This Was Too Good Not to Pass Along...

AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2010-09-27,             1:43 am. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I   hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my  girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important  message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment;

I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants

when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.

The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing

the jacket for a reason.. my girlfriend was happy            

that I just returned safely from my 2nd tour of

duty as a Combat Marine in Afghanistan ..

She had just bought  me that Kimber Custom

Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my  birthday, and we

had picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening.

Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating

weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it  probably wasn't fun walking back to

wherever you'd come from with crap in your

pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking            

bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes,

cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us             again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you

had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire

episode of what you'd done. Then I wentand

filled up my gas tank as well as those of four            

other people in the gas station, -- on your

credit card. The guy with the big motor home

took 153 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside

Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in

your wallet. [That made his day!]I then threw

your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ..... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone

calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while

mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice

long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate             punishment for your threatened crime.

I wish you well as you try to sort through some of

these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only

hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon,

and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've

chosen to pursue in life..            

Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.            

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Semper Fi,

Alex