BLOGITALY:  March 8, 2008 
See Photos at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/24530942@N05/sets/

What Time is it?  Oh Wow, it's NOW Again!  Learning to Immerse and Appreciate this Moment.

I just returned from 10 days of "Italian Intake" both literally and figuratively.  Ten days of adventure in the Tuscan countryside: hilltop towns, "secret" restaurant hide-aways, 600 step monument treks, wine and balsamic vinegar tasting and snow!  These are some of my thoughts about 10 days of mental vacation: virtually no contact with or thoughts of work or to-do's. I was amazed upon return of the fabulous job my subconscious mind did while my conscious mind was busy eating, drinking and trekking through Tuscany, Umbria and Chianti.  I had a little extra time to think about how I feel about my thinking!  

The only time I get in trouble is when I start to believe my own thoughts.  The source of all of our stress begins
with a thought - an unquestioned thought, that we choose to believe. ~ Byron Katie.

How true has that been in my life!  How many exaggerated, stressful "what if's" have I stewed in that never even came close to causing the havoc that I imagined?  The more I coach, consult, study and reflect on what IS, the more I realize that the philosophers old and new who say we create our own reality - the drama and the pain, or
the abundance and the freedom, are 100% right.  Like attracts like, we are what we think, we get what we FEEL about what we THINK.  It's all so simple, yet such a challenge to live it.  Getting out and away from our "head" on a regular basis is the first step in the life long process of the care and feeding of the mind, and the taming of the ego: that part of us that needs and wants to control, organize and compartmentalize everything and everyone according to our mental  image of things, in order to feel safe, secure and valued.  "The most important primordial relationship in your life is your relationship with the NOW, or rather with what ever form the now takes.  If (that) relationship is dysfunctional, that dysfunction will be reflected in every situation you encounter."
~ Eckhart Tolle. 

The "bad" news: Successful people scare the pants off themselves daily.  Getting used to that feeling of "this is a risk, I'm scared, but I am IN with both feet" is a key to freedom that many will never face, let alone conquer.  Yet, with just one toe in the icy waters of discomfort, amazing positive things can and do happen. The question is, how willing are we to be uncomfortable, unsure yet willing to take that leap and act anyway?  Faith in action I call it.
The Good news: Anyone can do it.

Our daughter Brenna was married in Maui in December in a blissful, soulful ceremony with 27 people.  The newlyweds had a wedding vision and manifested it, in 6 months, against substantial odds: financial odds, timeline odds, and friends and family "input" odds.  If you've never planned a wedding, it is an exercise in life lessons, crammed into a short time.  The big lesson for me was that wedding planning should be months, not years long.  There is no end to the trivia, "stuff", and stress you can bring upon yourself in pursuit of impossible perfection, if you are not fully focused on the meaning of the DAY. THEIR day. It is after all their day, their life's beginning, not the end of some gruelling stressful "project.  But I digress.  

We had a reception in California (for 150) the following week.  Whew! it was fabulous on a different level than the little church wedding for 27, where the groom sang Ave Maria (he killed me!), pink and yellow flower petals and bubbles were showered over the newly married couple, a bag piper lead us in procession to the reception up the hill, (singing "Marching to Brenna's Wedding", an Irish wedding march) to the candle-lit sunset reception, with a harpist softly playing, and traditional Hawaiian wedding food without end.  (See the "Photos Link" above after you read the blog:).  Sunset photos of your newly married children are the gift of a lifetime!

One week after the Brenna and her new husband Michael - actor, voice-over artist, and chef in training - moved to Italy to study Italian, look for adventure, work, and begin their life.  That was 2 months ago.  When we saw them last week in Rome they had 6 weeks of Italian immersion under their belts, and job offers at one of the "Relais Chateau" (aka best) hotels in Tuscany: Borgo Scopeto.  Are they excited?  Yes.  Scared to DEATH? Absolutely!  Granted, they had an introduction to the employer via my husband. But they had to get there, (save 6 months expenses, and pay off college loans), get work visas, learn the language(!) and pass the interviews, (and have the education and talent required) all of which they did or are doing.  Oh, and plan a Maui wedding and California reception in between.  As a mother, it is hard to explain the joy I feel in watching my youngest child absorb everything she can in life, go after her goals (she has written goals!) and make it start to happen at the tender age of 25, with the help of her new husband and partner, the son I have always wanted,  Life is good.   

I share this personal joy not to boast, but to illustrate that we can share a lifetime of our wins and challenges with others who want what we have, who will take our experience and build upon it. And it's never too late to share or to start a new adventure that matches our own life purpose- once we define or re-define what that is. 

