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Failure is so easy...

Girl on ski slopes in Lake Tahoe Sounds of sobbing were coming from my room on the second day of my ski trip to Lake Tahoe last week week. I rush in to find a cute blonde six year old sitting on the toilet in full tears.

MOM-EEE.

I don't want to ski. I don't like it. I HATE it. I can't do it!

Oh me, oh my. What to do? I definitely don't want to be one of "those" mommies who push their kids to do things they absolutely hate. At the same time, I don't want to be one those parents who don't push enough and the kids regret it later in life that they didn't have the opportunity to do this or that.

What is a parent to do? Well, I asked lots of probing questions, trying to get down to the bottom of the situation. I can tell you, it is much easier to get an irrational buyer or seller to answer probing questions than a stubborn and quite irrational six year old. I wasn't getting anywhere.

With the busy holiday weekend and 8 days scheduled to be on the trip, we had planned for day # 2 to be a sledding day, thank goodness. This gave me a day to think, and to huddle with the other five families staying at the house. (yes, we had a houseful!)

I knew if I didn't get her skiing on this trip, it would be even harder next time, and it might never happen again. Timing is crucial. I decided that she had to work through her fears. She was going to learn how to ski. So, thinking cap on, I realized that I needed a fresh approach. Ski school wasn't right for her. Despite loads of hot cocoa, great friends, and lots of snacks, she didn't like it.

My girlfriend's 86 year old father joined us in Tahoe. His caretaker, a highly proficient (and patient) skier from Sun Valley, Idaho was with us. Sarah is incredibly sweet and patient. The kids adore her. She offered to take the little one out. We also had Brian, who works in the ski shop and takes care of the house during the winter. Brian is a ski pro. I took dad... Brian & Sarah took my little one and another six year old boy. They knew them and trusted them, and went off without a tear.

Two days later, my daughter was on the moguls. NOT KIDDING. 2 days of private lessons with Bryan and Sarah. 2 days of a different approach and she is a pretty darn good little skier.

She could have given up. 20 years from now, should could have regretted that she never learned to ski. I could have given up, not pushed her, and let her stay indoors and play princesses.

We could have said she can't. Well she could and she did.

Sometimes we have to push ourselves when we don't want to. Sometimes we have to step outside our comfort zone. Sometimes we have to push our kids and our clients- by taking a new and fresh approach.

Success isn't easy. Failure is.

P.S. My two year got on his skis for the first time too, but not quite ready for the big slopes!

Posted by Ginger Wilcox, Marin County Realtor on 03/01/2008 12:18 PM

Comments (98)

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98 Comments on Failure is so easy...

FEB

2008

Hey great post. The market is coming around, keep your chin up.

The easy way is always out, the hard way is the most uncomforable. I hope its been a good month for you. Good blogging. Lu

Ginger- So, so true. Sometimes we just need to take a fresh approach and get going. Thanks for the reminder.

thanks for sharing the post, i always say if theres a will theres a way

Very nice post ginger. Here is to many happy, healthy ski vacations in the future. Your ending is so true. And when we finally succeed in something challenging--it feels so good!

Hi Ginger, this is a great post. It's tough raising kids because we're never sure if we're encouraging or being over bearing. I'm thrilled your daughter learned how to ski. Learning young like that will give her a lifetime of memories!

Great point. It's so hard for me to get my daughter to do things she doesn't want... but I can't let her quit everything just because it's difficult either. Thanks for sharing that story.

www.stagingwebsites.com

What a great message. Success isn't easy, failure is. Love it.

Ginger- I love your story. It is always a balancing act with when to push and when not to. I went through playing so many instruments and my mother never made me stick to any of them, therefore, I can not play any. I wish she would have said to me, to stick with it for 6 months then you can change to another one so at least I could get some experience! To this day I wish I could play the piano. One day I will.

Great post and thanks for sharing. We usually go to Mammoth once a year and have been so busy - we did not get the chance to go!!

Ginger - I hear you oh so loud and clear over here in Allentown!

Very well done to you! If in the future your ski instructing friends are not around and you need help, CALL ME! The SKI NUT STUCK IN HONOLULU!

Have a GREAT weekend!

Cheers-

Mike

Thanks for sharing your story. I wish I would have been pushed a little more as a kid in certain actiivities. Higher expectations lead to better results.

