I think a call is appropriate to say the least.

When I changed companies I sat down with my broker.  He did try to see if I would stay but at that point I was ready to make the change.  I've never looked back or regretted my decision.  I couldn't imagine just sneaking out the back door without letting anyone know.  Did you check the office supplies?  Just kidding!

Jason, I have had many loan officers leave me in many different ways. I do have to say, at least have the dignity to tell me you quit instead of relaying it through a fellow employee.

I agree, when leaving any work, it's always courteous and professional to let the boss know. Not showing up or saying anything is just weak and childish.

I would agree.  I have had to let people go cause I find out that they are working for two companies at the same time.  You know there is a way to leave and way to leave.   When I have quit.  I stacked my files, took the manager, and left quietly with nothing in my hands but a handshake. 

Dave

When I left my first company to move to a smaller one, I met with the broker to talk to him about it (and because here, the broker has to sign a license transfer form and mail your license back in)... the broker yelled and screamed at me and told me what a stupid mistake I was making and how I'd regret it and come crawling back.

I was a new agent and this terrified me absolutely.  It did cement that I'd made the right decision because I definitely was not working with someone with that attitude. 

Since then, I left the smaller company to go to a bigger one (followed my team leader) and then left the team and big company to go back to the smaller.

Each time, i was absolutely peeing my pants to tell the broker, because of my first experience.  The small company broker "was sad to see me go and would be there for me if I ever wanted to come back, wish you well." 

It made a big difference.  I'm still terrified of brokers.  And here, you HAVE to talk to them to get your license moved.  But I do think it's the right thing to do.

I definitely think a discussion is in order. You can't just up in leave in Virginia, but I still have seen agents do some pretty sneaky things to get out of the brokerage and all it does is "burn bridges".  Not a good idea when this is someone you could be doing business with someday down the road.

Jason...  This is a strange business...  Sometimes as I look around the office I'll notice someone has disappeared but never really know the circumstances of their departure.  Whether an agent leaves on their own or is forced out due to their lack of productivity I think it should certainly be acknowledge to all.  Our manager rarely tells us when someone leaves, usually I'll see a notice when logging onto the MLS system that says the company they are now affiliated with.... 

Hey Jason... I used to eat at Bobs Big Boy all the time when I was a kid! I LOVED their hamburgers!!

And yes... face to face is always best! It is just a matter of respect. I was fired from my favorite job in the owrld, Christian Radio Advertising one week after my final chemo treatment after the colon cancer. I wasz told I had missed too much work. I was so upset becasue my boss didnt even fire me himself, he had the salesmanager do it. What was so upsetting to me about that is that he PROMISED me that if he ever had to let me go, he would be generous enough to give me some sort of notice so I would not be out in the cold. He knew I was a single mom with kids and had JUST bought a home. I would have felt so much better about it if he would have had the guts to tell me to my face instead of using a messenger.

So it goes both ways!

To your success,

Susan

My experience was the same as Sheree's. I will talk to my broker when I want to leave but I am pretty sure it will take me a few days to get up the nerve.

When I choose to leave my company, I will first announce my presence by kicking in my broker's office door, KAPOW! Then I hand him my new business card and say, "Get ready to lose your market share, son!" After a quick pat on the cheek, I swipe the ashtray that his kid made him off his desk, and kick the door out as I leave, KAPOW! Fists thrust in the air, I strut through the bullpen with a defiant cry of, "VICTORY!!!" Of course, everyone just says, "See you tomorrow, Paul."

Professionals should act as a professional and in MI (I can't speak for TX) there are times when I think the education and requirements are too small.  This leads to unprofessional attitude and there is no denying this is not professional. 

It stricks me as interesting when I read others who leave or want to leave...guess something is missing in this industry isn't it? If there is a ton of anger you must think "why?" 

Jason,

I know exactly what you mean.  In SC, the exiting agents HAVE to have a transfer paper signed by the broker, so I typically hear from them. 

About two, three years ago, a new company came into town and in one swift move stole ALL my agents away.  I had about a dozen people at the time.  Even my secretary left me.  It was me and myself brokerage, LLC... 

