I've had the opportunity to mentor quite a few newer agents lately.  It's been fairly easy to teach them how to complete the technical part of a real estate transaction, but when it comes to dealing with their clients or other agents or even service providers I have had a very difficult time conveying the importance of confidence and taking control of the situation.

Real Estate is a relationship business, it's not transactional.  No matter how beautiful of a contract you write or how completely you understand the theory of negotiations, if you don't have confidence the transaction still has a good chance of crumbling.  It's us, the agents that are the glue that holds the whole thing together. 

Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your pants. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality - the more self confidence you have, the more likely it is you'll succeed.

Although many of the factors affecting self confidence are beyond your control, there are a number of things you can do to build self confidence. By using these 10 strategies you can get the mental edge you need to reach your potential.

1. Dress For Success

Although clothes don't make the man, they certainly affect the way you feel. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don't look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance.  This doesn't mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. Just make sure you have a few good quality outfits that fit you well and that are comfortable but business like.  I have found that darker solid colors are more authoritative than vibrant prints.  This is a matter of personal taste but you may want to take a good look at any business magazine or TV show and see what successful and confident people are wearing.

2. Walk the Walk and Talk the Talk

One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren't in a hurry, you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important.  Similarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self confidence. They aren't enthusiastic about what they're doing and they don't consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you'll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You'll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

3. Eye Contact, Smile and Touch

This is a big one.  Looking directly at the person you're talking to, smiling and touching them will do more than almost anything else on this list to make your confidence level rise.  A firm handshake or even a pat on the arm makes it seem like you're in control.  Whatever you are trying to accomplish or negotiate will be a lot easier if you can connect with the other person.  Don't be afraid to connect personally with another person.  Negotiations are not just about inanimate things, they are all about people and emotions.

4. Motivational Books and CD's

One of the easiest ways to build instant confidence is listening to a motivational speech. There are so many great CD's available and several real estate specific.  Listen to these in the morning while you're getting ready for work and in your car while driving.  I find this inspirational and a sure way to keep my confidence and positive attitude even on the most trying of days.  Some of my favorites are Zig Zigler, Brian Tracy, Norman Vincent Peal, and Brian Buffini.

5. Gratitude

When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can't have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You'll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success.

6. Compliment other people

When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you'll become well liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself. Don't fall victim to the negative market talk instead politely excuse yourself and think about how grateful you are that you don't have to dwell on the negative.

7. Sit in the front row

In schools, offices, and public assemblies around the world, people constantly strive to sit at the back of the room. Most people prefer the back because they're afraid of being noticed. This reflects a lack of self confidence. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over this irrational fear and build your self confidence. You'll also be more visible to the important people talking from the front of the room.

8. Speak up

During group discussions many people never speak up because they're afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn't really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you'll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

9. Do something that scares you every day

Practice!  That's right, low confidence is fear based.  The more you try things that make you uncomfortable the easier they'll become and the more confident you will become. You can start by simply talking one thing that is out of your comfort zone everyday and making it a priority.  By doing this daily you'll increase your comfort zone and and your self confidence.

10. Focus on contribution

Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you're making to the rest of the world, you won't worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase self confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world the more you'll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.