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How To Bathe the Cat!

From an email from my best friend.

Subject: How to bathe the cat.

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids up.

3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot get out.)

5. CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for you.

6. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

7. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a "power-wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite affective.

8. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

9. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

10. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely, The Dog.

p.s.- For the royal spa treatment, drop in a couple of tablets of Alka-Seltzer, ooh sooo relaxing!

(Author Unknown)

Posted by Michael Jordan on 02/05/2007 01:48 PM

Comments (53)

how, bathe, cat, dog

Post is included in group: Tarbell, Realtors Group

53 Comments on How To Bathe the Cat!

FEB

2007

Poor kitty kitty! Are you sure your just the dog and not my Heidi Girl trying to pick on Harley your cat brother? Cute humor! Except maybe not for the cat.

Thanks for stopping by Cynthia, you have a cute Schnauzer, we have owned several over the years ourselves, and love their personalities.

May I copy this and send it to a couple of my friends? They just love cats and would get a kick out of this joke. Thanks for the laugh.

Go right ahead Jason, I got it from my wife who got it from her friend.

I am still laughing so hard it is diffiuclt to type. I LOVE cats, but in my minds eye I can see this happening. So very funny. Thanks for the laugh I really needed that today.

I love cats too, they taste like chicken! JK, I like dogs and cats, and I too was laughing pretty hard, I could just imagine the dogs face if this were to really happen.

FEB

2007

Maybe I'm the only one confused by this?!?!

I thought that really WAS the way to clean a cat!

OOPS.......

BTW, does it help if you have that blue dye in the toilet?

Marc, I hope P.E.T.A. doesn't know where to find you.

FEB

2007

MARC!!! Poor kitty. Mean boys!!! lol

It was the dog's idea, honest!

PURRRRRFECT!!

Hi Brian, cute story about your Daughter.

FEB

2007

Too funny. This added a much needed chuckle to my day. Thanks.

Glad you liked it Susan, and no cats were harmed in the making of this joke.

FEB

2007

Hysterical. Thanks. I'm forwarding it to my hubby.

Your welcome Elana, hope he likes it too. Cute boys you got there.

FEB

2007

Love it...

Great Joke. I love dogs. They are easy to bathe

FEB

2007

Thanks for the look Meg, I use to live in Grand Prairie, my folks still do.

Hi Ben, I'm more a dog person too. And I have been to Bend, Or. before, I use to live in Beaverton, Or. I spent a cold and snowy night in Bend back in the winter of 92-93.

FEB

2007

Ahhh...

Comedy...ROAR!

You just gave me something that I have been searching for. What might that be you ask?

A good long laugh :)

TLW...ROAR!

ROAR, hmmmm sounds like someone needs a bath, here kitty kitty!

FEB

2007

Woof...Woof :)

I find this particularly funny as our cat becomes a demon cat when it is time for grooming. Thankfully the groomer gives her a little "kitty cocktail".

TLW, that was a fast change.

Jacqueline, thanks for the tale(tail?), my Mother was a groomer and she had these really thick gloves that went up to her elbow so she wouldn't get scratched or bitten. I lived in Parsons, KS back in the summer of 1976, loved to watch the storms roll in out of the north. Plus this was the first time I saw lightning bugs, they were cool.

Must keep you on your toes :) Woof .... Woof ... ROAR!

That you do! ;{)

cali Michael---your comment about your mom...LOL...the last time I went to pickup Cali, our cat, the groomer walked out with a rather terrified look on her face and asked me, "would you like to put your cat in her traveling cage?" Perplexed, I walked into the staging area to find my expando-head-cat....I Am Not Joking!! This little cat's head expanded to double the size of her body when she hissed. Turning to the young groomer I said. "No, no, I do not want to transfer her to her traveling cage". The groomer..."Well, we will have to get the eagle gloves!" The What?! No sh#@ Sherlock...she went for the gloves which covered half her arms. After a bit of wrestling, with a 15lb cat (Cali in picture per shaving/grooming...lotsa hair removal), the cat was in the cage and the gloves were off.

Storms in Kansas--can be a cool sight with terrifying results.

FEB

2007

That is so cruel and so funny at the same time! I can just imagine my sweet cat having a heart attack...and not to metion the scratches from trying to put him in the toilet to beging with.

thanks for the laugh!