As usual, serendipity kicked in: two years prior I had interviewed a lovely, vivacious lady who made quite an impression on me.  She was applying for an assistant position.  I asked her to go to Real Estate school and get licensed and I would hire her as an Agent.  The same week that everyone quit, she called me out of the blue and said: "I'm licensed now.  Can I come work for you?" 

She was my EVERYTHING: assistant, recruiter, Buyers' Agent, you name it.  She is still with me and we have become good friends.  She is a one of a kind, just an amazing lady I dearly love.  I have a smaller, but more potent team now.  They are like family to me and I would be devastated if they left.  We are really close. 

By the way, in case you are wondering: most of the agents who left my firm in that mass exodus, are no longer in the business.  They moved around several times, then quit the business.  Three of them opened their own brokerage firm.  They had only five transactions last year.  I was disappointed to see such low productivity from them; they did very well at my firm.  A good broker in charge is worth his/her weight in gold!

Jason, good, pertinent blog.  Thank you for venting!  Good job!

Jason, I remember when I first got into real estate and witnessed an agent after hours sneaking in to clean out her desk.  What?  No going away party?  I managed an office for a couple of years and never had anyone do that.  And I agree that it's rude to leave without breaking up in person - unless there are really extenuating circumstances, like your broker just got indicted or something.

I know we have to get something signed by the broker. Its just a common courtesy to let someone know why and how you are leaving. People are strange so it does not surprise me that some would do it that way.

Some people are cowards and want to avoid controversy at all costs. I am the exact opposite and like to tackle problems head on.

I can't imagine leaving a without exercising common courtesy. Isn't that what we are all about! I would hope so!

Regardless of how one feels about the Broker, employer, etc, wouldn't they think more of themselves then to sleek out without a word!

There is nothing short of doing the right thing, in all aspects of life.

Hummm, I don't think that answered your question, but I feel better!

Actually when agents leave like that you should be thankful that they aren't with your company any more.  A large part of our job involves handling conflict and we as agents have to have a certain comfort level in being around conflict.  If they can't handle something as mild as changing their license, then that does not bode well for their ability to handle the deal from hell.

Jason- It's really just a certain type of personality that can't handle confrontation. I have a story just for this. I do believe I'll go blog about it. Thanks for the idea =)  And of course, I'll give you a little bit of link-love.

Some people just don't like confrontation.  They should be able to at least say goodbye and good luck.

Unfortunately, I have to play devils advocate here.  It seems in this business sometimes it has to be that way. Some brokers will not even let you clean out your desk if you tell them.  I have seen not only agents leave and then call later (since the brokerage would think that you were taking their leads) I have seen managers have to leave under the cover of night (again, the brokerage thinks they will steal their agents) and I have seen agents advise the broker, leave a message saying goodbye on voice-mail to those who they did not see to say goodbye in person and have the brokerage erase the message before noon of the next day. They make it a big secret, like no one left in the office can discuss it.  Then they say "No, that person is no longer her.  We do not know where they are" 

So in all fairness I have to say that the courtesy should not only be done by the agents but by the brokerage too.

Gee Lovenest, I don't know... maybe it's your cologne?? LOL!

Mwa! (and one for little Abby too!!)

I switched companies last Nov 07 after 13 years working for the same broker. I left along with an another agent to form our own company. I was for the past 5 years that company's #1 agent out of 16 agents. Up until just 3 or 4 years ago the broker and I were also good friends. I won't go into all the reasons that prompted me to leave. The point is like you say I owed it to the broker to tell him I was leaving in person. It was very hard after all those years. Today He will hardly acknowledge me let alone talk to me when our paths cross. I am in his little black book now a long with many agents who left before me. I even told him at the end that I would be in his black book I saw how treated those that left before me. Regardless of how long or under what circumstances you owe your broker a face to face meeting as to why you are leaving, anything less is "Chickenshit"

Hmm, I think I may do a post on the other side of the story.  Not that I disagree with you.  But it was rather interesting when I left and did speak to the broker. 

JASON - I see no reason to leave without notice if you treat people with respect, as I know that you do.  I can't say that every broker deserves the consideration, particularly those that are abusive to their agents.  It doesn't make much sense to avoid having any discussion if you're on good terms with the broker.

