I was looking back through my old blog posts and found this post from about 3 years ago that is unquestionably one of the best things I have ever written. Based on some of the comments I received back then, I think some people wondered what I was smoking. Rereading the post I did have to wonder myself whether I had been smoking something. Since I didn’t really get the kind of response I feel this post deserved (way too few comments and much too low a percentage of folks that thought I was smoking something), I thought that I would "smoke" it again (improve it) and serve it up and see what happens a second time. So here we go again to the magical land of Doogle on this fine Halloween.
Once upon a time in the not-so-far-off, but far-out, land of Doogle, there lived a blogger and his beautiful daughter. In order to make himself appear more "important," this blogger told a seemingly innocent white lie on the Internet and on the MLS about how his beautiful daughter could easily turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse.
King Doogle was VERY skeptical and called for the blogger and his daughter to come before him in the castle. After considerable argument with the blogger, the king was unable to dissuade the blogger from his ridiculous claims, so the king sent the daughter to the dark, dank and now smelly dungeon---hoping that this would persuade the blogger to reconsider. He provided her with a mountain of sow’s ears and ordered her to turn even one of them into a measly silk purse by morning. If she could not manage such a simple task (according to her father) she and her father would be banished from the land of Doogle forever.
The poor daughter became very despondent (not to mention pissed at her dad).She knew that there was no way in Doogle she would EVER be able to turn that pile of very smelly sow’s ears into even one flee-bitten silk purse----so she started to sob uncontrollably.
At that very moment a devilish little toad appeared, jumping and splashing gleefully in her river of tears. He said that he would turn all those sow’s ears into as many silk purses as she wanted if she would but give him half of her activerain points----and all of her activerain subscribers---and her first born child.
Well she REALLY didn’t want either her father or herself banned from the land of Doogle so she reluctantly consented. She never was into the whole "points" thing anyway---and didn’t even know she had any “subscribers."
She TOTALLY missed the part about the kid.
The toad pointed his pointy little toe at the pile of sow’s ears and…..
Instantly all the sow’s ears turned into silk purses----HUNDREDS of them!
In the morning, when King Doogle saw all the beautiful silk purses he was so impressed that he married the blogger’s daughter (hopefully that was OK with her).
Together they filled the kingdom’s coffers by selling all those silk purses on eBay.
King and Queen Doogle then doogled around for a year and pretty soon there was a little Doogle chasing toads around the castle.
Word quickly got around and all too soon the “weaselly toad” returned to the castle to claim his payment. He said: "Now give me your first born child."
The queen had completely forgotten that part of her promise to the toad and was broken-hearted to say the least. She offered him the other half of her activerain points if she could but please keep the child. The toad refused at first, but finally agreed to accept the rest of her points and to give up his claim to the child if she could simply guess his name before breakfast the following day. He hopped off into the night, croaking annoyingly so that all could hear.
What to do???
Because she was smart, she pulled out her smart phone and quickly Doogled: “What is the rotten weasel toad’s name?”(She knew it was usually best to be direct and to the point with Doogle.)
Two hundred and twenty seven thousand pages of hits came back with the name: “Rumpledsowsear.”
Proud of herself to the point of emotional melt-down and peed undergarments, she just could not wait until that weaselly little toad showed up again.
The next morning, when the king’s and queen’s breakfast was delivered, they were not too surprised when they lifted the cover off their scrambled eggs and out hopped the toad. The queen immediately blurted out: “Rumpledsowsear!” The toad was paralyzed by shock and sick with dismay (but secretly impressed too) and nearly croaked right then and there. But, in the end he merely bounced past the guard in shining armor, through the window and into the moat----and was never heard from again (after the splash that is).
There is nothing quite like having good Doogle Juice----works on warts too!
Charles Buell, Real Estate Inspections in Seattle!
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