Hi Ginger,

What a great message, excellent! :)

Way to go!!! Learning to do something new when we don't want to or are scared to will follow throught our lives. Learning to try new things opens many many doors in life.

watch out for June/July...we are going to begin seeing a shortage of available homes on the market.

Ginger, great real story post. My grandchildren say that according to their mom - failure is not an option. They've watched her - a single mom - go through and complete the RN program at great lengths in order to succeed. I think that's a good message to give to your children - either through your example or by words.

Ginger what a great comparison. You are right, it is so easy to just throw your hands up and quit, to only regret it later in life. We are all much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

Never Stop Pushing...Our kids need it more than we know!

Sometimes it takes that extra push like you mentioned. I quit skiing and took up snow boarding. I'm having much more fun now.

You are such a great mom! What a great inspiring and timely story! :)

My eight year old went skiing for the first time this week as well... she started on the magic carpet and at the end of the day was going down the good sized mt... it is amazing what they can do in a day... you are right it is inspiring to leave our comfort zone...

Loved your story. It takes work being a mom, but is more important than any job you could ever have! Good work on the patience and reflection (and modeling you do!) She's a lucky kid to have you as a MOM!!

Ginger - I feel you about knowing when to push and when to lay back; when to force and when to give in. It is such a fine line we walk - with children and clients. Trying to convince my clients to do things outside of the "norm" that they've always done them is often almost as taxing a chore as convincing a 6 year old why it is a good idea for them to participate in xyz. But getting to the other side is oh-so rewarding!

~Renae

Ginger~What a great reminder of perseverance and what results from pushing til the end. She will be forever grateful to you that gave her that extra push she needed to get back up.

Great post. I know that in my life that I would rather say that I have done something than later regretting that I never went for it.

Nice story some kids just need a little encouragement and very smart on your part they will sometimes listen to non parents more that they will you. I hope to see her at the winter games in 10 years.

STEVEN- Thanks. My glass is almost always 1/2 full!

LU- Thanks. It has been a good month- I had eight straight days on vacation with my kids!

MARTHA- When we look at things through tainted eyes, it can be hard to find alternate methods. Once we get beyond that, it is much easier to find new and creative solutions to solve our woes.

DAVID- Good saying. You do have to WANT to succeed.

LESLIE- You are soo right, it does feel great when success comes. Both my daughter and I are giddy at her successes!

LINDA- I definitely don't want to be over bearing, but I am really, really glad I pushed. Sometimes we need someone to push us!

CHRIS- I think it is important to teach our kids that giving up isn't an option. We also need to teach them that they can't be good at everything out of the starting gate- most things require practice and persistence!

LENN- We can learn so much from what we teach our children. If we gave up everytime it is hard, we definitely wouldn't accomplish much.

KATERINA- You totally understand. I don't want my children to have regrets. I was pretty driven as a child, yet I regret some areas where my parents didn't push me. It is a tough line between overbearing and pushing!

SHARON- I hope you can still find the time. With the weather the last few days, it is hard to imagine the ski season will go too late this year.

SARDI- ;o )

MIKE- yes, I can imagine it is difficult for a ski nut stuck in Hawaii. Of course, you can water ski, windsurf, etc. I personally would rather be in Hawaii any day of the week than Tahoe. I love the sun and sand!

LISA- I am guessing have those wishes. I was super ambitious as youngster (hmm, still am!), yet I still wish I was pushed more in certain areas.

SUZANNE- I think so too. Push on and persevere.

WILLIAM- good point. It doesn't matter how old we are- we still have to keep on learning. I still have SO much I want to do!

TERRI- I admire the courage of any single mom. Parenting is tough- that takes courage and commitment.

RANDY- it is a tight rope, but this particular experience has taught me something very important as a parent.

How 'bout that? There's a reason they call it a comfort zone. Often it takes a complete paradigm shift to see ourselves performing outside of that comfortable setting.

AUDREY- No regrets. That is my motto!

JOE- I wish people would push me more. :o )

SHANNON- Thank you!!! Always such a sweetheart!

KIM- Congratulations!! What a great pic. It is amazing how quickly kids pick things up. That is a great reason to push them to do more things!

