Special offer

CALMING COMMUNICATION

By
Real Estate Agent with Austin Texas Homes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Each one of us are subject to "trigger" words. When we hear them we instantly react. More than one "Reply All" button is hit each minute in the US, as a result of seeing one of these "Trigger" words in an email. Most of the time they center around language that is accusatory. We can read them or hear them and instantly feel the blood run to our head. You know what I am talking about.

 

So how do we keep a bad situation from becoming worse? I was hired a few years ago at a start up company primarily because the hiring manager believed I do this well and would help the people I worked with learn how to do this. This start up company was jumping into deep waters and needed to build trust relationships with the fortune 500 companies they worked with quickly. They new the clients they worked for would be extremely demanding and this would create a great deal of stress on client mangers. True to their beliefs it was not long before some very wonderful people in our office started to show early warning signs of HIGH stress. 

 

In truth I was feeling it too. What I learned fairly early on, was that a "soft word turns away wrath". I found that my response to angry and anxious clients helped lower their stress and mine as well. Before long other employees took notice of the fact that my desk was rarely on fire (so to speak). They would ask me to help them craft email responses to upset clients, tenants and upper management. 

So whats the secret: Be honest in your responses and give factual information. Be kind in your responses. Take responsibility. Recognize that sometimes the person on the other end is under extreme pressure and your well crafted thoughtful email will help them go back to their direct report with an answer. Avoid those "Trigger" words. Even if they use them on you respond back in kindness not in kine. Show them that you understand the issues and have them as a top priority. Your job is to instill confidence in them that you will not stop working on the issue until you have an answer for them.

 

 

Tracy Oliva
West USA Realty - Arizona - Fountain Hills, AZ
The Oliva Team Arizona Agents

Good Morning:   This is some great Info for all of us,  keep up the good work and good luck with your business,  E

Jul 29, 2013 09:56 PM
Andrew Mooers | 207.532.6573
MOOERS REALTY - Houlton, ME
Northern Maine Real Estate-Aroostook County Broker

How others react to you is hard to predict but choosing the words carefully helps. But so does setting expectations early on. Often there is nothing to be mad about, even if you are not fond of the outcome of a real estate event. But the way it is means try to fix, make the most of it. But don't waste emotions with a melt down, not helping the situation and no all about one person in any sale that involves many.

Jul 29, 2013 10:08 PM
Michael Setunsky
Woodbridge, VA
Your Commercial Real Estate Link to Northern VA

Alan, this is a good reason why an email response should sit for a while before sending. A lot of times it will require a rewrite. Thanks for the reminder.

Jul 29, 2013 10:10 PM
Than Maynard
Coldwell Banker Heart of Oklahoma - Purcell, OK
Broker - Licensed to List & Sell - 405-990-8862

Don't yell at ME!!!  ;-)   (Your title is in all CAPS..which is supposed to be shouting.)

Seldom is it a good idea to fire off a reply immediately....write it, read it, re-read it, wait and then read it again.

Jul 29, 2013 10:56 PM
Richard Iarossi
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Crofton, MD
Crofton MD Real Estate, Annapolis MD Real Estate

e-mail, as a communications medium, is very easy to misunderstand the intent and tone of the message. We all do have to be very careful before we hit that send button. Good reminder.

Jul 29, 2013 11:22 PM
Ron Tissier
Chapman Hall Premier Realtors (404) 580-9069 - Atlanta, GA
Defining Homes. Defining Lifestyles.

I'm pretty good too at defusing irrate, accusatory emails.  Most people just want to know that they're being heard, that you acknowledge them and understand their position whether you feel it's right or wrong.  Best practice for me is to write my reply then place the reply in the "draft" folder to come back to later.  In draft mode, I can usually improve upon the calming effect I want to achieve before sending.

Cheers!.

Jul 29, 2013 11:23 PM
Sharon Miller
RE/MAX Platinum - Crane Hill, AL

Alan,

When someone else seems to be "cruzin" for a verbal encounter, as you said, take the wind out of everyone's sails, including your own. Using a measured response with these situations will likely defuse a ticking time-bomb from exploding. In the end, you'll feel better because you maintained control of your emotions while attempting to address the issue. Everyone likes to deal with "happy people".....

