Born on November 2, 1972, Christopher Rule Schurr came into the world blue and cold with the cord around his neck. He needed resuscitation. We had moments of not knowing whether things would be alright. Within 10 minutes of working on this tiny baby, they brought him to me all bright red and crying. He was beautiful.
My son was of the sweetest nature and always kind of loving as a small baby and child. He was so kind hearted and generous. He remained that way throughout his life.
He had a hard time in school and through testing we established he had ADHD. He was the class clown and skipped school a lot to skate board. I am afraid I helped him more than I disciplined. We built a half-pipe in the backyard.
As a young man in his twenties, he developed mental illness with Bi-Polar Disorder and Severe Depression. This wonderfully bright young man found himself torn from loving his family and trying to be responsible to desperation in fighting mania and depression and medicating his illness.
We went through 15 long years of trying to help this beautiful soul. We have lost him on so many levels that I have grieved over his loss for years. My inability to help him has been so hard. My love for him so complete and my loss so great.
Chris has been lost to us for some time to the streets and being homeless. I managed to bring him home recently and get him into a "clean and sober" living environment with his psychiatrist agreeing to work with him. For the first time in a long time he seemed happy and stable. We talked each morning and planned our days so that we could stay in touch and see each other. He was looking forward to many things and plans. I felt we might be able to think and own that we may have made it and that he would be able to have a safe and happy life.
Christopher Rule Schurr died last night a little before 7:00 from natural causes. He went to church and came home with a headache. He laid down and left this life somewhere between 1:30 and 6:30 that evening.
I thank all that is for this beautiful person being in my life. He was my best friend and my buddy. He helped me buy the groceries, the Christmas tree, and he was always talking me out of something new....a skate board...a video game....he helped me buy things and figured out how to get them home....helped me fix the faucet when he was 10....he was always there and as a single mother....we had it hard. He took a bad fall on his bike...going over the handle bars and opening up his chin to 25 stitches. I was getting a haircut and came home to him patiently waiting on the drive way to go to the Urgent Care. He was always so patient with me in all things. Helping me to cook and to do yard work. He was my very best friend. I have celebrated this child each and every day of his life and so I now take that and hold it tight. He will always be with me and always be in my heart. I know how to love because of my love for this beautiful boy.
When he was little, I knew we had a problem. I would take him into his room to straighten up his room and he would be right where I left him 15 minutes later. I would inquire about progress and he seemed willing, but when I returned he still sat on the bed in the same place without having done anything.
God blessed me with the ability to somehow know that he was overwhelmed and paralyzed. So I began to do it with him....I would advise "we start in this corner and we do this and then we move here and we do this and one by one we can see progress". We spent a life time working together to organize and help him feel in control. He wanted a paper route, but could note manage it. So I got up each morning at 4:00 am and we delivered the papers and built a database to track his deliveries, who had paid and who had not. We did it together. His computer skills went on to help him in life a great deal and those skills we worked on together learning to run the paper route also helped him. If you talked to Christopher he was bright eyed and well-spoken and often times did kind acts unsolicited. He always put others first and himself last. It was always part of his generous heart.
I am so grateful that I never found fault with my beloved son and that I always encouraged him. We were a great team and we never let each other down. I am so much better as a person for the beautiful human being that was my beloved son.
In memory of Christopher Rule Schurr, born on November 2, 1972 and left this earth on March 16th, 2008.
I have written of my beloved son several times here on AR. My heart is so full with my love for him that it becomes necessary to express it. These posts were inspired by my beautiful son.
Live every moment as if it were your last. Tell each person you love, how much you love them and show it to them in every action and everything you do. Never lose the opportunity to express your love. Cherish each moment!
54 Comments
on A Tribute to My Darling Son ~ Christopher Rule Schurr
MAR
17
2008
JEANEAN - I am not really sure where to begin here, but I am sorry for the loss of your son and best friend. He sounds like a special kid who struggled mightily with his illness. I am going to send you an email soon. Thanks for sharing these stories about Chris.
Jeanean- you brought tears to a woman who never cries. Your deep love for your son is so apparent, your support for him over the years amazing, you must be an angel. My condolences on the loss of your son.
Jeanean, I'm reminded of that frequently heard saying that "God, doesn't give us more than we can handle." Well, yeah, sometimes He does, and then we learn to "start in this corner" and then we do handle things. I hope that in difficult situations I can be as loving and caring as you were with Chris.
I cannot even begin to imagine what you are feeling, and I won't even try to. Just know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I will be losing my mother very soon. I find myself struggling to deal with her illness and plan for her passing at the same time. Trying to do what is best for our loved ones is so difficult, and you have been doing it for a lifetime. Your strength is my inspiration.