JOEANN- it is not easy being a parent, especially when you are not blessed with patience. That ingredient was left out of me!

RENAE- I think clients are easier than kids. Perhaps that is why parents make good real estate agents. I know I am much more sympathetic and patient now that I do have children!

JULIE- I think she is THRILLED that I pushed her. She keeps asking me when we are going back! Yeah! I did something right!

My only peeve about the skiing is the cold air, the snow, the wet gloves and the wind burn. I will endure it all, however, in stoic fashion so long as I get that Irish Coffee at the bar afterwards. Congrats on a great vacation.

Ginger - We had a near similar experience earlier this winter with our daughter and had to change it up a bit as well. We wound up going with a private lesson also, the price was a bit hefty (no expert skiers in our group), but what she learned and the confidence she gained was so worth it as she too was ready to give up. She is now counting the days to go again.

Ginger, wow that must have been a tremendous getaway. Your daughter overcame her frustration and with a little tweak in the way she learned to ski she was on her way. We all need to tweak things now and then and move forward. Thank you for the great post

Hi Ginger,

I'm so glad you made it to Tahoe - it's my second home and I LOVE it! When I go skiing I always liken it to being a 6-year old again in the playground - it's like running from the sandbox to the climbing frame to the swings - you can go wherever you like with no-one telling you what to do or where to go! Pure bliss and I feel like your 6-year old whenever I am on the slopes - congratualtions to her for a lifetime of playgrounds ahead whenever she puts on her skis or migrates to her snowboard!

Glad your daughter made it. I know how you felt, what do you do push or not. i guess it depends on how you go about it.

But failing is not easy. Quitting is.

Ginger

It would seem that this post hits home.

Youare r right; success takes work. My success is a 13 year named Spencer.

Sincerely

Tom braatz

Great post with a good message. Thanks for sharing!

Just keep plugging away...success is there for those that work at it! Great post Ginger :)

Ginger, this is such an excellent post, I have been waiting. Wow, sounds like my first few trips. Ski Instructers.

Opps Coaches are soooooooooooooooooooooo important to get us to the next level. Congratulations to your daughter. We all have to work through our fears, throughout our life time and she accomplished it at age 6.

Ginger,

Awesome post! another lesson I got was: when you need help, get an expert (true for ski instructors and FSBOs!!) I'm glad you had such a great time!

Ginger:

It is not the number of times that you get knocked down that count, it is the numbers of times that you get up that matter. The other day a good friend of mine who is in real estate said that she wanted to quit. She was tired of the many disappointments in unmotivated seller's such as lenders that handle short sales that would not take a work out plan. Buyers that would not present a descent offer, the list goes on. I did not know what to say, she was so unhappy.

For her the fact that she has tried and tried and could not achieved success is haunting, So, I would say she is not a failure ---- there is a time when we all must know when it in our best interest to let go and move on.

Ginger- First I hope you are enjoying your vacation.....sounds like quite a time with 5 families all together :0 Yes, children, and some adults, want to take the easy way out, and as you said later regret that they didn't do whatever it was at the time. Good for you for not being one of those mothers that give in.......now that would have been the easy thing to do (at least for that day).

Ginger, You are a wise MOM. The fresh approach you took for your daughters benefit is possibly one of those life changing moments. My parents wanted to send me to summer camp when I was very young.. I refused to go because I did not want to leave my neighborhood friends.. I wish I had gone.... A fresh approach might have been for them to pay to send my best friend with me.. they could afford it, her family could not... That was something that they never even thought of....nor did I at the time, but I have thought of it over the years..

Ginger

Norman Vincent Peale said " It's always too early to quit" and I agree

Fun story Ginger. Glad you had a good time and it all worked out. the heavenly ski school is very good, but am not sure you were there. The weather was something, huh?

cheers

What a great story with a useful moral Ginger. Thanks for sharing.

You suck.....that's my jealous side showing. You actually rock...that's my "I'm proud to be your friend side" showing. Great post.....this is so you. Actually, it's what winners do in life. Great parenting too. That positive attitude must have come from all those positive sorority cheers. On another note, if I can brag, I'm an awesome skier. My wife has never skied before. Next year, I'm hiring some 24 year old blond haired, blue eyed young buck to give her private ski lessons. I want her to look up at some dreamy blue eyes for a day or two. I think that will soften the hurt while she learns to ski. I, too, have my kids skiing, but now I have to get my wife out there. Maybe the young buck will get her to become an avid skier.....

