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"READING IN THE RAIN" - ACTIVERAIN BOOK CLUB - August 15, 2012

By Jill Sackler

Real Estate Agent with Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. 516-575-7500 NRDS ID#641625055

August 14, 2012 02:03 PM

"READING IN THE RAIN" - ACTIVERAIN BOOK CLUB - August 15, 2012

Where is it written that Brunch is best reserved for Sundays?

How about a cup of Mocha (a cross between chocolate and coffee)

to begin your day?

coffee

I'll have that refreshing glass of fresh squeezed orange juice, please.

Bagel with a schmear, anyone?

Or is a spinach and mushroom omelet more your speed?

an assortment of cheese...

a fruit and chocolate platter...

fruit plattet

Satiated? C'mon, just try a teeny bit of that scrumptious fruit danish.

pastry

Not another bite? Good!

so now, "Can we taWk "?

The Next Right Thing by Dan Barden

Below are ten questions for you to think about. No need to answer all - just the one or two that have meaning for you.

Even if you haven't read the book, we look forward to hearing what you think and benefitting from your insight and life experience.

Can you explain the term "dry drunk?"

Why is Randy so obsessed with getting to the bottom of Terry's death?

Randy says a popular saying in AA is to "just do the next indicated thing." Sometimes, people will reword it to say "just do the next right thing." Why does Randy find the latter too complicated?

What is Crash's role in the story and why does Randy persist in using her childhood nickname?

Crash's mother is determined to keep her daughter away from her ex-husband because she fears his negative influence. As far as we know, will that keep Crash safe from alcohol addiction later in life or is there a genetic component?

A favorite line of Terry's was, "You're not the patient here." What did he hope to accomplish with these words?

Towards the end, Randy finally makes amends with Bathazar Bustamante. Is finishing unfinished business an important step in your self image and recovery?

What truth does Randy learn about the life of an addict at the end of the story?

Randy says that sometimes when people binge after a long time clean and sober, they don't regret it. They feel this pleasure is worth everything. Your thoughts?

Is AA still a viable organization for treating alcohol addiction although we've seen a glimpse of another side?

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Cindy Edwards

RE/MAX Checkmate - Johnson City, TN

CRS, GRI, PMN - Northeast Tennessee 423-677-6677

Like Shar, I do have a personal connection to alcoholism. I have a sister that struggles with this disease daily. It has been a horrible ride, and still is. I really felt like I was reading about my sister. Many similar characteristics.

I'm having a hard time with specific questions, it was a very difficult book for me to read. I just kept coming back to my sister. I believe some of the sayings in their lives help them deal with their addictions and is what they focus on to get to the next day. Similar to , "one day at a time".

I do believe there is so much guilt in alcoholics. They need to feel needed, appreciated, trusted, all things that are hard for the non-alcoholic loved ones to give. There is so much dis-trust already built in.

I do believe AA is still a good organization. It is helpful if the addicts do what is expected of them and work within the system. There are so many ways to drop off though.

I didn't care for the book, probably because of my personal relationship with alcoholism.

Aug 15, 2012 02:55 AM

Dan & Linda Tublitz

RE/MAX Services Boca Raton FL - Boca Raton, FL

This blog is making me hungry and thirsty!!

Aug 15, 2012 05:55 AM

Nan Jester

Exit Real Estate Gallery Jacksonville Beach, FL - Jacksonville Beach, FL

Realtor, Exit Real Estate Gallery

You are a big meanie for putting all of those tempting pics in the blog. Shame on your. Now, I am hungry.

Aug 15, 2012 06:02 AM

Tamra Lee Ulmer

Arizona Resource Realty - Payson, AZ

NRBA ~FORCE~ Over 1000 REO Assets SOLD!

That Mocha looks great to start the day. I usually do get one every morning. And the oh so tempting pictures of that food!

