Working with distressed couples.

My title to this blog is what I would think is the politically correct way of saying "Working with divorcing couples" and is something that Iam sure many of you who have been working in real estate for awhile has had to deal with.  I have been on both the listing and buy side of a transaction that was dealing with couples who were in the process of or have already been divorced.  For the most part, there is no real easy way of dealing with these situations.  I just want to throw out some tips of how I handled these transactions and hope others will also contribute their tips as well.  I will primarly be talking about the listing side due to there isn't much interation if your representing the buyer and besides; it is the listing agent that needs to deal with this anyway.

Set the ground rules up front:  You need to let them know that you are not on "either" of their sides, that your only job is to get their home sold.  You need to ascertain that they both want the sale to happen and that neither of them is against moving on.  I went to show a home one day with a buyer client, we arrived after getting the appointment set only to find that there was no one home.  We were told that the wife would meet us, so we sat there and waited.  Shortly, the husband arrived, and very rudely told us that the home was off the market, and that he was working to buy the wife out.  We left!  I then called the listing agent and told them the event that happened when I learned that this had happened several times before, but the husband just did not want to sell and was unable to financially afford buying the wife out.  I politely declined when he wanted us to come back a little later.

All communciations need to be relayed to both parties:  Make sure that when you give status reports and updates, you are telling both parties to ensure there is no misscommunications.  I prefer email updates as I then copy both and they then get it the same time.  Another solution is to have a private space on your website that they can log into to get up to date reports.

Teams can make it more pleasant:  If your a team, let one member deal with the husband, and one deal with the wife.  This can make things easier as it gives each person an agent to deal with and discuss options.  I usually deal with the husbands and Mary will work with the wife.

Don't get dragged into the divorce:  Under no circumstances allow yourself to be dragged into the details of their problems.  First, I don't want to hear about those things, and second; it is none of my business.  I had a listing where the wife wanted us to make sure she recieved her alimony.  HELLO!  What has that got to do with me.  I politely stopped her and let her know that her alimony was not my responsibility as it had nothing to do with our selling the home.  The husband also came up telling us how bad the wife was in no uncertain terms, and we had to do the same with him.  Getting dragged into the problems will lead to serious headaches in the future.

This by far is not all inclusive, but I would like to know how others handle this situation.

Gary and Mary Nelson                  www.HarfordCountyHomes.net