GREAT POST GING!!!!!

Failing Forward is a great book. It shows that failures are great, because they teach us life's invaluable lessons and spur us on to be greater beings. Great post. Thanks.

Ginger - thanks for sharing your success story, both yours and your daughter's. Our youngest came away from our ski trip a success story, too, after the same digging in process in the middle, so I can relate to your mental struggle with when to push and when to let up. Great cross-reference to the work ethic.

Beautiful story with a great punchline....failure...giving up is toooo easy. Success takes time, effort and hard work...but payoffs big.....glad your little one is learning :)

MAR

2008

BRONSON- I would rather try and fail, than not try at all!

TERRY- Kids always listen to someone else more than yucky old mom!

STEVE- But that comfort zone is just so....comfortable!!

ANDREW- LOL! I agree, an irish coffee makes everything much more bearable! So does the promise of hot tub!

STEVE- The price tag of private lessons is well worth it when you see the results. I am glad you saw success too!

KATHARINE- We had a blast, but the absolute best part was when my daughter asked me to go skiing again. Truly priceless to see her confidence in herself!

JANE- What an absolutely wonderful comment. You are lucky to make Tahoe your second home, and even luckier to have found a hobby you enjoy so much! May you feel like you are 6 forever! Cheers and wishes for lots of snow!

MARIA- I knew if I pushed and she left to go ski while still crying or kicking and screaming, she would still hate it- possibly forever. When we push, we have to do it the right way.

TOM B- Well, THAT is a big success.

CHRISTINA- you are welcome!

MONIKA- I don't understand why people think you are going to be successful just because. Very few people have success fall in their lap.

Was the choice really between playing princesses or skiing? Maybe the little girl would have preferred reading a book. Why was the child learning to ski during a high-pressure weekend instead of during a layed-back family trip? Why was it so important for her to learn to ski during that particular weekend? Was it so Mom could look good? Sounds like the kid was bullied to me. If I were Mom, I would try to find out what inspires the little girl....books? animals? science? some other sport? just plain living?

MISSY- Glad you enjoyed it. Much better than mr. shoulderpads at the car rental place. :o ) I have a feeling this scene will be replayed many, many times in the next 12 years!

LAURIE- So true, nothing beats the talent and expertise of a true expert- be it a ski instructor or a qualified real estate professional!

LORRAINE & LORETTA- I ABSOLUTELY agree. Failure means you didn't try. If you tried, I don't consider that failure. Sometimes you have to know when to move on and find success in a different way. We can't be superstars at everything- we have to find our niche.

KATHY- I was literally tortured by what was the right thing to do. As I said above- if I pushed incorrectly, it would have killed it forever. I had to gently find a way to make her interested in going. I don't want her to regret things later, not do I want her to feel like I pushed too hard. Life is always a balancing act.

GINGER- I am sorry you didn't get that experience to go to camp. Our ski trip was truly a life changing moment for her and I. I will always remember the lessons learned from that trip and the successes achieved. You don't know if you can do something until you try, and keep trying. You aren't going to love everything you do, until you really get the hang of it. Press on and keep on trying.

SALLY Z- Excellent motto!

GARY- we were at Northstar. The weather was FABULOUS!

WAYNE- glad you found it helpful

LARRY- I think the young buck will do the trick. She may leave you at home with the kids for all future ski trips.

KARL- I haven't read the book. I will check it out! Thanks for the tip.

KAREN- It is such a struggle when to push, but again, I didn't want her to regret it.

SALLY- I am really happy for her. She struggles trying new things, but her confidence soared after her experience on the this trip!

ALICE- I didn't bully her out of the house. She was excited to leave to go ski after we developed a new plan with new teachers she trusted. I identified her fear and her dislikes with ski school. She definitely was not bullied. This particular weekend was important because it was the only time we had skiing this year. If she didn't go and enjoy it, I knew it would be virtually impossible to get her to try next year. I know this because I know and understand my daughter very, very well.

