AS LEADERS WE HAVE EXPECTATIONS of our team, employees, co-workers, brokers, company, etc. and often what we experience does not match our expectations.
Trust is the bedrock of relationships and without trust we can never fully engage in any relationship. Trust is not automatic and it does not come naturally to us. Trust is something we need to make an effort to choose to do. We need to learn to protect our relationships without fear of loss or rejection.
Our experiences make us what we are. Some of us have had bad things happen in our lives and these things naturally make it hard for us to trust. We tend to only trust what we can see. In every relationship there are expectations and then there is what we actually experience. Everything is good when our expectations match what we experience. Unfortunately life is not always black and white. Often there is a gap between what we expect and what we experience. It is up to us to choose what fills in that gap. We tend to do what comes naturally and we fill the gap with assumptions, we do not fill the gap with trust. This will only create a bigger gap and the issue will get worse. The person who is disappointed often doesn’t realize there was a gap; they don’t always understand that we had preconceived expectations. It is up to you. You choose how to fill the gap. Before we are disappointed, we need to have already made up our minds that we are going to give the other person the most generous explanation possible for any unexpected “gap”. That way, when the experience didn’t meet our expectations, we are able to fill the gap with trust.
In the best relationships both parties go to ridiculous extremes to believe the best in the other person. We need to go to those extremes with our work relationships. If we don’t choose to think the best of each other we will soon expect and suspect the worst. Suspicion is an expression of rejection. When you don’t trust someone they will feel like you have rejected them. Rejection will cause the other person to close down and communication will stop. You are no longer protecting the relationship at all costs. You need to make sure that the other person knows you want to trust them and that you value the relationship. Great Leaders push through critisim and are willing to go the extra mile.
No one has ever forced you to assume the worst about a situation; as a Leader you choose what you are going to use to fill the gap. When you can’t choose to trust because the gap has been there too many times, you have to choose to confront that person. Don’t talk to others about the gap, always confront the person directly. If you are not able to fill the gap with trust you need to communicate that to the person who disappointed you. This is difficult, but it is necessary to save the relationship. As Leaders we need to be gentle confronters. Remember you are the most difficult person you will ever lead. Don't let your disappointed expectations cause the door of your once trusted relationship slam shut.
You need to make the other person feel accepted. All of us are drawn to relationships where we feel accepted. Here is a phrase you can use to start a difficult conversation – “I am asking you not because I don’t trust you, but because I’m assuming the best and want to understand why what I am expecting isn’t what I am experiencing.” Tell them you want to trust them, but you are struggling. Give them a chance to explain. There always two sides to every story.
There are five (5) commitments to building trust in our relationships that le
aders need to embrace.
1. When there is a gap – I’m going to choose to believe the best!
2. When most assume the worse about others, I will come to their defense.
3. If what I assume begins to erode my trust, I will go and talk to that person.
4. When I’m convinced I can’t deliver on a promise, I’ll tell that person ahead of time.
5. When someone confronts me about the gaps I’ve created, I will tell the truth.
As a leader make it your CHOICE to use a bad event as a defining moment!
Comments(6)