The local paper in Winchester does an interesting page every Monday. On Monday they publish articles from 100 years ago, 75 years ago, 50 years ago and 25 years ago. I'm always most fascinated with the 100 years ago. Since I wasn't here to remember them they 
tend to be the most enlightening and entertaining.
On a recent Monday edition, the first story was my favorite. It seems that the postmaster had complained to the local city government that too many men were spitting tobacco on the floor. There were spittoons all around, but these uncouth city slickers had taken to spitting wherever and whenever they wanted, and since the postmaster was also the custodian of the post office this had to stop! Besides, it was a health issue.
Local laws had to be amended to make spitting on the floor of the post office a fine-able offense. It could cost up to $4 if the offense was severe enough, and in 1901 $4 was a lot of money ($108.11 in today's dollars). Well, the story got me thinking. What would I fine people for if I could stick a $4 fine on offenders? Here's a partial list:
- Wearing pajamas anywhere but in your home - cha-ching! $4.00 please
- Non-handicapped parking in handicapped only slots - cha-ching! $4.00
- Sitting right beside my table in a completely empty restaurant - Cha-ching! Move over. Leave your $4.00 on the table!
- Wearing too much cologne anywhere - teary-eyed, sneezing cha-ching!
- Driving 10 miles under the speed limit in the passing lane - cha-ching, cha-ching!
- Talking loudly on your cell phone - we all have them - nobody is impressed - cha-ching! Hand over the $4.00 and use inside voices!
- Trying to impress me with your intellect while using bad grammar - cha-ching! That should be $8.00, but I did set a $4.00 limit. Your lucky day Sparky!
- Not returning important phone calls, emails or text messages - cha-ching! Ante up, $4.00.
- Playing your music so loud in traffic that my car vibrates - cha-ccchhhhiiinnnnggggg!
- Chewing with your mouth open - cha-ching! What was that? $4.00, cough it up!
- Butting in line anywhere - cha-ching! Back to the end of the line, Bub. Oh yeah, $4.00 please.
- Texting while traveling down 95 out of DC at 5:00 pm (actually, at any time) - cha-ching, put down that phone and hand it over, $4.00.
- Leaving a piece of gym equipment dripping with sweat after you've used it - that will be $16. The bio-hazard team needs to get paid too you know.
- Showing up at a grieving family's house after the funeral to try to get a listing - CHA-CHING! Where do these people come from? $4.00 please.
- Controlling the speaker's teaching time at continuing ed classes so that half the material is skipped - cha-ching - $4.00 and half your credits please.
You see my dilemma. There are just to many things to fine people $4.00 over. Of course we could use these fines to settle the national debt. What do you think, two weekends? We should be there in two weekends, maybe three. Anyway, what's on your $4.00 fine list? I may need to take out a loan if this ever becomes law!
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