Aug 15, 2012 06:10 AM

Jill Sackler

Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. 516-575-7500 - Long Beach, NY

LI South Shore Real Estate - Broker Associate

A big thank you to all those who have taken the time to comment on this post and have shared their personal experiences. As you well know, addiction is a universal issue that crosses all sorts of socioeconomic boundaries. Unfortunately, almost everyone has seen a loved one struggling with this serious disease, at one time or another. A lot of what goes on behind the scenes isn't pretty, but it's all part of the addict's behavior. It's helpful to know what it looks like so we can recognize it early, and intervene, when their chance of success is the greatest.

I felt the book was a little slow in the beginning and I didn't feel connected to the individuals in the story right away. However, as I got further along and the plot was developed, I found myself rooting for Randy to make it. Dan Barden did a great job of fleshing out these characters and the ending was really well-written. There are no guarantees in life. The only truth is that addiction is a powerful adversary - always ready to rear its ugly head at every wrong turn and every failure we experience - it's always ready to win.

We can never get too comfortable. We can never feel like we have it made now; that addiction was in our past. No, we can't just have that one drink...or that one pill...or that one cigarette because an addict is not able to stop. That's by definition.

Aug 15, 2012 06:42 AM

Scott Hayes

(512) 786-8300 - Austin, TX

Realty Austin, Broker Associate

Jill,

Maybe it's the healthy part of me, but that fruit platter sure looks tempting

Aug 15, 2012 06:43 AM

Ellen Caruso

Daniel Gale Sotheby's International Realty - Glen Head, NY

Jill, I can't say that I wish I had a personal connection to relate too, however I feel for those that do and for who may have suffered theirself with the disease. I can say that i do like a drink from time to time. Perhaps a glass of wine when I cook, or with dinner, and maybe a mixed drink at a party or wedding, but nothing to the excess. However, it does make me feel dirty if others are not drinking with me. Unfortunately, We constantly put ourselves in the shaddows of being judged weather for drinking, weight, or appearance. Maybe if society wasn't so judging, but rather willing to accept and help eachother through our struggles, we'd be in a beter place.

Aug 15, 2012 07:14 AM

Jill Sackler

Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. 516-575-7500 - Long Beach, NY

LI South Shore Real Estate - Broker Associate

I felt Randy was incredibly obsessed with Terry's death because Terry was his role model. He was the man everyone looked up to, the one who had been sober a long time, the one who had helped others become sober and the one who always knew just the right thing to say. If Terry could die, then anybody could die. In Randy's mind, if Terry, who was as close as you can get to the perfect sponsor in an AA setting, had messed up again and died as a result of it, then what could possibly stop someone as flawed and unstable as Randy from having the same ending? He must have felt like he was looking at his own life story. He must have felt like his ending was foretold. Only if Randy knew the exact thing that had caused Terry's death, could he somehow escape it himself.

Aug 15, 2012 08:11 AM

Sheila Newton Team Anderson & Greenville SC

Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices - C. Dan Joyner - Anderson, SC

Selling the Upstate since 1989

ok.. now i'm hungry!!! as for the book.. i keep meaning to join the book club just don't know where to fit it into my schedule... I didn't even read on vacation! This one does sound interesting though.

Aug 15, 2012 10:56 AM

Shar Sitter

Rooms With Style - Minneapolis, MN

Home Staging and Redesign Minneapolis/ St. Paul, M

I must say that one of my favorite parts of the book was when Randy made Crash's potential step father go away. He was a scumbag. Any step parent that belittles a biological parent in front of a child is dangerous, even if it is the truth. You still respect the biological parent in front of the child.

I do think it was important for Randy to make amends to those he offended. I think it is a huge healing process in that. The family suffers more than the addicted person and the addicted person knows it. They carry so much guilt for what they have put their families through.

Aug 15, 2012 12:15 PM

Jill Sackler

Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. 516-575-7500 - Long Beach, NY

LI South Shore Real Estate - Broker Associate

Shar, Cindy and Valerie - I'm sorry that this story brought back too many painful memories. I appreciate you trying to get through the book. I understand why you couldn't. I think it's noteworthy that you all agree Alcoholic's Anonymous is still a worthwhile organization despite its shortcomings. It's important to have somewhere to go, when you are suffering, where you feel understood.