I changed companies the end of September.  I wasn't ready to tell them but had a meeting with the Sales Manager and he noticed that I wasn't myself.  He asked what was wrong and I said I wasn't ready to discuss it because the broker/owner wasn't there and I wanted to talk to both of them.  Well, I finally told him that I was leaving.  Then, typed up a nice letter explaining why.  I tried to contact the broker/owner to discuss it with her and she would never return my calls.  It does work both ways.  I didn't blow up the bridge -- my former broker/owner did.  :(

Okay, my serious comment now.  Lots of mentions here about the rationale for leaving without notice.  Fights over leads, angry brokers, etc.  To me, no such repercussion would dissuade me from doing the right thing.  I can only control my actions.  If the broker chooses to be petty or make things difficult, so be it.  I will comport myself in a manner which allows me to respect myself and let the chips fall where they may.  It really is simple in my view.  Do the right thing.  Own up to your choice.

I think it's not about what the agent OWES the broker, it's about what the agent owes THEMSELVES - making a personal contact is the RIGHT thing to do, scary or not.  Be the professional you are and be upfront and honest.  Even if you have to email them to start the process (I can get emotional so sometimes it's best to get my thoughts out on "paper" first - they are much clearer that way) it's still a personal contact and an explanation.

And by all means, if you think there is even a remote chance they will be a jerk, get your stuff (office stuff, etc etc) PREPARED to go before you tell them. 

I believe that in Arkansas you have to surrender your pocket card to the broker....or it was that way a long time ago.  That means you do have to face him/her as you leave.

Jason, We left our former broker on March 1.2007.  We had the movers lined up for our furniture & computers.  we went into out brokers office and told him we were leaving.  We have no animosity toward the company or him personally.  It was a business decision for us. Before we left we were the number one team for the office, the community we work in and the #1 team in the state of Minnesota for Century 21.  We never considered for one moment leaving like thieves in the middle of the night.  You need to treat others like you wish to be treated.

Brian Bartley

Good post Jason.   Someone who leaves in the middle of the night leaves hard feelings that never really heal.  A mature, professional person of integrity would not do this.  This goes for any kind of job.  We should think better of ourselves than this and behave as such.

while it can be akward, it is common courtesy to speak to the broker you are leaving. When I switched companies last year I had to tell the broker I was leaving on his first day at our get to know each other meeting. Akward yes, since he felt like I wasnt giving him a chance, would it have been easier to simply dissapear, yes, but what happens when I have to work with him in the future

Are these the same people that just don't show up to work one day and have gone on to another job that you find out later? 

I have seen all manners of departure in my 30 years in business. Some leave with dignity , some slither away in the middle of the night,  and a few caused my eyes to moisten...ie our relationship was long and meanigful and mutally profitable. Just goes with the territory.

DEANNA - I agree.  To this point, I have had five agents leave with no meeting or phone call in the past four years. 

Jason, We do have the right to speak what is on our minds at times.  You are absolutely right.  I believe it is common courtesy and respect.  I don't know what some people are actually thinking.  Sure they can dish it out but can they take it?  I am not a Broker but it is like when you've worked hard for a client and done your best, you find out they went with another agent.  Bummer.  But that is the part of life we have to shake off and keep moving.  Thanks for the post.

Here agents have to have some sort of a conversation with the broker but I have heard of agents just leaving the office transfer paperwork on the brokers desk with the keys in the middle of the night.  I never quite understood that, but to each his (or her) own.  Personally I think if you're to the point of changing brokerages for whatever reason, then just sit down and tell them "hey, it's time for me to make a change."  Like Paul mentioned, how the broker reacts is up to them but I would prefer to take the high road.

CINDY - Actually, I did check to make sure that nothing was stolen!  One of them never even returned the key to the office.

DANNY - I had that happen recently as well.  One of my other agents had to tell me that another agent had left to work for another company.  I wasn't really surprised that he left, since he was so unproductive, but I was surprised that he decided to stay in real estate.

JOHNNY - Well said.  Weak and childish are terrific adjectives in this case.

