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Fear Is Not Respect

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Lake Homes Realty

 

Well, it happened again. Someone I know just through business networking events, we'll call her "Jane Doe," was going on and on about how much her agents and employees needed to respect her more.

"I've earned it!" she exclaimed. Jane was quite insistent on how she "demanded respect" with the many ways she forced her staff to do her bidding. This included a long list of personal tasks and pointless chores.

I thought much of her bragging should have been embarrassing to her. You may be the broker and employer, but demeaning staff who fear for their jobs is not my thing. And I can't see how this behavior helps her team work more efficiently or be more customer focused.

In my opinion, Jane was soaking in the fear she created and fooling herself to believe it is respect.

Fear is not respect. Fear is aggressive and incites reaction. Respect is assertive and brings response.

I see too many people like Jane who bully to create fear and resentment, then claim it's respect. Either they don't know what respect is or in their need for respect they will take anything close and claim it. In the meantime, the great agents and employees leave while the bad or scared people stay. What value does that add to an organization?

Through the years as I've met others in various businesses, I also learn much about their business culture and leadership. Here are some unscientific observations I've made about many "demanding" business leaders:Woman in distress at conference room table

1. If you have to keep saying you demand respect, then you clearly have not earned it. Solid, healthy leaders don't keep disrespectful staff but they do keep intelligent people who are safe in expressing their own points of view.

2. If people operate in fear of being fired at the whim or disposition of a boss, they will both hate their job and do nothing extra to help a organization grow. These agents and employees keep their mouth shut and do only enough to get paid; only the desperate work in such an environment, a work place that is not mentally healthy for anyone.

3. People hate to be shoved but love to follow. Now we all need a proper nudge ever so often. Sometimes, we need a friendly push. But don't expect much growth from people who are regularly berated, tricked, embarrassed, and yelled at.

4. Listening is either selective or turned off. We hear what we want to hear. Everything else is just noise that is immediately (or soon) forgotten. The babble of the bully boss has to be ignored or one can't survive it and remain emotionally healthy.

Naturally, I'm sure you can add to this list and we all have stories of the disasters brought on by bully bosses. The best leaders I know have great empathy and respect for their teams, the exact opposite behavior of the bullies.

Leadership is behavior based. What is your behavior?

 

Posted by

Glenn S. Phillips is the CEO of Lake Homes Realty, the multi-state, full-service, lake-focused real estate brokerage powered by LakeHomes.com.

 Lake Homes Realty - LakeHomes.com

 

 

Comments (25)

Glenn S. Phillips
Lake Homes Realty - Birmingham, AL
CEO, Lake Homes Realty / LakeHomes.com

Hi John, right on! It seems easy, but so many struggle to trust. Thanks! G

Fernando, great point, she is a bully. Good add. G

Hi Valerie, yes, everyone does deserve respect, for everyone is good at something. G

Hi Carol, I often wonder how those demanding ever believe they're respected. G

Roger, good point, respect is not understood by so many. Thanks for commenting! G

May 12, 2013 01:42 AM
Nick T Pappas
Assoc. Broker ABR, CRS, SFR, e-Pro, @Homes Realty Group, Broker/Providence Property Mgmnt, LLC Huntsville AL - Huntsville, AL
Madison & Huntsville Alabama Real Estate Resource
Glenn, you are quite right...if you have to demand respect then you certainly have not earned it or deserve it...suggested!
May 12, 2013 12:57 PM
Bill Reddington
Re/max By The Sea - Destin, FL
Destin Florida Real Estate

Sounds like Jane Doe is going to have a constant turn over of staff. Get lots more with honey then the alternative.

May 13, 2013 03:56 AM
Jan Green - Scottsdale, AZ
Value Added Service, 602-620-2699 - Scottsdale, AZ
HomeSmart Elite Group, REALTOR®, EcoBroker, GREEN

Glenn - wow! I can't imagine thinking outloud like that, that this person has already earned their respect.  That speaks volumes about the agent/broker.  Same rules apply when telling someone how much money you have. If you have it, why discuss it. 

May 13, 2013 04:20 AM
Nina Hollander, Broker
Coldwell Banker Realty - Charlotte, NC
Your Greater Charlotte Realtor

You're so right! When you've really earned respect, you know it and you don't need to be demanding it.

May 13, 2013 05:14 AM
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

In my opinion, respect is a two way street. If you want to receive it, you have to give it.

I've had a few discussions with school teachers who think I'm crazy. They're the BOSS of the classroom, why should they give those wormy kids respect? Hmmm... maybe because they're fellow human beings.

Of course those teachers are the ones kids hate - and disrespect at every opportunity. They get what they earned.

May 13, 2013 05:53 AM
Richard Iarossi
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Crofton, MD
Crofton MD Real Estate, Annapolis MD Real Estate

Glenn,

She's only kidding herself if she thinks that the behavior of her agents towards her is respect. I'm sure in many instances, it's contempt.

