I was assembling land for a subdivision and closing properties one after another in an area zoned for animals. This was over an area of 3 long blocks of semi-rural living. As the properties closed escrows, I would go over and secure the premises. One day I drive up to an acre and a half and make my way toward the rear of the property..There I met two full grown GEESE
HOW CUTE...HERE BOYS...HERE BOYS
How cute and exciting sez I the city boy and proceed toward them. Little did I know that they are trained watch dogs for the property. They first make honking noises if anyone approaches and then they go into an attack mode. Think how an aircraft takes off on a carrier at sea building speed and then lifts off well these two birds running at top speed in a short distance move very fast too. I was the target
Below...not so cute close up when honking and hissing
HONK HONK HONK..FLAP FLAP HONK HONK HONK...WHOA
Hey, I don't back down so I ran toward them and just for fun starting making honking noises, cat calls and barking sounds while I am running and laughing. They are running and not laughing toward me honking, hissing and flapping and I realized those honks were closer to curse words than cute greetings..I was without knowing getting them all excited and they have trained for this. I was being set-up by myself. We were heading toward each other... them flapping their wings me flapping my gums...
HYA HYAAA YAAA HAYAAA...KUNG FU YOU
Well I go within 3 feet of them and made karate noises thinking to slow them down and they didn't flinch. So, I decided to turn around quickly and run to the front of the property as I somehow temporarily lost my sense of humor. They followed me and then stopped and turned around. It was a hot day so I went and sipped some water and assessed this. The little boy in me had his interest stirred....
I HAD TIME TO KILL...THEY HAD TIME TO KILL... literally
I am going back in there. I am not going to let them chase me off this property sez me who eats birds for Thanksgiving. I start in and this time I really run like if they are going to get it but good. I thought if I meant it, it would give me the edge over them. I mean they meant it and it worked on me. Reverse psychology was my plan. Here we go....
honk Honk HONK HONK HONK...game on literally
Well we meet half way and they split up and surround me. All of us are moving fast and loose and they do a combo of flying, jumping, hissing and running which is like a form of GEESE marital arts looking back on it. You cant really get these birds because they move so fast. To make matters worse, they PECK and pull out...then PECK and pull out using that long neck of theres. Oh, the old PECK and PULL strategy as I am dodging left and right thought I.....mmmm
WHAT? NO FAIR...HEY WAIT A MINTUE. I AM ONLY JOKING...COME ON FELLAS STOP THAT...WHOA WHOA!
Then, they launched into something that made me freeze with horror. They were trying to PECK ME in the genitals. What the heck is this? Birds from hell and I started covering my crouch with one hand and waiving the other while screaming and threatening and making verbal threats etc...Their AIM was too good and I had to withdraw giving this no second thoughts...RETREAT RETREAT....I run back to the front again. What dirty pool!
Below...The PECK and PULL starting positon
COMBINATION OF LAUGHING, FEAR, ADRENALINE AND....THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING
Now I am laughing my head off, out of breath and thinking NO one will ever believe this. However, I couldn't shake the thought of defeat and decided to go back in but with a long stick this time. NOW I want you to know I would have not hurt these birds. No way...But the principal of the thing anyway if you look at it demanded I go back in ARMED. One, I am superior to them. Two, this property belongs to us now. Three, I cant let them believe man can be conquered this easily. Fourth, I wanted to conclude on my terms and five...YOU PECKED AT MY CROTCH? NO No No... Not allowed
HERE WE GO ONLY I AM NOT KIDDING...NEITHER WERE THEY
I start walking slowly and they sight me from a distance far off too. They were formidable in that they knew from afar that I was coming. They were watching me. Whoa. They even starting honking way off and flapping and running almost imitating me in my same demeanor. I am laughing but full of adrenaline and very sober as one mistake by me and I could end up with losses between the legs to horrible to think about. HISSING AND...HONK HONK YAHHA AAHHA and we go at it
WE MET IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PROPERTY...NO ONE BLINKED
We met and they gave as good as they got. I never hit them with the stick, but I was twirling it like a baton twirler, I also held it like a Bruce Lee would and I also tried the helicopter method of twirling it over my head and nothing phased these two GEESE from the BLACK LAGOON. They were determined to end this and their PECKING prowess was to close for comfort. They went all out PECK and PULL. I could not fight them with one hand on my crotch and still be effective....They KNEW this. Wow. Remember, I am a city boy and Disney shows these animals so lovingly too..wow.. just wow
I TURNED CHICKEN....
I turned tail and this time they would not stop like they did the two previous times. I really started thinking if they don't slow down, can I make it to the car? HONK..HONK...HONK HONK HONK...beaks snapping, wings flapping and I just burst out full sweat running. They stopped sensing I turned...well CHICKEN. I could have sworn their last few HONK HONK was like if they were flipping me (literally) off. Don't ask me how...you just know. I had enough and I learned quite a bit too
Below...I am out of here!
EPILOGUE
I called the seller and asked him about these two Geese and he said..Oh, I forgot about them. I will pick them up tomorrow. I didint say anything about what happened. I said okay and got in my car and took the rest of the afternoon off...The best GOOSE won....
Comments(113)