If you are young, how fortunate you are to have these tools of the mind available you you now. For those of  us in our "middle-earlies" it is a supreme challenge to undo and re-train our flawed thinking habits, get past our childhood bumps and bruises, (some much worse than others), and open our cluttered minds to abundance!   Oprah has almost single handedly created a firestorm of new devotees to the power of purpose- myself included  (coaches have to read constantly- a great gig for me!).  Her latest book recommendation, "A New Earth, Awakening to Your Life's Purpose", by Eckhart Tolle, comes complete with a virtual book club so huge that it shut down the Internet site in cities across the globe. It is sure to add more peaceful, positive souls to the equation as we all try to internalize, understand and implement the most powerful and under-used tool in our arsenal: Our own body: Brain, Heart, Soul and Stomach.  Seems the urban myth of the "gut feeling" is no myth.  "The Big Brain is connected to the "belly brain."  Intuition is yours for the taking but you have to get quiet and go inside for awhile to find and develop it - something many of us are loathe to do.  When is the last time you spent a quiet day- sans email, phones, input- with YOU?  How about a quiet hour?  Five minutes? 

I know people who would rather read the fine print in a technical manual, play games on their cell phone or stare endlessly at their email waiting for the next one to arrive, than spend 5 minutes alone trying NOT to think.  I used to be that way- there was no bigger threat or challenge for me than to be stuck "alone" with myself.  Now I relish every quiet moment I can find- I regularly experience my own brilliance when I quiet down long enough to notice it! I know that solitude and inactivity seems like such a waste of time to most of us, but scientists from the old and the new, from the Tibetan monks to Andrew Seligman and the "Positive Psychology movement" beg to differ.  It seems we often confuse "busy" for productive and fulfilled.  And now they work together!  Psychologists and the monks that is... who better to do mental peace and brain power studies on than the most tranquil human beings on the planet- the monks who meditate and pray themselves into daily nirvana. For the rest of us clarity can be achieved in minutes a day. 

Meditation: it's NOT what you think, says Andrew Goleman, author of the best selling, " Emotional Intelligence"  He reports that in his workshops for Fortune 500 CEO's, fearless, successful men and women who can do virtually everything, are absolutely confounded by the challenge of sitting quietly alone for even 5 minutes!  Some (guys) even well up in tears at the thought of a one hour meeting with no agenda!  All that open space scares the daylights out of them he says.  Try to sit and think nothing for 1 minute to see how tough it is.  That thing, that committee in our mind just does not want to stop!  Yet, you can probably guess where all the answers lie, and why science has shown and business leaders agree that without a doubt, "Self Knowledge" at a deep level, is the key not only to success, but to happiness, peace of mind and leadership.  Self Knowledge.  Yikes.  How do you really get to know who you are and what you were put her for?  You guessed it: Sit down, get quiet and ponder a spell- preferable out in nature.  Confoundingly simple, and we've all experienced it now and then, mostly by accident.  Ever been out for a walk at sunset, or on a beach during a vacation or blissfully relaxing in a favorite place with little going on about you and suddenly, BOOM.  A brilliant revelation comes to mind?   That's what you will get, what you are seeking with quiet reflection.  It's called mental clarity and it's free, available and there for the taking.  I'll be honest: it's not always happy, positive thoughts that flow. Sometimes the truth of who we have become is not so pretty- but self knowledge and truth is the seed that will develop in to purpose if properly tended.

We all came into this world alone, and each of us will go out the same way.  Ain't none of us getting out of this place alive, as Chef Paula Dean says.  Maybe it's time to look within and get to know the you that you would like others to know, love, trust, appreciate and do business with.  If that thought scares you, or seems to "foo foo" perhaps that;s a good starting point.  If you are reticent to spend time with yourself in solitude, why is that?  Why would others want to spend time with you when you don't even want to?  One way to begin adding a bit of solitude to your day is to do it first- spend 3 minutes when you awaken in the morning in quiet reflection.  Then build on that.  Read something meaningful- spiritual, philosophical, motivational, inspirational.  If it ends in "al" it's good.  Build in a 5 minute midday walk- a "moment present" I call it.  Take a moment to be present in your life.  Now is all we have- as trite as that sounds. Could get better, could get worse.  You never know.  I do know that 10 days in Italy - or anywhere you have "always wanted" to go, is good for the soul and I recommend it to everyone.

I return from Italy to my reality: my family, my coaching, my ocean view and my dog Stella, with renewed energy and passion for the very real challenges my clients face in the current market and a greater appreciation for the gift of every day, every moment.  And 5 pounds of pasta -worth every bite- that I need to shed from my body.  But no regrets.  It's all about living in the moment and moving forward to the next adventure.  

To Ponder:  To awaken within the Dream, That is our purpose~  Eckhart Tolle
Stop wearing your wish bone where your back bone ought to be! ~From Eat, Pray Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert
To Read: A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, By Eckhart Tolle (Also: The Power of Now.)
To Do:  Spend 1 - 5 minutes in quiet solitude- alone with yourself and try to just "be".  See what happens. 

Self Coaching Questions:
What are my strengths and how do they serve me?
What are my challenges and how are they holding me back?
How and to whom do I hold myself accountable to my highest and best use?
Need some coaching accountability?  Call me any time.

Susan Ross, Certified Business Coach