Top Four ADULT Jokes...

Mortgage and Lending with New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company)

Top Four Adult Jokes 

Fourth Place


A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast..

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."


Third Place:

 One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.

The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


Runner Up:

Bill worked in a pickle factory.  He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.  He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.  His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.  He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

"What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.

"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.

"Yes, I did." he replied.
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."

"No, Bill.  I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh...she got fired too."

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know," the old man said.  "We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago."

"Well," Granny snickered.  "Let's relive some old times."

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps.

"One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal."


Source: Unknown email.







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Doug Beaver
Century 21 Olde Tyme - Corona, CA
Corona Norco Eastvale Riverside Homes
Eli, The pickle slicer definately was a sleeper. I never expected that punch line ROFL
Jan 28, 2007 07:58 PM #1
Eli Magen
New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company) - Orlando, FL
Doug, I also thought this one should be the winner...
Jan 29, 2007 09:28 AM #2
Ann Guy
NA - Allentown, PA
Good monday humor!
Jan 29, 2007 03:20 PM #3
Rob Robinson- Lehigh Valley PA
Bertrum Settlements (Title & Abstract) - Allentown, PA

Great Tuesday humor.


These will get passed on. Thks.

Jan 30, 2007 09:00 AM #4
Eli Magen
New World Mortgages,(Mortgage Company) - Orlando, FL
Thx guys...good everyday humor.
Jan 30, 2007 11:45 AM #5
Rob Wesler
Harborview Financial Partners, LLC - Land O Lakes, FL
Still funny
Aug 14, 2007 06:49 AM #6
Gary J. Rocks
Sussex County Real Estate - West Milford, NJ


I heard them all, sorry. but hey they all made me laugh. and a few reminded me of past life experiences, you'll just have to guess which one's.

Aug 14, 2007 03:55 PM #7
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