks for the compliments..... and I like the analogy of the fast food comment.

Jeff - Don't you think it's easier to just tell people what they want to hear if they make it clear that's what they want you to do? :-) Just kidding!! Always be honest - even if it's not what they want to hear. Great post!

We try to listen and id the disc types we learned at howard brinton great course for buyers agents and helpful to with sellers. if they feel you care it makes a huge difference.

Geez. What Dingbat believes that the client is always right?

Your control of your business is the absolute right approach. I'm the very same way. It is my busines and I'm here to help serious home buyers achieve their goal of home ownership. Without information, neither a real estate agent nor a lender can do anything worth a dime.

The lender I use in Maryland rarely takes phone calls from prospects. I get basic info and send him an e-mail or phone call. Then, when the buyer calls, he knows what to ask.

He told me one time that he doesn't take many buyer calls because the conversation starts out with:

"What are your rates?" No one can possibly answer that question. I sometimes believe that fielding buyers' questions is harder for lenders than agents.

Lenn

I have to agree with many others here in saying "Great job". You definitely showed your professionalism with the questions you asked and in the way you handled their objections.

Jeff,

Thanks for being honest with the client. I will remember that line: You are begging me to lie to you.

I think that as sales people who depend on sales to eat it is too easy to be afraid of losing the client. In those tough situations I try to remember that the client I lose is not the client that was likely to be profitable for me anyways.

Erik

You are da man. I feel the same way. Eventually these people will want to hear the truth. They will not want to hear it from people who have been lying all along.

The trusth may not laways nbe fun or pretty. It is the truth though and will give you a foundation upon which to build.

Great post.

Jeff... Great post. I've actually lost clients for this same reason. As a mortgage lender, like you and I, we need to attain as much personal and financial information from a client. The more we know, the more we can custom tailor a mortgage product for thier specific needs.

Many other lenders will promise the world, "pending underwriter approval". 99% of the time, rates, fees, documentation requirements change.

If consumers just understand up front that the more they tell us, the closer we can get to what we specifically will need and quote a more accurate good faith estimate.

Some consumers are so confident about thier credit score, that they refuse to give you certain information stating, "With my credit score being so high, I shouldn't need to prove this.". We, as experienced mortgage professionals like Jeff and myself, know which questions to ask and can give accurate quotes based on these questions. Its the other lenders or brokers that give unrealistic quotes "pending approval" to bait and switch clients into committing to that company. I am surprised that there hasn't been more law suits on this subject. This subject could be discussed in a blog on its own!

Great post Jeff...

JAN

2007

Again another great post from you. I cant agree more about helping all the way - even if it's difficult. I've been cornered in the positions a few times and it always turn out good.

JAN

2007

Suzanne...... thanks for the compliment and for stopping by. And in regards to the start of your comment, it would be so easy then... ;o)

Teri..... thanks for the comment, input.... and I totally agree.... but the client needs to feel this and not just a sales pitch of that caring feeling.

Lenn.... lol, the dingbat? Too many of them and I have personally witnessed friends that have acted this way when out and about. It's some what sad.

In regards to your feedback, thanks.... much appreciated. And we do seem to think a like in regards to this. Especially the 'asking' of questions.

Jim & Maria Hart..... thanks for the compliment and your feedback.

Erik.... thanks for the input. In regards to losing that client and not being afraid, because they might not have been as profitable...?? I know what you are trying to say, but I don't always agree with that. Each situation is different. It comes down to how you handle that client as getting referrals from them. Overall, thanks for the compliment.

John...... thanks for your enthusiastic compliments.

Eric R. ........ thanks for the compliment and your insight and input. I agree... one would think that there would be more lawsuits...but my feeling on that is it would be very hard to prove certain promises and the bait and switching. And yes, there is so much more to this. thabnks again

Loreena....... again, thanks for your support and you compliments...

Jeff,

This doesn't need commentary!

It's excellent.

I just said this on part 2, but it still says everything.

Bill

William J Archambault Jr

The Real Estate Investment Institute

http://www.reii.org

Bill.... much appreciated. Always good to see a true professional in regards to ethics and such, stop in and make a comment. Someone that has written several books on ethics and the understanding of business and the mortgage industry. thanks again for the compliment and for stopping by.

Hey Jeff,.. great line.. "You are begging me to lie to you." If I wasn't so hung up on "It is what it is", I would use it often. I will find space to use your line though! :)) Enjoying the series.. great effort.

JAN

2007

I am getting tired, but you did point out the obvious and the basics. 'understanding and fulfilling the needs of others' good job

Jim.... thanks for the compliment and after this one, I am off to bed.... ;o)

JAN

2007

Thanks is so true -- sometimes is does seem as if a client is asking your to lie. I like the way you handled it. Great Job on the post too.

Freddie.... not only thanking you for your input, but for your input. I agree.... and thanks...

APR

2007

Jeff,

I agree with your stance and handling of the situation 100%. As a mortgage "Professional" in Michigan I am often called by prospects wanting to know what rates I'm offering. I politely and persistently inform them that there are many things that go into a rate...sometimes they listen and sometimes they don't.

I think a major reason fueling this "shopper's mentality" is the perception that a mortgage is a commodity.

Something to be shopped for like you would the price of gasoline. I fault our "collegues" that advertise lowball (and often outright BS) rates on radio, tv, internet, and print. We don't just provide a product when we do a mortgage, we provide a service as well. Mass media advertising leaves most consumers with the idea that all they need is a menu to look at when deciding upon a mortgage. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Jeff

APR

2007

Jeff,

I am a total rookie here, but I was reading this post to my girlfriend and she saw your picture and said she used to read all your stuff on MySpace. She said you could be combative, but that you knew your stuff :)

I love that line about the client begging you to lie to them! I have felt so many times that clients like that would be the ones that go to the doctor and say "I have strep, I need antibiotics" and then act pissy because the doctor doesn't automatically trust their "diagnosis". If you don't mind, I might have to steal that line about lying to them...it is so on point.

Ian,

You replied just after mine. Just want to clarify that you are referring to the author..Jeff B. and not to my response...Jeff K. :)

Don't even have a my space account! LOL

Yes, Jeff K., I was referring to the author Jeff :)

As I read more of the comments on here, I really appreciate Eric Reeber's post about gathering as much information as possible in order to tailor the proposal to the individual client. I'm sure each lender has their own "script" they use to overcome certain objections, but the following has worked really well for me when prospects resist giving personal information:

My job is collect as much information as I can so that I can present the best picture of you to the banks and to the underwriters. The more information I have, the better picture I'm able to paint. A better picture translates into better options for you in terms of your loan. I may not need to use all of the information I'm asking for, but it is much better for me to know more and not have to use it than to know less and find out that I need it at the last minute.

This has rarely failed...I think it gives the client the feeling that I am "on their side".

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