Sage advice from my Coach

I am a ardent supporter of having a business coach.  I feel my coach, Victoria, is one of the best in the business.  With her permission, I am posting one of her posts to me because I feel that it is terrific advice, especially in these uncertain times.

We've all heard the saying, "The truth hurts." Generally, these words have been relayed to us in a harsh and sobering tone with the accusatory question, "Doesn't it?" added on as a bit of salt in the wound. Most of us are also familiar with the inspiring words of Jesus Christ when he said, "The truth shall set you free." These sayings paint two very different pictures in how we view Truth and why so many of us seem to be locked in internal combat when it comes to finding it, accepting it, and finally, acting upon it.

I believe that the truth only ever hurts when it's being smothered, stepped on, choked down, squeezed, ignored, rejected and betrayed. Truth, in and of itself, is inert unless acted upon. There's only two ways to act upon a thing: You can act positively or negatively. It is a personal choice as to which it will be at any given moment.

To illustrate the above point, let's take the example of the "toxic" employee. Jane has worked for you for 10 years, and she knows your products, processes, and systems inside and out. Jane is on a first name basis with all of your customers, business partners and vendors. Jane never misses work and is always on time. Jane also has a habit of undermining your authority. She frequently shares information with your vendors and business partners that you prefer her not to share. Jane's moods are driven by her personal life, the weather, and the very rotation of the sun and moon. Jane hates change and every time you attempt to streamline your business or upgrade your systems, she bitterly complains to your other employees and stalls progress by extolling ALL of the reasons why YOUR way can never work. You've talked to Jane about your concerns many times and she always apologizes and always has a reason as to why she is doing or not doing whatever it is. Does Jane sound familiar? How long did it take before you finally had to let Jane go? Or....is she still working for you?

We know in the above example that the Manager is acting upon the truth in a negative manner. The Manager is stuffing down, ignoring, and giving excuses for the truth. Why? Doesn't she want to be set free, be open to new possibilities, and make a fresh start? The likely answer to all three is "Yes!" But the real truth is yet to be acknowledged and enacted in a positive manner. She may be afraid of confrontation, or has a fear of being disliked, or holds a belief that she isn't good enough. She is hurting every day because she is actively beating up the truth. And isn't the real truth that we each should respect our own needs enough to align ourselves with good people who are ethical, knowledgeable, respectful and kind? In this example, by keeping this "toxic" employee on our team, we are mutilating our core truth....that we actually have everything we need in order to make a change and live our lives exactly as we imagine it at its best.

So why do we seem to put all of our energies behind choking down the truth instead of simply embracing it and then acting on it in a positive manner? Why do we linger in the pain, anxiety, fear and negative internal chatter when it's clear that our rational mind knows exactly what to do and has been telling us all along? If you're like most people, you're probably in the habit of waiting until your body begins to display signs like high blood pressure, headaches, acne breakouts, aching muscles, increased or decreased appetite, insomnia or narcolepsy, before you even consider giving your internal battle a wave of the white flag.

Rick Carson, author of Taming Your Gremlin describes this internal battle as "grappling with your Gremlin." The Gremlin, he says, "...is the narrator in your head. He has influenced you since you came into this world, and accompanies you throughout your existence. He tells you who and how you are, and he defines and interprets your every experience. He wants you to accept his interpretations as reality, and his goal, from moment-to-moment, day-to-day, is to squelch the natural, vibrant you within. He uses some of your past experiences to hypnotize you into forming and living your life in accordance with self-limiting and sometimes frightening generalizations about you."

So what can you do when the truth is gnawing at you and your Gremlin is actively jumping up and down on it? The answer is... simply notice it . In the moment when you know you should be taking positive action and your Gremlin is giving you all of the reasons why you should not fire your toxic employee, or confront a family member who has hurt your feelings, or give bad news to a valuable customer, simply notice that your Gremlin is grumbling in the background of your mind, then immediately look for the door that needs to be opened in order to move past your Gremlin and into an open space of possibilities. Don't get ensnarled or try to rationalize why your Gremlin is saying the things that it is, just recognize that it is. Then decide to consider some action-oriented options.

One option would be to examine where in your life, right now, that you are hurting. Are you ignoring the fact that you have a friend who is treating you disrespectfully? Are you rejecting ways that could help you to grow your business or accelerate your career? Do you possess a talent that you are currently smothering? Are you stepping on the people who could help you get to the next level in your business or personal life?

Take a piece of paper and draw three columns. In the first column, write down three things that you are hurting over in your business or personal life. In the second column, write down what the core truth is about each situation. In the final column, write down one thing that you could do to positively impact each truth. Give yourself some quiet time to search around in your core for these truths. When you experience the revisiting flicker of a thought that you attempt to push out, but that strikes you with a feeling of guilt, disappointment, shame or anxiety....STOP, and write it down...these are indicators that this is one of those truths that you have been ignoring.

Remember, the truth hurts only when you're letting it, so ensure your success by sharing this exercise with a trusted advisor, friend, or Coach. Ask to be held accountable to take the three action steps you have outlined for yourself. And, oh, simply notice what your Gremlin just whispered and get out your notebook and pen anyway!