Each one of us are subject to "trigger" words. When we hear them we instantly react. More than one "Reply All" button is hit each minute in the US, as a result of seeing one of these "Trigger" words in an email. Most of the time they center around language that is accusatory. We can read them or hear them and instantly feel the blood run to our head. You know what I am talking about.
So how do we keep a bad situation from becoming worse? I was hired a few years ago at a start up company primarily because the hiring manager believed I do this well and would help the people I worked with learn how to do this. This start up company was jumping into deep waters and needed to build trust relationships with the fortune 500 companies they worked with quickly. They new the clients they worked for would be extremely demanding and this would create a great deal of stress on client mangers. True to their beliefs it was not long before some very wonderful people in our office started to show early warning signs of HIGH stress.
In truth I was feeling it too. What I learned fairly early on, was that a "soft word turns away wrath". I found that my response to angry and anxious clients helped lower their stress and mine as well. Before long other employees took notice of the fact that my desk was rarely on fire (so to speak). They would ask me to help them craft email responses to upset clients, tenants and upper management.
So whats the secret: Be honest in your responses and give factual information. Be kind in your responses. Take responsibility. Recognize that sometimes the person on the other end is under extreme pressure and your well crafted thoughtful email will help them go back to their direct report with an answer. Avoid those "Trigger" words. Even if they use them on you respond back in kindness not in kine. Show them that you understand the issues and have them as a top priority. Your job is to instill confidence in them that you will not stop working on the issue until you have an answer for them.
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