The organization helps them figure out the next right thing. Sometimes, that's just too complicated for an addict to do on his own. When you're living day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute, planning for the future is just too hard. You doubt your own rationale and you may no longer be able to reason the consequences of your actions.

I think Crash was the key to Randy's survival. His love for her for evident as was his determination to remain a part of her life. No promises were made, but I felt the ending of the book left us feeling like Randy had a really good shot at making it.

Aug 15, 2012 12:34 PM

Evelyn Kennedy

Alain Pinel Realtors - Alameda, CA

Alameda, Real Estate, Alameda, CA

Jill:

OK, you whetted my appetite, so now I have to read the book. I did not read any of the comments, so the book wouldn't be spoiled for me. I'll come back after I read the book. Tricky post, trying to entire others to read the book. It worked for me.

Aug 15, 2012 01:01 PM

Catherine Ulrey

Keller Williams Capital City - Salem, OR

Equestrian and Acreage Property Specialist

I will take one of those mochas, iced though!

Aug 15, 2012 01:47 PM

Christine Donovan

Donovan Blatt Realty - Costa Mesa, CA

Broker/Attorney 714-319-9751 DRE01267479 - Costa M

Jill - I know nothing about the book, but for some reason, I'm suddenly feeling hungry. ; )

Aug 15, 2012 04:09 PM

Digital Digital

Alachua, FL

full service

Hi,

It's now 11:39pm and that fruit danish would be a nice midnight snack.

It looks so yummy!

Aug 16, 2012 01:40 PM

Cindy Westfall

Premiere Property Group,LLC Portland Metro & Suburbs Oregon - Tualatin, OR

ABR,GRI Your Tualatin & Portland Metro Real Estate

Hi Jill, first off, congrats on the feature! I can't answer the questions as I haven't read the book...but could at this point after reading the comments get by on the "comment crib notes". Oh..those pictures of delish food..well YUM! Maybe I'll give reading a try again as I used to gobble up books overnight. That was until my sleep apnea stole my brain and I had to re-read the same chapter over and over and would just fall asleep. This book club looks fun!

Aug 16, 2012 01:58 PM

Cindy Edwards

RE/MAX Checkmate - Johnson City, TN

CRS, GRI, PMN - Northeast Tennessee 423-677-6677

Lot's of great points here. I enjoyed reading the comments after everyone had put in their feedback. I really connected with Ellen in this following paragraph of hers: " However, it does make me feel dirty if others are not drinking with me. Unfortunately, We constantly put ourselves in the shaddows of being judged weather for drinking, weight, or appearance. Maybe if society wasn't so judging, but rather willing to accept and help eachother through our struggles, we'd be in a beter place." Thanks for hosting!

Aug 18, 2012 10:08 PM

Jill Sackler

Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. 516-575-7500 - Long Beach, NY

LI South Shore Real Estate - Broker Associate

Thanks again, everyone. In my quest to be welcoming, I fear I may have overdone the food because there are more food than book comments. I appreciate all of you but especially those of you who spoke from the heart. It's not a simple subject matter and it doesn't suddenly become easier when you post it on a national forum. My hope was that even the folks who did not read the book could weigh in and offer their insight into addiction. It's a painful struggle. For some, it may even have been a hopeless struggle but, there are always the blessed few who emerge from their depths victorious and, if your memories are bearable, we still would love to hear from you.

Aug 19, 2012 10:34 AM

Cathy Criado

Criado Realty - San Antonio, TX

Making Real Estate Profitable

Hey Jill - Wow! The photos look yummy! My family ate at the Magnolia Pancake House Sunday and sure did enjoy it. I think this old San Antonio favorite has some stories of its own. Have a super week!

Aug 19, 2012 11:12 PM

Ray Stockwell

ZipperAgent - Boston, MA

Director of Marketing

I'd love for you to share some of those brunch receipies I see picture.

Jan 16, 2013 10:18 PM