I also know what inspires my daughter. She absolutely loves to read- which is why I read countless books to her- and she reads them to me too. We spent lots of time reading on this trip, playing, throwing snowballs, etc.

Life is about being well rounded and learning lots of things. One is not born knowing how to do everything- it takes practice to learn almost any skill in life. She was able to learn from this trip how to practice, and guess what- she found out she is REALLY good at sking and she loves it. There is a balance between pushing too hard and helping a small child who is scared to get beyond their fears.

Ginger: My boy Ethan was interested in BMX. We bought the minimal amount of equipment, just in case he didn't like it, then took him on the track. He cried for a long time.

I don't want to be 'one of those moms' either...I'd have to get a much closer shave.

But, you know, I do push. They don't have to do it forever, but they have to give it a shot. I patiently nudged him, then we said a prayer.

Here he is, five years old, and he says the sweetest thing after we pray. He says "So do I wait until God makes me brave?" And I tell him, "Sometimes God waits to make us brave until we do it. Let's go do it."

He did. And he loved it.

Our job is to create good people. And good people try new things and face new challenges. You're a good mom.

Ginger, never second doubt your parenting skills.

JOEY- cute pics! Thanks. Yes, if we never tried anything, we would never achieve anything.

CHRIS- I have no reason to- I know how much I love my kids and they do to!

You're a frickin stud. What a super post. I have a poem that my mom gave me that I'll recopy and put on this post. She made me memorize it when I was in grade school. Much parallel to this topic. Finally, I have to say that I just got back from skiing with my 9, 7, and 5 year old. I'm a freak....I MEAN FREAK when it comes to skiing. I love it. I'm going to hire some young swiss blonde haired, blue eyed ski stud to teach my wife next year. That will alleviate some of the pain when she falls down. But this will be a nice way to get her on the slopes. Let's connect next week bud. I'll get you that poem too.

Ginger your last few sentances are so on the money. It is always easier to give up. Saying the right htings with a positive approach makes a big difference.

Glad your trip went well and failure is so much easier than success. Thank goodness for you, you had great support around you.

Ginger, what a wise mom you are! I have a book of Asian child-rearing advice. One of the pages has, "If you push your child too hard, your child will fall down>" Clearly you have found the perfect push level!

Ginger - I enjoyed this post about persistence. I am happy to hear that your daughter took on this big challenge and came away with a success under her belt. I am going to include this post in the Family Ties recap today.

Ginger I love positive posts. It's too easy to quit and too hard to do what winners do--putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what

great post, glad to hear she can ski and loves it. I used to love it, till other sports took me away from it

Great inspirational Story!!!

I remember someone saying at a conference, "A lot of agents aim at failure and they hit the target every time."

That is a cute story. I am glad she learned. I am the one who now says I wish I would have learned.

Great story, and great parralel to life. You have done well for your daughter mom. Congratulations, this is the fun stuff.

what a great story ! Thanks for sharing it ! As a mom I can totally understand !

Great story, I live an hour away from one of North Americas best skiing and have NEVER been on skis. I am also a few hours away from Whistler BC, another top notch ski resort, I've been there a few times and played around, but I dign't ski there either. Your child will thank you when she is older, I am 40 and wish I had started looooooong ago!

It is true. It's easy to quit and go home then to stay and fight. Congratulations to your little princess. I have never gone skiing myself. But I would like to try. I think I might look more like a giant snowball though!

My three year old has been taking ice skating lessons for two months. He is loving it. It is all his doing. He asked to skate, and he has to behave to keep skating. And, I am thrilled that he wants to do it... and he wants to be a goalie...

Sounds as though you did a great job of finding a way to make a scary situation fun for her and as a result she now has a new skill.

MAR

2008

What a great story Ginger, looks like you had a great time, and we all benefited from your time there..... helping us understand and remember that failure is an option, but never one that should be selected! Thanks!!

Hope to see you again soon... :-)

Good article, we need to be reminded at times. Thanks.

Hal

Excellent post and you can see that others think so too judging from the amount of coments you have already received.

I had to laugh... we did the same thing, the SAME weekend! Only my crying girl was 9, and complained and whined the entire first day. It was so unbearable, my husband, son and I all took turns with her on the bunny hill so we could all get a little peach and quiet. We seriously considered skipping day 2, but decided she wasn't going to ruin it for the rest of us. I changed my tactics bribes a bit, and spent the first few hours with her. By the time they returned, she could go up and down by herself, and was ready to tackle the chair lift! I was SO glad we persevered, and didn't let her quit- their outlooks will now be much different!

