It’s Blooper Day again, my friends. I think the summer heat has fried a few brain cells… or perhaps I am just new to “creative marketing.” You be the judge. Thanks to Bryan Robertson of Palo Alto, CA and Jane Peters of Los Angeles for their side-splitting contributions. Names have been withheld to protect the incompetent.
Off to the Races
“Great ride off” (It’s a house, pal - not the Kentucky Derby!)
“New obligation system installed” (If you're in Jersey, that's Carlo “The Convincer” Capolini and his friendly vice grips.)
“Fool pad” (The soft spot between your ears?)
“Thin is a fixer.” (Try telling that to Bruce Willis’s hairline.)
“Please scab then email” (Isn’t it illegal to send body tissue through cyberspace, Mr. Lecter?)
Can’t Get Out of the Gate?
“Builtin shives” (Those will come in handy when you're doing time in San Quentin.)
“Limed draperies” (‘Sounds like someone went “man down” while doing Tequila shooters.)
“Beautifully remolded…will sell quickly” (Methinks the dead guy on the floor clutching his torn Hazmat suit might slow sales a bit…)
“Hand ribbed” (Apparently God is creating another Eve.)
“This is mine blowing!” (Hence the dead canary in the cage, Jack.)
Trailing Far Behind
“Pool for Royal baby’s birth at grand open” (Did you really think Kate would shoot out the royal progeny from atop a diving board at your open house?)
“Custom shelves for your collectors” (In my opinion, collectors are better used as dart boards.)
“Drawing for trip to Gran Caveman” ('So you're going to visit your Neanderthal brother?)
“Pool with slide and broad” (Uh, I think it's illegal to sell a house with your mother-in-law anchored to the pool drain.)
Time to Give Up the Reins
“Play area for the tits” (Ahem. Nope, not goin’ there. Thank God I'm only on my second martini. Knockers up, everyone!)
That’s it for this week, folks. Remember: Spell well and sell!
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