Oh Fixer Upper House, how you make my heart go pitter pat!

The possibilities are endless, the equity abundant. You've been waiting for me your whole life, and Here I AM!

I'll give you a good scrubbing, painting, carpeting, termite treatment, roof and siding and you'll be good as new. I'll gussy you up with granite and tile. I'll get to pick all the colors! I'll never sit on a toilet seat used by anyone else!

The love of a good woman (and a stint in rehab) will turn you around, straighten you out, put you on the right track. I'll love you, and you'll love me and we'll live our lives in blissful harmony, flush with sweat equity and abundance...

Except that bigger fixer upper that won't stop winking at me, and he's SUCH a hottie....