Can't we just get out of our boxes and treat each other like people?

After reading The Anatomy of Peace by The Arbinger Institute I realized there is a very basic issue that each of us struggle with every day.  The issue is how to get out of our box.  The concept is that as people, we have a tendency to get so caught up in ourselves that we start to view others as objects and not people.  Allow me to share an example that I have learned the hard way.

Last year, I had a business partnership end abruptly.  I'm glad it did.  I am much happier and a lot more successful working independently.  But, I did learn a lot about myself during that time and thought I would share my experience.  Here's the cycle I got stuck in.  Caution, this may look familiar to you.

I would ask my partner to do something.  Let's use a real life example in real estate, say get an extension signed around.  He would see me as demanding or nagging.  He would procrastinate to "show me".  I would see him as self-centered or irresponsible.  So, I would ask again.  He sees me as unreasonable.  He gets it signed, but has an attitude.  I see him as immature. And round and round we go.  Look familiar?

The deeper you get stuck in your box, the worse it gets.  Eventually, you each start rounding up "allies" to share your feelings about how horrible the other person is. 

The biggest problem with the box is once you're in, it is difficult to see outside yourself.  So, how do you know when you get stuck?  Well, look for the signs.  

Blaming, Justification, Horribilization, Defensiveness... 

If you feel these things, take a step back, a deep breath and look around.  Remember, you are dealing with people.  We know people, we work with people, we are people. 

Stay tuned for some of the boxes that we commonly get stuck in.

Jen Hudson, GRI (360) 652-1200 or jen@jenhudsonhomes.com