I am so very sorry to hear about your loss, Jeanean. Your heart must be broken. Please accept my sincere condolences and deepest sympathy. Here is a poem for you:
Life is but an empty space, if only son I could see your face big blue eyes and full of smiles, my heart is aching I miss you so "my eyes are red with tears that flow, my world has simply fell apart, all I have left is a broken heart, if I could have a dream come true my darling son it would be to have you back were you belong, but God above must have needed you more to do his work but what? I do not know if you are strong to come to me then to you my message would be I miss and love you please wait for me in the world of eternity.
Jeanean, I sat here for a little while after reading this (with tears in my eyes) thinking of what to say, I have 3 boys myself and I love them more than words could ever express, so I know how you feel there. I am glad you were able to find him and bring him home and spend time with him. I cannot even imagine what you are going through and you will be in my prayers.
Jeanean, you have written so beautifully and eloquently of your love for and life with your son Chris. That you are able to celebrate all the good in him and your times together will hopefully see you through the sad moments ahead.
Oh my, I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine how anyone could cope at a time like this. Yet I sense you are a very stong lady and I loved reading about Chris as a young man. God bless you and your family.
As I read your blog, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss, you spoke about your Chris so loving. And the few hours he had with you, I am sure that he loved you just as much. My deepest condolensce to you and your family. May God give you comfort during this tough times.
Jeanean, I am so sorry for the loss of of your son, Christopher. There are no words to comfort you at this time, except please know you will be in my prayers.
I am blinded by tears and emotion as I write this. You are the epitome of motherhood and he was a perfect son. A very complete love. Our thoughts, prayers and love are with you now and always.
To Jeanean, her family, and friends:
In this country, in these times…one dares when they open their heart and thoughts as Jeanean has done with such grace, dignity, and compassion for her son Christopher. To know Jeanean for as long as I have is to understand that her expression of love and life comes from within a person who completely appreciates the beauty and love that is in all of us but remains locked inside as so many people struggle with many aspects of living that, in the end, are not really all that important.
I’ve known her son Christopher since he was born. Our families were close in those days (socially – and I was probably her first husband’s best friend), and I often recall how Jeanean always saw the positive side of people – and I admired the humor she could find in the most simple of things. I can attest that Christopher was exactly as Jeanean describes him.
I can do my own walk down “memory lane,” and I see Christopher as a toddler – always curious and investigating. I can recall his head of dark curly hair and how he outsmarted my son one time at our home; and that Chris was six years younger than our boy at the time. As he grew and matured he acted like most other young boys on their way to finding themselves. If anything, he has an energy level that had no bounds. I also recall how protective and loving Christopher is of his family, and how respectful and courteous he always is to us. I saw nothing else and knew nothing of his bi-polar disorder for years – until Jeanean shared the subject with us. Christopher, like his mother, has both a genuine sense of humor and a desire to make others feel comfortable.
Once, when visiting Jeanean and her family at their large boat berthed in Alemeda, Christopher escorted me to the locked gates after dark. He was built like a wrestler and told me to think of him as a “body guard.” If you know me I do not require a body guard. I’m quite capable of causing trouble all by myself. However, Christopher would have none of it as he insisted on escorting me to safety. That was the Christopher I knew.
Through is loves, his joys, his excursions through life, and even his pains…I now feel Christopher has been escorted to the safety and sanctuary he deserves.
I’ve known many people in my lifetime, and I’ve covered much ground in this land…and I always believed Jeanean to be one of the finest people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. While most of us would be challenged to write as Jeanean has done so soon after Christopher has taken a new journey – no one should be surprised, and everyone should be blessed with knowing someone like Jeanean.
Your friend,
Ralph Law
Jeanean, I am very sorry for your lost. God must have a special task for him in heaven. Hold on to the wonderful memories of your love and friendship, you seemed to have been very close. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. God Bless!
I am so sorry for your great loss. I have a son in his mid 20's. We are finally beginning to overcome some issues and he is standing well on his own, but I silently worry about him. God bless you and your son.
Hello Jeanean, I am truly sorry for your loss. As my son turned 20 years old on March 19, 2008 I am a proud mother. My son has always been the model son. Graduating from High School with a 4.0 and now in his second year of college and doing wonderful.
I don't believe there is anything we do differently with our children because as they become older they have a mind of their own and they make their own decisions. Some good and some bad. But we choose to love them with everything in us.
I am thankful for the memories that you have of your son and he will always be with you in the spirit. You were blessed to have him the time that you did.
I know what it is like to loose sons. I lost two sons at birth but I thank God for the short time they both breath in my arms.
I want to thank you all for allowing me to celebrate my son. It was very important for me to tell the universe how precious and wonderful he was. I am grateful to have a place to do so.
