Moving a Parent into your Home? A Missing Tip!!!

My Number One Tip to Prepare Moving a Parent into your Home!

I read an article this morning that included five tips (Consumer Reports Money Advisor which I have copied below) to prepare moving an elderly parent into your home.  This article caught my attention because I may have to move my in-laws into my home in the near future.  But, I saw one tip that was sorely missing!!!

First, I personally believe in the family unit.  I also strongly believe it is the children's responsibility to provide for their elderly parents if ever the need arises.  They raised us, sacrificed for us and we at least should support them in their latter years, in their time of need.  I know not everyone believes in this but I do.  I have a mother with dementia.  My brother stepped up to the plate and is taking care of her at the moment.  But I have 2 aging in-laws.  My mother-in-law has late stage Alzheimer's and my father-in-law who is 91 years old and is slowing down.  My father-in-law has always been as sharp as a whip and the life of the party.  Rrecently, my father-in-law has slowed down, partly due to taking care of my mother-in-law, his wife of 60 plus years, day in and day out.  But what is worse is My Father-in-law Will Not Make a Decision!!  From going to the store, to writing Christmas cards, to what to fix for dinner, etc., he just will not make a decision.  This includes coming to live with us or to have a full time live-in to help. 

What tip was missing?  I believe the missing tip is to prepare your parents early, to have an action plan that they agree with to either have them move close to you or close to elderly services as their mobility becomes an issue.  Then keep presenting the idea of the possibility they may need to move in with you someday.  All of us still think of our selves as 20 something's (maybe 30 something's).  Our parents feel the same way too.  They enjoy living next to their friends, they feel comfortable living in their home, they enjoy being mobile.  But, the older they get, the less they like change.  If you wait too long to prepare your parents to move, you most likely will have a battle-royal on your hands.  My father still has the mental capacity to say no and he does say NO to moving.  There is nothing we can do unless we take over conservatorship.  We were able to convince my mother early in her senior life, but my in-laws were too active so we let them be independent and live where they felt most comfortable. 

My message to you is follow the tips below while your parents are still young at heart, but also start talking to your parents about moving close to you or senior services and the possibility about eventually moving in with you if the need ever arises.

Here are five tips from Consumer Reports Money Advisor that could help you address some important issues before you bring your parent under your roof.

1. Get your legal ducks in a row. To protect your parent's legal rights, be sure to have in place a will, an advance health-care directive or living will, a financial power of attorney, and a health-care power of attorney. Also, decide before the move how much you and your siblings will each pay toward the cost of extra food, utilities, home retrofitting and nursing or other care. An attorney should draw up an agreement that spells out all the details; you can alter the document later if your parent's medical or care expenses change. For a list of attorneys that specialize in elder-law issues, go to http://www.naela.org/.
2. Understand the finances. If you pay for at least 50% of your parents' expenses, you can claim them as dependents on your tax return. That means you'll be able to deduct related medical expenses -- including doctor's visits, dental care, insurance premiums, medical equipment and home care -- that exceed 7.5% of your adjusted gross income. Modifications that you make to your house to accommodate your parent's health-care needs -- such as installing handrails on a stairway, putting in a ramp, or widening doorways -- are also considered medical expenses.
3. Retrofit your home. You will want your parent to feel as comfortable as possible in your home. Ideally that means providing a bedroom and bathroom of his or her own. If you don't have a spare room, consider closing off a dining or living room with a wall or even just a curtain for privacy. Make sure that the rest of your home is safe and accessible as well: install bright lighting in hallways, tuck electrical cords away from walkways, and replace door knobs with easier-to-open levers. Also, if your parent is disabled, lay down commercial grade rather than plush carpeting, which makes it easier to maneuver wheelchairs and walkers.
4. Arrange for services. If you are not sure what health-care services your parent will need, talk to his or her doctor or consult a geriatric-care manager. You can find one in your area through the National Association of Professional Geriatric Care Managers (http://www.caremanager.org/). If you need to hire a home-care aide to assist your parent with basic activities, stress that it will allow him or her to remain more independent in the long run. Set ground rules for the aide in order to maintain some privacy for your own family. A paid caregiver needs to know that there may be some areas in your home that are just for you, your husband and kids unless there is an emergency.
5. Don't overlook your family's needs. Bringing a parent to live with you will affect your family's lifestyle and emotions significantly. Be sure to take time for yourself -- exercise, eat healthfully and keep up your social contacts as best you can. Explain to your kids ahead of time that they may not be able to have friends over as much, or will need to be quiet after a certain time of the evening. Spend time just with your spouse or kids, even if that means asking a sibling or other relative to stay with your parent while you and your family have a special outing for the day or weekend.

See this other related article:
The Great Downsizing in Contra Costa County: Seniors on the Move!!!! 

You can find AJ Nisen on Active Rain at Contra Costa California Mortgages or at Bank of America Mortgage