Yesterday, for a bit of fun, I wrote about eleven things I hoped my broker would never hear about me from clients. Fair is fair. Now I have eleven things I hoped my clients would never read from my mind. I may have been tempted to say or have thought these things but age, good taste and a need to earn a living held me back.
1. If I throw a stick, will you leave my car?
2. I’d love to help you but it is wine o’clock somewhere in the British Empire.
3. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
4. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
5. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
6. How do I set my laser pointer to stun?
7. I’m already visualizing that duct tape over your mouth.
8. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
9. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
10. I’m really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me.
11. Do I look like a people person?