Hi Jason,

Your post came by way of Lisa's tonight, I missed yours myself. I've seen you a lot in the Rain, yet I didn't realize you're a broker-owner.

As a fellow broker-owner myself, I too have had a few folks leave over the years, I've also terminated a few (yet very few) myself. It's never a good feeling, yet I've always felt it was for the "good" of the whole.

For those who have left, all but one was on good terms, a legal issue for me. Without exception, I/we have always passed along the follow up # for the departed agent. Some of us continue to be good friends to this day.

You are right to expect them to tell you to your face. I think it is because people are afraid of confontations that they do letters or emails. Could be they just don't know common courtesy. Makes you wonder how they were treating customers.

DAVE - I couldn't agree more.  It's a sad commentary on our business, in my opinion. 

SHEREE - You don't have to meet with the broker here to quit, but I think it is super-unprofessional to leave without saying a word.  Your experience would make anyone a little skittish about that type of meeting!

Good post  - I actually did it right and in person:)

Our office has such an open door policy that others agents from other companies and past agents can come by anytime and use the phones etc. if needed.  Our broker will even notarize for them if needed.  In Hawaii they can not leave without the broker knowing, because they are involved with the paperwork for the transfer.

CHELLE - This is an excellent point, and one that I probably should have included in the post.  Austin's market is not gigantic, and I will likely encounter these people again at some point, so why burn that bridge?

Jason, I've only switched brokerages once.  It was a pretty emotional time for me, and my old broker as we had gotten awfully darned attached to each other!   I did talk to him several times about it, and when I left it was on the best of terms.  In fact, he called often to tell me "I've dusted off your desk for you waiting for you to come back.."

I can't imagine NOT talking to the broker personally and saying goodbye.  

Jason:

Nice post. I love the bridge demo. I had almost forgotten about Bob's Big boy do we have any of those around here. You made me hungry. Ha. Great points. You probably feel about this much like I did when people would leave my church wiithout a word after years of being with us.

Jason

As yu know I have addressed this topic before as well.  You would however be surprised that so many large companies can be disenfranchised with independent contractors. Some brokers (unlike yourself) are just plain unapproachable.  Many independents chose to avoid conflict or what they perceive to be conflict...and many feel (sadly) their departure will go unnoticed.   This is a tough business, and it is not for everyone.  But I do agree that talking it through paves the way to return at a later date, IF that is something they wish to do.   

Jason- coming from a corporate world (and having not changed brokers) I am surprised to learn from your post that agents leave without notifying their broker. It's a business contractual relationship - how could one just walk out? What I see is that when agents leave, and no one in the office mentions this fact, and it's like they never existed. 

This is a great discussion. In my state, the broker has to sign a transfer of license form, so there wouldn't be any surprises there.I would never manage an office of agents (I just already know that is not my forte), but, having worked in schools for many years, makes me think about the roads of communication, and how we can all become better drivers. In your situation, I would consider yet another page in the Policy Manual, with a title like 'Thinking of Leaving?" of "How To Transfer Your License" or "If you Must, Here's How To Make An Agency Change" or "The Grass is Green, But Is It Greener? Here's How to Tell".... anything, just pave a road and give it a name. Make it very simple and brief to complete (ie, expected time of departure, 'how did we best serve & support your success? What changes would you have made?" etc.... Then, schedule an exit interview. Don't defend any of their points, just thank them for the honest feedback. Maybe even give them some token of remembrance, a 'Certificate of Appreciation' or something??? People leave, I'm sure, for all different reasons. Everyone is in their own place of understanding & trying to just figure out their life. Giving them the opportunity to WRITE something, keeps, I think, the BUSINESS/Professional perspective intact, and an exit interview and handshake & well wishes gives them the opportunity to see a graceful "OKAY" way out. All you can do, I think, is continue lending your expertise and support and facilitate the systems. I think sometimes we can spend more time trying to fix the squeeky wheels that we don't realize the engine is breaking down. You;'re an outstanding engine, Jason. You keep things running in good order and offer complete services. Just keep your eyes on the road. All the best.

Jason - what comes clear to mind is that if they left you high and dry with no explanation or the go-nads to speak with you face to face I hate to see what they would do with their buyers and sellers. You always leave anywhere amicably, you never know when the opportunity will arise that you just might need to go back or admit you just simply made a mistake !

