"Good-Bye My Friend" : The Blanket

*It's very important to listen to this song while reading*

We knew each other for years. Funny how life works. He was brought into my life a few short months before it was over. Boy, was he a giver. He couldn't give enough. People were so eager to drain him dry but were never there to fill him back up. I had known him for years but were never close, until that summer...this past summer. Unbelievable, how it still feels like yesterday, the shock.

I was single, I was a mother...in need of a handyman. Being the friend that he was, he was always there. He would mow my lawn, hang up pictures, make me laugh and all the while, gripe about life. He stayed smiling but only to cover up the pain he pushed below the surface.

I try to think of good times, you know? I so upset for a bit that God would bring someone into my life on such short notice, only to take them away. But the impact was made. Things stand out in my mind, my heart...the blanket. That damn LSU blanket.

You know, the day of the blanket...I needed a truck. I was a single mother, you know. I was only so strong. Scott, that's his name, offered to drive me to the furniture store to pick of a piece. I told him I would pay him, as I did for every little thing he helped me with. And he saw it.  Right there. He was a die hard Lsu fan and the purple and gold screamed at him and he spoke "Wow, that's so awesome, I would love to have that". So, I bought it for him. 

Running inside, I scribbled a check to give him, you know - for helping me. I ran outside, out of breath..handing him the check. "What is this for," he says. I said "For helping me go to the store and stuff". He said "Well, I thought that was what the blanket was for". I got the blanket for him because I wanted to. I got him the blanket because I saw his eyes light up when he saw it.

He was taken back. Really didn't know how to respond. The look in his eyes, I remember -it was as if no one had ever done anything special for him. And it felt good. It felt so good to give back. The conversation of death and torment and life consumed me to reach out to him, and I did. He was done but I didn't know.

Two weeks later, the shock. The phone call. His sister (my best friend) walked into my room- stared at me, walked out and left.   And then came the call. He's dead. My stomach flipped. I couldn't catch my breath. The horror, traumactic, the body....the soul. Over. Gone. He couldn't take it. I cried. I cry as I type this because he is still gone, he just couldn't take it.

The day went by so slow. Slow....motion. Minute by minute...cop to cop....cororner to body bag. The family gathered in a huddle to embrace one another and we cried. But why? Who really knows the answer. No one knows why. Broken hearts and mourning death of a beloved friend.  He touched me. He made an impact.

Things were bad. The family in shambles. And then came the note and the blanket. The blanket was folded up very neatly in the "other" room and on top of it was a letter. "Lindsay, you are so awesome- thank you- I love you and Cooper"(my son). I almost threw up. Why me? Took awhile to sink it. Couldn't accept it. All his mother got was a box of spare change he had b/c he owed her money. He got every dime he had together, it was on the kitchen table.

People often wondered why I got a note. I often wonder why he left it....why me? The blanket says it all. It was the first time that anyone had ever really gone out of their way and done something special for him. I knew it. I had an impact on him but I can't help but think that maybe it wasn't enough. Chills up my spine, the hair on my arms standing up as tall as ever- this is the way it makes me feel, this is the song that breaks my heart, and that damn blanket.

He will be missed. He was a good friend. He had a good spirit but the torment, a tragedy. When life feels like it's at a breaking point, the blanket comes to mind. I will away remember you. You're giving, your laughter, your broken heart and the battle you lost. You were loved, you didn't know. You are missed, you know this now. Good-bye my friend, I will always remember you.......and the ..blanket.