I almost have to laugh, because I had written this article last week while traveling and today it seems more appropriate then ever. When confronted by the numerous times I've encountered various mindsets of individuals on multiple boards, forums, wikis, communities, and blogs - how does one go about networking on a consistent basis without stepping on a few toes? The answer is simple, you don't.
In real life, I am often referred to as one of the friendliest people you can know. I can talk to anyone on almost any topic, ranging from teen age crisis and legal issues, to politics and business taxes. I rarely (if ever) find someone in the real world that I cannot form a positive relationship with. Yet without failure, there will occasionally be a personality that seems to beg of being inappropriate or rude. This could be the intoxicated wanderer at an evening get together or it could be a professional who is out of their element. It could be someone you have to work with, or someone you will never see again.
Online networking and conversation holds some of these same real world elements true, but it also creates some amazingly short interactions that are seemingly drawn from a bad day of work or personal episode. Just when you've mastered some of the basic skills for interacting with the masses online, a new contributor comes along and breaks the mold of consistency and friendly nature. Online communities can be amazing tools for making connections for business and personal interests, yet it can also be a detriment to how you are perceived. I'll take a moment to share some of the tips that I have published over the years for interacting in a potentially volatile environment. This used to be one of my favorite presentations for online communities, as most individuals in the corporate world seem to apply corporate etiquette to blogging. - Understand the culture and the community: Every site and community has a different flavor. Myspace is different than FaceBook, Yahoo 360 different than Linked-In. They not only have different technical platforms, they have different personalities on both sides of the controls. One moment you may be having a chat about the latest gadget and political joke on site A, and the other moment you will find insult on answering questions or discussing personal topics.
- Develop who you are: When you get online, don't try to fake it. There are plenty of people who recognize you from other social circles and environments. What you say on one will be noticed on the other. It may not be written in the text on screen, but the wandering reader will take note of places you have long forgotten.
- Don't be pushy: If you have an alpha personality or stubborn streak, sit back and enjoy a cup of coffee. The social cues given in the online realm are far less telling than the ones you may receive in the real world.
- Do not take offense: People often get grumpy for all the wrong reasons. In a written environment, bloggers often fall prey to a few words that flavor an entire relationship. One brief statement does not make a relationship, nor does it create one. A relationship is made by a consistent level of interaction over a period of time.
- Do what you say: When you write down a course of action, do it. There is nothing more damaging in the business world (and relationships of all kinds) than declaring a list of actions items and then failing to carry through on them. If you need to change the course of action, declare the intent to do so. The world of online communities presents us with the challenge of never knowing who may be reading our ideas, and a professional will carry through on statements knowing that there may be individuals that are acting upon it.
- Do not abuse the community: We all hate spammers or unsolicited sales calls. Members of a community also dislike it when the culture of the community is being abused for other motives. When joining a new group, the purpose of joining should be to participate in the conversation of the group. It should not be to pursue personal agendas, until it is known whether or not those personal goals fit in with the culture of the community.
 - Treat people like you were having a face to face meeting: So many people become rude or negative online when they would never do so in the real world. There is a tendency in new bloggers (or any online forum) to make hasty statements or jump to conclusions about being treated unfairly. They lack the experience or the understanding of the community environment, and blunder into social situations simply because they don't know any better. This could be easily compared to someone walking into a courtroom for the first time and failing to pay the judge the appropriate respect.
- Offer your assistance: With any sizable group, there will be varying levels of skills and experience through-out it. Everyone will have a strength and everyone will have a weakness. Most of us will know what our strengths are, while few of us will know our weakness. Offer assistance, friendly guidance, and helpful mentoring to your fellow community members. If they react poorly, give them room and step back. Not everyone takes kindly to having someone know more than they do in a specific field.
- Remember "do unto others" and "what goes around, comes around": Online communities are chalk full of karmic balance. Both good and bad things come back to you months and years after the fact. Even when someone treats you poorly, take a moment to gather your thoughts, provide a respectful exit, and move on. You will find that being the better person in an online conflict is far better than being known as a negative personality.
- If you do step across someone's line, apologize: Treat everyone online as if you are dealing with someone of another nationality. Do not take your preconceptions into the conversation. If they say they are offended, offer an apology and move on. Do not attempt to move past a simple apology, if someone chooses to be offended with a simple interaction there is often little you can do to change their opinion. Accept that some individuals either have thin-skin or are seeking conflict.
The lessons of online community are simple. Give people the benefit of the doubt and don't jump to conclusions about who they are or what they are saying. If you don't understand a question or comment, ask for clarification and move on. There a millions of people to interact with on the net and in real life, making a decision from the beginning to be a positive influence on the people around you will earn you the respect of other individual and of the community. If all else fails, enjoy a cup of coffee: There are bigger issues in life. Don't fret one bad apple. Every community is full of friendly members who are seeking your expertise and knowledge. Share yourself with other like-minded souls and enjoy another conversation tomorrow.
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52 Comments on Community Etiquette- From Good to Bad
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How much have you had? lol
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Most people in sales-related industries have heard that words only account for 7% of communication. The other 93% are tonality (38%) and body language (55%). That's what makes online networking and communities tricky. The flat medium can sometimes make it difficult to clearly understand the author's intent. As easily as the web brings us together, it can quickly take away the human element when all we see is the monitor in front of us.
Thanks for putting these guidelines together so eloquently, Barry. We can all use them at one time or another. Just be sure not to overdo it on the coffee! :)