MAR

2008

Ginger, what a great post and a great message. It is all too easy to fail and much more difficult to succeed but we must always push ourselves, those we love, and our clients towards success.

LARRY- Can you hire one for me too?

BILL- It is so hard to say the right things as a parent.

JAY- I am lucky I had the BEST support around. They deserve all the credit.

PATRICIA- so hard to figure out when is too hard.

JASON- Thanks for including me in the recap. Persistence is really, really important no matter how old we are.

JOHN- I love positive posts. My glass is usually 1/2 full!

DAVE- I am happy she took to it eventually, but even happier she overcame her fear!

CELESTE- Thanks

JOHN-Sounds like Brian Buffini

JEFF K- it is definitely easier to learn as a child

TERRYLYNN- she has done well for herself! :o )

MELISSA- As a mom, new day= new challenge

PATRICK- exactly my point, no regrets! You know, it is never too late to learn!

CHRISTY- Next year I might have to get her a tiara to wear with her skis. :o)

LANE- that is SOO cute. I took my two year old ice skating for the first time about a month ago. He didn't really stand on his own, but he still loved it- he is willing to try anything!

BOB & CAROLIN- I can't really take the credit. Brian and Sarah were the superheroes.

BRAD- Can't wait to see you again too! I had such a great time, but it was far too short. Yes- failure is an option, but it doesn't have to be the choice.

HAROLD- Thanks for reading.

DIANE- You never know what will hit people, I guess we all need some inspiration right now!

SANDI- Good for you!! So glad it worked out for you. Very funny we were doing the same thing. Next time we will have to meet up!

BRIAN- I have a feeling you have always pushed yourself! Finding the right balance with others isn't as easy.

MAR

2008

Let's try and get together sometime soon, maybe before or at the next Real Estate Connect! :-)

MAR

2008

If there is a WILL there is a WAY. Thanks for the good post. Kudos Ginger

Only Mom's know best, you stuck with your intuition and what you needed appeared. you are right a 6 yr.old is much harder to deall with than a client anyday. I can always handle them but kids are not my specialty. My mom said kIds are like pancakes, you should throw the first 2 out, my 2 daughters were horrified when I told them that being the first 2, I am the oldest also,,, but it is funny and so true..

MAY

2008

Ginger, isn't it great when you just don't make a knee jerk reaction to something like this but instead you inquired got some profesional help. Bottom line you had a plan and then implemented it. Works just the same in our business as well.

AUG

Ginger - Stephen Wolfe told me that I should read your blog as I am somewhat new to Active rain. I love the topic since success truly is really about those who have failed the most and gotten back up.

AUG

Hi, Ginger:
I have a 6 year old girl and a 2 year old boy, too, so the sentiment in your post about pushing too hard vs not pushing hard enough really hit home with me. I think it's especially hard with my 6 year old because she's my first. When my son reaches a new milestone, I've already been there with my daughter, so the right thing to do somehow is easier to see.

This summer was the first for me when both my kids weren't in the same daycare program. I have to say that I spent a lot more time driving around and had less time to focus on my business. I'm looking forward to school starting next week!

Ginger,

REALLY cool story. While my peers are playing golf I am out on a ropes course where I am a facilitator from time to time. Yesterday I had a ministry leadership group out. They're college age and this was their first week in their program. The finish up their first week with a ropes course. We have an event called the "Leap of Faith" where the participants climb metal staples in the side of a 25' utility pole. At the top they have to stand up on the pole and jump out to catch a trapeze about 10' away. There were a couple who were absolutely sobbing at the top of the pole but they all made the jump and all grew tremendously. I have to congratulate you as a mom. You gave your daughter something she can use for the rest of her life. (And I'm not talking about skiing!)

Ginger.. This is a wonderful post. I can tell you are a caring mom. You did a good job, and wouldn't it be nice if in, say 10 years, your daughter comes to you one day, remembering this vacation, and says "Thank you mom for teaching me how to ski". "I'm glad you didn't let me quit".

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