For those that I made uncomfortable, I apologize. I know these things are hard to internalize and allow. I thank you for your support and for allowing me this expression.
I am doing a bit better today. There is a physical and emotional process that goes on with the loss of a loved one. I am doing a bit better now and will begin to enter back into activity. I started yesterday with some AR activity and ended up getting kind of upset over what I felt was not the usual inspirational things I find here in the RAIN. I now realize...that I was just out of whack. I can feel myself coming back to my centered place. I again want to thank all these dear people who found a way to comfort me and allow me the opportunity to express the beauty of my son. I am going to start an outside blog on his illness and his life and family in hopes that it may in some way help others. God Bless and Thank You!
Jeanan - Thank you for sharing your son with us - I know it was deeply personal, and appreciate your stories about him. It sounds like you worked through a lot of life's issues and grew closer because of them. I'm very sorry for your loss, and know he will be with you in memories and spirit your entire life. God bless!
Jeanean, I'm at a loss for words and have no way to even begin to understand the pain you are going through. Sons are always so precious to their mothers and to lose him...well, just know that you are in my thoughts and that you will always hold him, if not in your arms, then in your heart. ((HUGS))
Jeanaen-there are no words that can't express how your love for your son is so evident in your words and stories. My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your family and your lovely son.
Jeanean - what a lucky boy to have been so, so loved. I have two sons and came very close to losing one of them a few years ago, who at the time was also a troubled soul. I can't say I know what you are going through, but I almost know, as I was almost in your shoes. You have my deepest sympathies. You are lucky to have known Christopher for his short time here on earth. I commend you for speaking out and letting others know the tragedies of mental and similar illnesses and how hard it is for these troubled young people and their families that love them.
Jeanean, I found you because of Jason and I'm so glad I did. You write this so well and your heart is so huge, we all want to be a part of the healing for you. I hope knowing people who read the story of you and your son are feeling your loss and will be thinking of you.
Thank you so much for you condolences and the solace you bring. It is beautiful and I do appreciate it so. I feel that I am fortunate to have had Christopher in my life and to know a love that has no bounds. Margaret is correct when she says he will be with me in spirit and in all I do. I truly do know the expansive nature of love because of my love for this wonderful boy. I am blessed to have had him the time that I did. I can feel my heart returning to normal and my ability to love growing. As I have loved Christopher, so now shall I love in all I do and every thought I have. I surrender to selfless service and love of all the universe. I shall find my son in each bird that sings and flower that blooms. He shall come to me on the wind and in the storm. He is in every particle of the universe. He will be with me always.
I have started a blog about Christopher and our family and the illness that took him from us. I hope to bring public awareness to the mentally ill and how alone they are. The purpose is to also allow people a place to share and to express their needs and feelings. I am healing. Thank you all.
Jeanean, all I can give you are my virtual hugs, respect for your son, and deep admiration for you as a mother. My first son came into the world the same way Christopher did. Those first cries were so much more precious than they would have been. I'm glad you were able to bring Christopher back home and let him receive help and be comforted rather than him die alone on the streets. Carry on walking as you used to with Christopher. He'll be right beside you. And so will He!
Thank you, Jason, for featuring this in the Family Ties wrap up post. I just love your group!
Jeanean... I am so sorry for the loss of your son. It sounds like you loved him so much and did such a wonderful job taking care of him. I lost my cousin 2 years ago... he too suffered from mental illness and drug addiction. I know exactly what you mean about having lost him on so many levels. I felt like I'd been missing Silas for years, even before he took his own life. I am only grateful that he is at peace now and no longer fighting with the voices in his head. He was such a sweet kind person as well.
Nothing can make this easier, but hang in there. You had a wonderful boy.
Chris
Jeanean, My condolences to you and your family. You sound like you were an awesome mom & best friend to him as well. Way to go girl! Know that with God's grace and His peace, you will see your beloved son again. It's not all about being here... God bless you!
Jeanean..... Heaven is Rejoicing and your son is singing praises to His name. I am sure you are missing Christopher and he has left a void in your every day life. But know that he is safe and in harms way no more. Just picture him seated with the Father and smile and remember all the special moments you had with him while God loaned him to you.
I continue to be grateful for your comments and condolscenses. I am helped by all the love and care that you are sending my way.
I have created a memorial blog about Christopher. It will in the beginning be about our family and our fight with Christopher's illness. Hopefully, it will evolve to a place where people can come and share their stories and help each other.
Jeanean-My heart is heavy after reading this post; my spirit is not. Though the pain of your loss lies beneath the surface of this post, I found it a moving and loving tribute and I thank you for sharing. I will keep you and Chris in my prayers.