Jul 29, 2013 11:24 PM
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes
Alan, you are spot on with your advice. Our communications convey or emotions, good or bad. I always believe in accentuating the positive.
Jul 29, 2013 11:40 PM
Tom White
Franklin Homes Realty LLC (615) 495-0752 or www.FranklinHomesRealty.com - Franklin, TN
Franklin Homes Realty LLC, Franklin TN

Great post Alan! In church last Sunday, our pastor was comparing exploding anger with a pop bottle being shaken and then unscrewed! We all need to let the offending e-mail sit awhile before we unscrew the cap and fire off a reply.

Jul 30, 2013 12:16 AM
Alan Kirkpatrick
Austin Texas Homes - Round Rock, TX
Alan in Austin

Paddy: Very funny. I better watch my words in your area. lol

Thank you all for your comments and contribultions and insights making this a far better article than it was in the beginning. Blessings on your week. 

Jul 30, 2013 12:18 AM
BILLY CRITTENDEN
Missoula Valley Properties, LLC - Missoula, MT
Broker/Owner,ABR,CRS,CNE,CNHS,GRI,RCC,SFR,SRS,SRES

Alan,

Thank you for your post. You have obviously been through the fire and come out a better person for it. I hope many people read this post and let it sink in, not only to their heads but also their hearts.

Jul 30, 2013 01:36 AM
Brian Sharkey
SharkeyRE LLC - Singer Island, FL
SharkeyRE

Alan,

Thanks for the post, good to know some of those trigger words.  Thanks for sharing.

Jul 30, 2013 01:38 AM
Anna "Banana" Kruchten
HomeSmart Real Estate - Phoenix, AZ
602-380-4886

Alan it's so important especially this past few years in understanding how to use calming words in times of extreme stress or frustration. We've had a lot of clients that lost their homes via short sales and keeping them calm has been critical to the success of getting them closed. Of course not to mention it helped with the banks too!

Jul 30, 2013 04:35 AM
Alan Kirkpatrick
Austin Texas Homes - Round Rock, TX
Alan in Austin

Billy: Kind words much appreciated.

Anna: Thans for your comment and addition to this post. 

Brian: thanks

 

All have  agreat week. 

Jul 30, 2013 08:41 AM
Jeff Fisher
PureWest Real Estate - Whitefish, MT
PUREWEST REAL ESTATE/Christies

Great post, we often run into people too many times that have their finger on the trigger way to much and are always ready to pounce back even when unintentionally provoked by a bad choice of words.

Thanks for the reminder and personal experience. 

Jul 31, 2013 07:12 AM
Lisa Friedman
Great American Dream Realty - Essex, VT
35 Years of Real Estate Experience!

Alan, I love the photo you chose to go along with this post, What you say is so true.

Aug 07, 2013 05:24 PM
Sharon Alters
Coldwell Banker Vanguard Realty - 904-673-2308 - Fleming Island, FL
Realtor - Homes for Sale Fleming Island FL

Alan, a calm word does turn away wrath, but it can make some people go ballistic. Never mind, just stay calm and they will eventually feel foolish at their outburst. Thanks for the reminder that people who blow are under immense stress. I have a Seller prone to that right now and this is helpful - even if their stress is really self-created, it is real for them.

Aug 22, 2013 02:43 AM
Alan Kirkpatrick
Austin Texas Homes - Round Rock, TX
Alan in Austin

Sharon:

Sorry to hear about your current difficult client situation. Sounds like you are experienced in handling it. Have a super weekend. 

Aug 22, 2013 02:48 AM
John J. Woods
Big Dog Press, LLC - Winder, GA
Going where no man has gone before - wouldn't you?

 

   Good post; great advice.  Kudos!  (I belive you get A/R points when someone comments on your post(?).  You deserve them.

 

Sep 02, 2013 04:58 AM
Alan Kirkpatrick
Austin Texas Homes - Round Rock, TX
Alan in Austin

John:

Thanks so much. Hope you have a wonderful week. 

Sep 02, 2013 06:39 AM