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Real Estate Humor!

By
Real Estate Agent with Stewart Estates

Ask For Raise

"I have to have a raise in my commission," the agent said to his manager. "There are three other companies after me."
"Is that so?" asked the manager. "What other companies are after you?"
"The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company."

Commission Check

An agent who was being paid by the week approached his office manager and held up his last paycheck.
'This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,' he said.
'I know,' the manager said. 'But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.'
'Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake,' the agent answered, 'but when it gets to be a habit, I feel
I have to call it to your attention.'

Greeting

How do real estate agents traditionally greet each other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."

Main Entrance

A broker was dismayed when a brand new real estate office much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read 'BEST AGENTS.' He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading 'LOWEST COMMISSIONS.' The broker panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own real estate office. It read: 'MAIN ENTRANCE'

Protected Classes

Broker, to four of his agents: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let one of you go."
Black Agent: "I'm a protected minority."

Female Agent: "And I'm a woman."

Oldest Agent: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."

...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male Agent, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..."

Your rival gets double

A real estate agent walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"I will grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make,
your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."

The real estate agent thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars," he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "
But your rival has just received $20,000,000," the genie said.


"I've always wanted a Ferrari," the agent said.
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But your rival has just received two Ferraris," the genie said.
"And what is your last wish?"

"Well," said the salesman, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant."


 

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Comments (4)

Nick T Pappas
Assoc. Broker ABR, CRS, SFR, e-Pro, @Homes Realty Group, Broker/Providence Property Mgmnt, LLC Huntsville AL - Huntsville, AL
Madison & Huntsville Alabama Real Estate Resource
Jason, a couple of these are definitely worth remembering, as a matter of fact I'm going touse them tomorrow an Monday.
Jun 09, 2012 12:07 PM
Pat & Steve Pribisko
Keller Williams Greater Cleveland West - Westlake, OH

Thanks so much for the humor!  This is a refreshing break from many of the other serious blogs.

Jun 09, 2012 12:12 PM
Mark Loewenberg
KW of the Palm Beaches - Palm Beach Gardens, FL
KW 561-214-0370

great ones and worth the full read, keeps me going on this saturday night!

Jun 09, 2012 12:20 PM
Jordon Wheeler
The Jordon Wheeler Group - Fairburn, GA
J W Group Real Estate Sales and Service

Hey Jason,

Good laughs...thank you!  Best of success this year!

Jun 09, 2012 12:59 PM