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Relationship Is When You Are Naked In Bed

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408

In the years, when, as every immigrant of the 90s, men were either driving a taxi, or a limo, I was driving a limo in New York City. And when I did not have passengers, I would listen to the radio.

I was fascinated by a talk show by a psychologist / psychotherapist (she is still on the air). People would call with questions, and she would answer. She was absolutely brilliant, and her answers helped me to adapt to life in the US a lot. It helped me better understand how people think here.

Unlike Russia, where you get entangled in relationships and it becomes your problem for life, here she would separate what was healthy and what wasn’t and know when to cut the chord, and it was something absolutely new to me.

I remember how once a mature lonely lady called and was asking about a long distance relationship and she was going on and on and on. The host stopped her and said that relationship is when you are naked in bed, and what she was describing was not a relationship, it was a fantasy or whatever was it (I do not remember the exact wording, only the notion)…

Realtionship is when you are naked in bed

I am on the list for Online Dominance group, founded and until recently run by by Michael Russer (Mr. Internet). It was recently sold, but they keep sending me invitations for their weekly webinars. Every time they have some interesting person to spend an hour sharing their expertise.

I have not been signing in for the last several weeks because they were all about social media. Today was no exception. It was again about how to use FB and how to affect your sphere of influence…

I think that real estate on Facebook is like a long distance relationship. It is a fantasy. And the so-called sphere of influence is pretty much a fantasy and there is very little influence if any at all. And thousands of “friends” is also a fantasy. There is no sweat and blood of real relationships.

It is simply a virtual noise on the net. Billions of us buzzing on the net and creating that noise and hoping that if we can buzz louder and buzz more it can miraculously turn into conversations and, subsequently, sales.

Immediately there emerged a huge group of gurus, who not only teach you how to buzz, but who would tell you that if you do not buzz, you would not exist in real estate.

This is a huge lie.

The lie, which is convenient to gurus and experts and it is easy to figure why.

The lie, which is convenient to agents, who think that they can substitute the blood and sweat of hard work, the love to people with distant buzzing…

The truth, however, is that a lot of really successful agents are not even using Social Media. A lot of really successful agents do not go beyond email. With very few exceptions really successful agents do not use Active Rain…

The truth is that to have sales you have to relate to people, you have to love them. Sales are the product of this love, the product of these relationships. And if you do not have it, for the most part this virtual noise is just virtual noise.

It is not that Social Media does not exist, it is that for real estate as business its importnace is blown out of proportion.

You got to get in bed have relationships with your customers to have sales. This is what real estate has always been about.

It still is.

And relationship Is when you are naked in bed.

Image by Search Engine People Blog via Flickr.com

Anonymous
Leroy Cook

Excellent post.  Most people spend more time loking for an easy way to do a job than they would spend doing the job if they just went and got started. Knocking on doors, cold calling on the phone and just introducing yourself to someone at the grocery store and giving them your card are all much more difficult than spending hours on VB but I have to believe the ROI is much greater.  Yes. FB is one of the many tools we all have to check out and decide if it is helpful for us.  There clearly is not room in our toolboxes for all the tools available so choices have to be made.  Thank goodness FB has not yet reached the status of God, Motherhood and Apple Pie.  Thanks.

Mar 17, 2013 02:51 AM
#70
Gloria Todor
Premier Property Sales & Rentals - Springfield, PA
& Doug Durren (484) 431-3686 in SE PA

Hi Jon, Saw your feature on Patricia's post.  Very true about how it is still about that one on one contact in having relationships that really work in business as in personal life.

I enjoyed hearing how you learned how this US culture works, from a radio program.  Very good!

All the best.

Gloria

Mar 17, 2013 05:31 AM
Alan May
Jameson Sotheby's International Realty - Evanston, IL
Home is where the hearth is.

... and sometimes you're naked in bed, and you still don't have a relationship.

Mar 17, 2013 05:48 AM
Tni LeBlanc, RealtorĀ®, J.D.
Mint Properties, Lic. #01871795 - Santa Maria, CA
Tenacious Tni (805) 878-9879

Wow Jon -

I think you nailed it.  And I do believe 2013 is the year to get back to business in the real estate business.

