In this business, an agent must be engaging.  We don't 'sit' in an office and do business with the same people everyday.  The majority of our business is with new 'partners' or clients!

Sales is not for the shy, that's for sure.  Good for your wife finding it within her to muster up the courage to try something new. 

I think many people are 'shy', maybe not necessarily per se but for the moment. There's nothing wrong with being shy, just don't let it get in the way of meeting people!

When I started in Real Estate (many moons ago) I decided that I couldn't afford to be "shy".  I needed to take the first step when meeting someone, introduce myself, and face rejection like a man (no offense to the ladies, just an expression)...  I soon realized that I wasn't shy after all.  It soon became part of my personality to go out and engage in meaningful conversation with others.  It makes me smile when people mentioned how "outgoing" I am...  Uhmmm... if they only knew... 

 Psycho-Cybernetics (mechanics of the mind) - I am actually in the middle or reading it but definitely the same topic. The book was written by a plastic surgeon who realized that changing exterior characterisitcs do not change the person. Shyness, awkwardness, selfconciousness,    whatever... great book and so far I highly recommend it... will let you know the final outcome but my expectations are very high!!  If you are looking for something to get you over a fear...yeah this is it...

Karl... some people are just born shy.  Some explode into being a social butterfly because of their past. In the case of your wife, she has gone through this before, and it's sometimes is hard to just open up or give your hand out.

Myself...I was very shy when I was very young, but we moved a lot. Yes, believe it or not, I am a social butterfly....  ;o)  But church can be a great outlet for new found friends. And as you ended, you basically don't know until you try, hence trying different organizations.....

Hi Karl,  You can try to get to the functions early, when there are a lot less people.  Then, you and your wife can probably find people standing by themselves and go over to them.  I am not shy, but I do not like to go to functions that have large groups of people and I do not know any of them.

Another thing you can do (if it is a dinner) is attend with a few folks that she knows and then when you start talking to someone new, introduce your wife to the new folks (saying something of interest about her) and also introduce the friends at the table.  Continue on to each new person.  Soon, you will have gotten everyone at the table introduced and each one will know something interesting about all of the others.  From there, you will be able to start talking to folks at other tables and just mingle up a storm.  Your wife, by that time, will probably have found some people she is enjoying a conversation with.

I remember feeling this way too many times.  I bought a book titled "The Art of Mingling"  it gave me some real good pointers and now I do it with ease!  

When I'm feeling awkward socializing, I try to remind myself that no one knows I'm awkward until I show them!

The old saying is..."nothing good ever happens in the office". You have to go out and meet people. Thinking back on some of my days, your observations are dead on. Often it is me.

Great post.

Your post brought to mind a quote that I heard in a business development presentation a couple of days ago.

You don't have to be the life of the party, what is important is that you are at the party! I'm certain that your presence was detected whether or not you recognized it.

I've enjoyed being included in a group where everyone else was related or acquainted with two dining areas or tables.  The hostess made a good time of having a 'table turn' for dessert.  The "new" people were transported to a different table and a different group of welcoming people.

I had a similar experience when I moved to San Diego.  We often felt that the members of our old parish (in Phoenix) were too old for us and not friendly.  What a mistake.

We came to San Diego ready to make friends...and we did.  It's amazing when you assume to responsibility to be outgoing what can happen

Karl... so much of others reaching out to us revolves around our willingness to reach out to others. We've all got little insecurities that we don't like to admit. We don't have to overcome the insecurities as much as we have to overlook them.

Karl:  I can relate to your wife's shyness.  As a young realtor,  in a new subdivision, my broker husband tried to get me to wave at neighbors as we would drive by, and I was quite indignent - that was inappropriate to me.  You used a great analogy for new salespeople.

Karl,

Thanks for the post. No doubt this business is not for the faint at heart. Tough skin and perseverance.