Ines

Eagle gloves, I like that, and that is a BIG cat, gives Garfield a run for the money and the look on her face in the picture, priceless.

Rick & Ines: I know where you can get some eagle gloves if you need them.

And it saves wear and tear on the washing machine :-) Nice laughs Michael!

FEB

2007

Awe...

But that is funny! Thanks for the laugh!

Hi Michael- Sorry to hear you were in Bend during the 92-93 winter....THAT was a bad one. Funny joke...but I'm not partial, cats or dogs....I'm willing to try bathing them in the toilet : ) Just make sure the camera's rolling.

FEB

2007

I love dogs!!!! That was funny and it might actually work. I need a cat in need of a bath... any takers??? LOL!!

Glad you enjoyed it Carole.

Hi Ann, are you a cat person?

Kelli, I will watch to see you on America's Funniest Home Videos.

Shane, I know this big cat that is always Roaring to get a bath!

FEB

2007

Michael....my dog posed a very good question...... what happens when you have 3 cats? Can you use the washing machine on the "gentle" setting? BTW, don't blame me, he's a very inquisitive Rottwieler.

FEB

2007

Lee you can try to throw 3 cats in the washing machine at once if you want to, please set up a video camera first so we can all see the results.lol.

Michael... will have the dog set the webcam up sometime in the near future :-) NOT! LOLOLOL

Lee, we can set up a donation hot-line to help pay for your medical expenses in case you change your mind.

Michael..... how about a tele-thon ?????? For a worthy cause like paying off my mortgage, and a nice holiday in Mexico....and did I mention that new 5th wheel trailer and skiboat I am looking at????? Rocky (my dog) sends his regards :-)

MAR

2007

LOL, that was great! I am going to have to send it to my daughters and they love their cats dearly, but they'll love this.

MAR

2007

Too funny!!! I truly enjoyed this one!!

MAR

2007

Bad! Bad! Dog!

MAR

2007

Good one!

MAR

2007

This is totally something you could imagine in a comic like the Far Side. I had a good visual of the Far side Dog, doing this to the Far Side cat. This is great especially because the dog signed it "sincerely" his heart and paw were in to it!! Thanks Michael

Good Day!! have a cup of java and a smile on me :)

MAR

2007

That was hilarious! My husband cried as I read it to him. Too funny!

MAR

2007

#7 is a little rough on the cat..but then again its a dog's world

Great story, but cat lovers might get mad! I like it!

APR

2007

LOL! too funny. I'm a dog lover.

APR

2007

My wife now hates me! LOL - Here Kitty Kitty Kitty!

That was funny! My dog would run the cat into the toilet.

Absolutely hilarious!

APR

2007

For some reason my daughter doesn't like the idea? Said something about being mean to the kitty.

Very true and better stay back when close to the water

APR

2007

I laughed so hard my sides hurt. My daughter and I both had tears and the cats are looking nervous.

APR

2007

Michael

Love the cat jokes, I know a couple who a stupid enough to hold the cats paws and then hold it under the sink. I asked them how many times they have been clawed and they said only a few. But they keep doing it anyway.

APR

2007

I am glad everyone (except cat lovers) has had a good laugh.

Todd- I hope your back in better terms with your wife, I lived in Beaverton back in 93-95, loved it.

Ashley- Drop a couple of seltzer tablets in the water too, it will help Christopher and Salem have a relaxing bath.

Gary- Send you friends this note too help them save their arms.

JUL

2008

Michael,

I am a professional pet groomer on the weekends at pet warehouse in

Joplin, Mo. . I happened to run across this when I was looking for tips

on cat bathing. This is soooo funny. I can't wait to show this to the other

pet groomer that works during the week!!! I just know she is going to fall

over laughing.

Thanks for the laugh!!

Patti

AUG

2008

I had to give my cat a bathe two days ago and I had never heard such howling in my life, so I found your post, looking for helpful information for next time. Instead, I read #1 and had an acute spontaneous nasal reflex (ASNR, meaning liquid through the nose). Now I have root bear all over my desk, monitor, and keyboard. When you get a bill for a new keyboard, or the sticky one in the mail, you'll know from whom it came. LOL

Thanks for the great end-of-week humor.

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