Rich

May 13, 2013 06:03 AM
Ann Griffin
Coldwell Banker Trails and Paths Premier Properties - Mesa, AZ
Realtor, ABR, E-PRO, SRES in Mesa, AZ

Jane seems to fit the profile of "terrible bosses" that show up in various articles, books, and blog posts.

The best bosses I have ever had are the opposite, and much of it (forgive me if this is corny) is about love. Bosses who truly care about their employees, know their spouse's and kids' names, ask about their mothers' health, AND know how to be organized and move the company towards its goals, these are the bosses I would follow to the ends of the earth.

 

May 13, 2013 06:26 AM
Bob Miller
Keller Williams Cornerstone Realty - Ocala, FL
The Ocala Dream Team

Hi Glenn, we agree especially with the first one on your list.  One has to earn respect!

May 13, 2013 06:31 AM
Jill Sackler
Charles Rutenberg Realty Inc. 516-575-7500 - Long Beach, NY
LI South Shore Real Estate - Broker Associate

This is so insightful. We all know people who equate fear and respect, unfortunately.

May 13, 2013 06:40 AM
Charita Cadenhead
eXp Realty - Birmingham, AL
Serving Jefferson and Shelby Counties (Alabama)

I love this post.

May 13, 2013 06:46 AM
Lyn Sims
Schaumburg, IL
Real Estate Broker Retired

I've witnessed a few examples of agents that are so demanding & downright nasty to their staff, they feel their staff deserves 'tough love' or other nonsense.  I think it's actual abuse personally.

May 13, 2013 07:39 AM
Kimo Jarrett
Cyber Properties - Huntington Beach, CA
Pro Lifestyle Solutions

I don't agree with your perception about fear as being aggressive and incites reaction, perhaps you really meant fearless. Fearful people are timid and regressive and reluctant to take any action, yet you can be fearless and fearful, it just depends on the circumstances, doesn't it? 

Nobody condones a bully except another bully and throughout my life, I've never seen a successful bully, have you? Some may view demanding bosses as bully's, yet demanding responsibility and accountability is a virtue in my opinion because it separates the players from the spectators and therein is the difference, don't you agree?

May 13, 2013 09:59 AM
Glenn S. Phillips
Lake Homes Realty - Birmingham, AL
CEO, Lake Homes Realty / LakeHomes.com

Hi All, Thank you for all the comments. I suppose I knew I was "preaching to the choir" here in ActiveRain, but still appreciate the thoughts and expansion of the concept.

Kimo, I think your points are particularly insightful and agree, for the most part. I have seen fearless people that were still nice. I suppose there are outliers on all of this. I find most people are afraid someone will see their personal doubts. Essentially self-esteem issues that they cover using aggression.  But you are right, it does often depend on the circumstances.

Thanks! G

May 13, 2013 11:37 AM
Sharon Parisi
United Real Estate Dallas - Dallas, TX
Dallas Homes

Glenn, these are great words of wisdom.  My grandmother often said, "If someone has to tell people how great they are, they are probably not that great. If they are great people will know it!"

May 14, 2013 01:22 AM
Gene Riemenschneider
Home Point Real Estate - Brentwood, CA
Turning Houses into Homes

I worked for a guy like this once.  I remember his personal assistant going around collecting money for his birthday present.  It felt like a shake down and his demand to be loved.

May 14, 2013 04:37 AM
Theresa Akin
CORPUS CHRISTI REALTY GROUP - Corpus Christi, TX

If she's not careful, she'll be a one-person office. I knew a guy who was bullying the brokers who sponsored him. He ended up working for an out of town broker who was affiliated with our MLS. Eventually he got his broker's license and is a one-person office. People know him and just don't want him as their broker. Thank goodness he prefers to take his mce classes on-line.

May 14, 2013 06:17 AM
Annett T. Block
NextHome Connect Realty - Fort Lauderdale, FL
Your NextHome in Fort Lauderdale Beach

Show respect and you will earn respect! Its a give and take!

May 14, 2013 08:39 AM
Travis "the SOLD man" Parker; Broker/Owner
Travis Realty - Enterprise, AL
email: Travis@theSOLDman.me / cell: 334-494-7846

When I owned my own businesses, I tried to maintain the employees respect without a Heavy Hand. Some stayed with me for anywhere from 5 - 15 years, so I guess I balanced it decently.

May 15, 2013 08:26 AM
Sussie Sutton
David Tracy Real Estate - Houston, TX
David Tracy Real Estate for Buyers & Sellers

I have worked for a boss who confided in me that felt she was not respected when an employee made an error. Instead of trying to figure out why the employee was making mistakes and providing corrective measures to mend those mistakes she kept silent.

In my position I could not let her know that this was her first job where she supervised personnel. It was obvious no matter how much education she had; it was clear none was in supervision. Any kind of help would not have been appreciated because she also believes that anyone who doesn't have a college education isn't worthy of an opinion no matter how successful one is.

Sad huh?

May 30, 2013 02:41 PM