I used to be shy like your wife.  After many years of sales I have pretty much lost all shyness,

Sometimes it is shyness, but some of us are reclusive!  When God invented cocooning, I was the model!   All of the things I drive myself and my husband to do to MIX require my to release an inner "Tough, Street person"

• (in the past) REALTOR conferences found the members of agencies all sitting at 'their table' for lunch.  I would bedevil the agents from the brokerage I was part of to split up, at least in twos, and butt in.  Because we were in twos and because we were daring, we dropped some of our inhibitions and stirred the social pot at those tables.  We received a lot of 'funny looks' but by time to return to the meetings the tables we sat with had a lot more fun than the ones we missed.  I don't know if it changed their world, but it was for sure good for us.
• NOW, when we end up at a meeting where we don't know anyone, I press us to at least bull in on another occupied table instead of taking an empty one in a corner. 
• IF we must begin a table, we make every effort to invite new people entering the room to join us.
• If we have a too large table in a cafe and new people come in, we are open to inviting them to join us. We've gotten acquainted with  some delightful, interesting people.

Qualifying:  See, for me it is hard, so I am butting in and bulling in.  NEVER have I found that the people we joined objected to our joining them. 

A certain attitude is needed for this business.  I was a shy child and very cautious when making friends.  Somewhere in middle school I realized there were a ton of different attitudes out there and I quickly got over my shyness in an effort to make new friends.  I now strike up conversations with friendly strangers almost everywhere I go.

I think you're right in that we are sometimes to blame.  The "dud" social gatherings I've been to have been that because I wasn't feeling up to it and didn't really feel like being there.

In this business you have to make contact with people. I am really interested in others so I find it easy to connect.

I picked up a few mingling tips from a professional networker in my area:

1.  Always act like you’re the host of the party.  Offer to get drink refills, ask if they have questions…

2.  Start difficult business conversations with “What do you do” or “What do you find is the biggest obstacle in your business?”  That should get the conversation rolling.

3.  Find a "wallflower" and engage them in conversation.  It'll give you a mission and make them feel less isolated.

"Sales is a contact sport", I love that!  It is so true!  Sales is not for the timid, nor for people who genuinely don't care about developing relationships as you said.  Also, Heather gives some good tips for those not sure where to start.

I agree with Rochell. That line "sales is nto a contact sport" echoed with me.  Good post. A nice gentle reminder that we have to put ourselves out there in order to get results.  The other day, I was at a meeting that was very eye-opening for me.  I mentioned that I am reserved and somewhat shy.  The agent next to me said "Really, I never would have guessed."  It made me think.  That I may feel shy on the inside, but people do not know this unless I tell them! 

FORD concept also works at parties and get togethers you can talk to anyone with FORD  just ask about family, occupation, recreation and dreams opens alot of doors.

I haven't had that happen to me. But I know what you are talking about. I always try to find the person in the corner. 

realtors cant be shy....i think good, outgoing perople skills are a MUST in this business.

I would not say that I am shy but I would say that I do not always prefer to socialize...it takes a lot of energy.  When I am placed in a social setting it is as though I turn on a switch and do my thing.  Now if you ask others, they would describe me as a social butterfly.

I know what you are talking about! When I was younger I was the person to sit in the corner and socialize with the same person. I didnt want to leave, but I didnt really have anything to talk about with anyone. What a waste- LOL. I am sure we have all learned throughout the sales process that people LOVE to talk about themselves. Its always an easy way to start a conversation Asking the "FORD" questions: How is the FAMILY, OCCUPATION? How RECREATION (hobby) going? I know you wanted to ... how is that coming along? DREAM

I, too, have a "shy" partner. I now notice that with the passing years, all of our closest friends come from my contacts in the business. What a wonderful job we have to be able to pick and choose the best of the best to socialize with and become friends with. Truly life enriching! No, this is not a job for the shy and the rewards well outpace the drawbacks to not be "shy"!

Jarrett - Your Toronto Realtor

Jarrett Hunter REALTOR

www.Jarrett.ca

sales is a contact sport, good quote...

Chris