Jeanean, as a father of a small boy with special needs ... well, you can imagine I feel your sadness and your strength to say hello and good-bye to Christopher.
Jeanean,
I'm so very sad for you but also inspired by your commitment to your son throughout his life. God only knows your trials and tribulations. I send you a message of peace and blessings to you and your family in your loss.
Belatedly,
N. Scott
Texas
Jeanean - I'm so sorry for you and your loss...it must be indescribable. At least he's free now from anything here that could hold him back. You will be in my prayers.
Jeanean- When I first heard of this post from Jason I wanted to come and read it but I knew I was not ready to. Your Christopher and my oldest son have so many similarities. Now after reading this post I know why I had to be ready and led to read it. My oldest son was born in 1979. He was 2 weeks early and had severe jaundice and I could take him home with me. I went to the hospital every day to nurse him and back then they would not let me nurse long because he had to be back under the lights. My X husband abused him terribly to the point that still today he can not function in society the way people do. I love him so much. For years I lived with guilt and remorse. He ran away when he was 16 and I prayed every day for him to just be alive one more day. He was homeless for years. And still is now and then. We were told he had ADD when he was 5. I pulled him out of school and homeschooled him. I taught him how to read with comic books because that is the only thing that held his attention. I taught him math through manipulatives. He too, loved to work with this hands and he could take things apart and put them back together again. After I divorced my X, my son came back to me. But then his bio dad, sicko, had him put in jail for stealing from him and then he had to run away again. I got the prosecutor to drop the charges because of the abuse. My son has had a tough life. He has a heart murmer so each day I don't know if the Lord will call him home. He is also bi polar. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. He is in California. For years now he has been working with the fairs. He puts up all the rides for the fairs, living the life of a nomad. He has never married and I don't know that he ever will. He calls me every single mothers day, Easter, my birthday, and all the holidays.
Thank you for sharing this very touching story. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Hi, it's Mindy...strangely enough I was just doing some Google searching and came upon one of your websites...fished around and ended up at the blog that you created for Christopher. After reading through it and the posts through ActiveRain I realized felt like I learned SO MUCH more about you and your life. Isn't it truly amazing that you can see someone at work everyday and not truly "know" much about them except for their work ethic?
As we were new to the office at the time, Clint and I felt it may make you feel uncomfortable to attempt to console or comfort you when you learned of his passing. As I know you much better now I must tell you that I know that, as a mom, it has to have been one of the most difficult times of your life and if you ever need to bend my ear about anything I am here!
I know that your posts have helped you to communicate your feelings over the past few months (as I am the same way)...I just want you to know that you have helped others (especially me) realize how precious life is and to embrace every moment that you have with your loved ones while you have the opportunity. Thank you so much for sharing your story (and Christopher's) with the world.
Mindy Cronic, GMAC Real Estate Professionals, Redding, CA
I'm not sure how I would handle the loss of a child. My thoughts are with you in this time of sorrow. I just read the blog and heard you have had a medical issue I hope things are getting better for you. You are in my thougths.
Jeanean,
There are no words. I am so deeply sorry for your tragic loss. You are amazing and to share this with us the very next day very generous and thank you for sharing the whole story.
I understand that you have been in the hospital and I am wishing you a very speedy recovery.
Your Friend,
Cristal
I just joined AR yesterday and today I stumbled onto your Blog about Chris. I believe that God directed me to your site because I needed to see your strength and to know that we are not alone. I am blessed to have a wonderful 33 year old son who reminds me in so many ways of your description of Chris. As I write this, my heart is so heavy with fear for him. He has struggled with Bi-polar disorder for about 16 years and it has stolen from him his health, his career, most of his associations and friendships, his dreams and he is now watching his marriage fall apart. He comes to me for support and help and all I can do is pray and listen. I will pray for your contined strength and peace as I know that there will be many days when it will be a struggle to get up and do what must be done. May God Bless you and know that your testimony of love for your son has been a blessing to me
Hello, Thank you all for you compassion and kindness. I share this to help people and to help with my own grief. There is a comment above Leolinda's comment that has no name from someone who just joined AR. Your name does not appear because you were not logged in. If you could contact me, I would like to talk with you. I pray for you and your son and if you would like to talk, I am here. Thank you for commenting.
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Jeanean Gendron, DRE#01299346, Redding and Shasta County Real Estate Specialist. This website is dedicated to bringing to real estate consumers the latest on-line tools to help them in understanding the local, state and national trending real estate market.
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Born on November 2, 1972, Christopher Rule Schurr came into the world blue and cold with the cord around his neck. He needed resuscitation. We had moments of not knowing whether things would be alright. Within 10 minutes of working on this tiny baby, they brought him to me all bright red and crying. He was beautiful.
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