That means shaking some hands and ... getting naked.  There I said it.

This is the best blog I've read in a long while.

Tni

Mar 17, 2013 06:40 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Patricia - now I know why I started getting wind again... Thank you.

Mar 17, 2013 08:13 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Leroy - you are absolutely correct. When I see what length peple are willing to go to cut corners, I always wonder why not just do it. It would be easier and more productive to do it with blood and sweat, then finding this magic pill...

Thank you for your excellent observation

Mar 17, 2013 08:15 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Gloria - thank you. And it is true that radio was a very importnat teacher of not that much English, but rather life in the US. It was one thing to know about the event, and it was fascinating how far I was in judging it. Radio helped me understand what Americans valued.

Mar 17, 2013 08:20 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Erica - thank you very much. hope this year is a good one for you.

Mar 17, 2013 08:21 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Alan - gosh, you are so right... but I do not want to think about divorce. Not now :) If being naked wuld solve all the problems, we would have a much nicer life

Mar 17, 2013 08:22 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Tni - thank you. I am glad you liked it.

Mar 17, 2013 08:24 AM
Gary Frimann, CRS, GRI, SRES
Eagle Ridge Realty / Signature Homes & Estates - Gilroy, CA
REALTOR and Broker

Great post.  You did nail it.  Actually I found it well thought out and something that I have not thought about for a while.

Mar 17, 2013 04:25 PM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Gary - I think about it every time I get a call from yet another guru, who promises me paradise

Mar 18, 2013 12:50 AM
Debbie Cook
Long & Foster Real Estate, Inc - Silver Spring, MD
Silver Spring and Takoma Park Maryland Real Estate

A powerful message and I think powerfully TRUE.  There can be nothing like a REAL relationship - Online ones are really fantasy.

Mar 18, 2013 01:41 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Debbie - I knew I was not the only one thinking this way, thank you

Mar 18, 2013 02:04 AM
Elizabeth Weintraub Sacramento Broker
Elizabeth Anne Weintraub, Broker - Sacramento, CA
Put 40 years of experience to work for you

I don't do social media either. Don't have the time for it. But I do pay attention to SEO, and that gives me all the online presence I need.

Mar 19, 2013 03:22 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Elizabeth - you do excellent job. Your presance is very noticeable. Sometimes I would Google something, and here you are, answering this question on, I believe, ask.com

Very cool

Mar 19, 2013 06:02 AM
Joy Baker
RE/MAX Insight - Salem, NH
So NH RE & Short Sale Specialist

Great post, great writing, great analogy!

Mar 25, 2013 11:16 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

Joy - thank you, you are very kind.

Mar 25, 2013 11:31 AM
John J. Woods
Big Dog Press, LLC - Winder, GA
Going where no man has gone before - wouldn't you?

 

   You make me think of the past in the sense of agents/business people who were successful without ever using email years after email was in vogue.  Doesn't meen they wouldn't have had even more success with the creative use of the proper tools (telephone, answering machine, email, websites, blogging, social media, etc.).  The choice of the tool to use is a personal one and most people are not 'early adopters'.  Most people resist change.  I want to do whatever works, but, sorry Jon -- I'm just not looking forward to getting 'naked in bed with you'...

~ \ | / ~

"Remember - Think twice, push ‘Send' once.  Blogging, posting, commenting:  It's all 'never having to say you're sorry', because that won't make any difference --

-- it's FOREVER!"

Apr 08, 2013 06:21 AM
Jon Zolsky, Daytona Beach, FL
Daytona Condo Realty, 386-405-4408 - Daytona Beach, FL
Buy Daytona condos for heavenly good prices

John - LOL.

I once was talking to a marketing guru, and sheasked me whether I knew one keyword was bringing 22,000 clicks on Google. She looked at me and asked:

- Would it be great if they contacted you?

She knew the answer so well, that when I said

- God, no

she thought she misunderstood me. She thought of the great keyword, and I thought of 22,000 people contacting me. She saw great market protential, I saw a nightmare...

Apr 08, 2013 06:43 AM