Jason - I believe it is very important to remain professional even if someone is exiting . . . it is a small world and your paths may cross again at some point in the future.

DAN - I never hide anything, even the circumstances under which someone left.  I have even had talks with agents (usually in a lighthearted way) about how to properly leave if that time comes, but some of those people still snuck out.  It is just sad to me, in a way.

SUSAN - This is an interesting and valid point.  My partners and I run the office, so there is not a liaison between us and the agents, so any firings occur directly from ownership.  Thankfully, we haven't had to fire many agents at all (two so far).  As for your situation, that is terribly disrespectful, especially in light of your medical and personal situation.  On a side note, in Dallas the restaurants were called "Kip's Big Boy".  Weird, huh?

VIRGINIA - When I left my previous company after eight years, it took me awhile to time it right and to get up the nerve, and the meeting included a lot of tears, too.  However, we are still friends and my previous broker is still available when I have legal or other questions.

PAUL - I understand.  That is just how you roll.

I think once an agent makes up his/her mind to leave, they're foolish to leave on bad terms or to cut the ties without even telling the broker. Are they embarrassed? Afraid? Or don't care one way or the other? It shows lack of respect to just exit and not say a word.

Hi Jason, 

Good talking to you.  Now you know my story! 

Have a Blessed Easter! 

KAREN - I completely agree with you that the bar should be raised for our industry in general.  I think it probably would be perceived more as a profession by the public, too.

MIRELA - I don't really expect that the people who left in this manner will be in real estate for the long haul, much like the ones you described who left you.  Thanks for your great comments and for sharing your story.  I also feel like I add value as a broker, but I am a bit biased about that, I guess.  :)

PAT - It is a bad feeling.  I had one agent who worked for me that was a personal friend and a past client, and she called after the fact to let me know she was gone (cleaned out her desk at night).  What?  Really?

ERIC - It is odd behavior, to say the least.  In Texas, agents are not required to get anything signed by the broker, unfortunately. 

BILL - I am the same way, which is one reason that it bugs me, I suppose.  I remember seeing Zig Ziglar speak years ago, and he was talking about unpleasant tasks and why we bother to put them off until the last minute.  He said, "If I have to eat a toad, I don't want to have to look at him all day on my desk."

BOB - Common courtesy - that is a terrific way to put it.  I felt as though my "friends" didn't respect me at all if they were willing to leave in that manner.  No big loss, but it did hurt.

MELINA - I couldn't agree more with you on this point.  Our business is filled with small issues that require us to confront people, and this would not indicate the capacity to do this at all.

Jason, I think it is the age we live in.  Every office I have been in I have seen agents sneak out at the dead of night.  Personally I learned my lesson about burning bridges and always left on good terms.  I'm so pleased with my own brokerage I can't imagine wanting to go back but you never know so don't want to burn the bridge.  I try not to burn bridges in all aspects of life though.

LISA - Thanks for the mention in your post, and the link.  It was an interesting story that you shared there.  I hope you have a terrific Easter weekend!

DENISE - I agree.  It doesn't need to be a long, drawn-out meeting.

LINDA - I really don't think you are being devil's advocate in this case, as this is a separate (and very valid) issue.  In my mind, it goes without saying that the broker has to act with dignity as well.  The few occasions that I have had when agents left were very subdued, brief and professional.  That's why two of them came back.

jason, I can't imagine leaving a brokerage and not telling the broker face to face.  What are they afraid of or what are they trying to hide?

Melonie Haag

I didn't read all the comments...but in Illinois, our previous broker must sign off on our license before we can move it to another brokerage...

Of course, my previous broker was awful about me leaving and very unprofessional. She's the one who burned the bridge! She acts the same way when anyone leaves, so it was no surprise, but very disappointing to say the least.

Likely the reason is that there are many bad stories about brokers making it so difficult for agents and treating them poorly when this happens. You would not get angry and be mean, but that does not mean that others in a similar situation would behave the same way. We have heard of more stories of brokers being mad than not. So a guess would be that the agent behaves this way to avoid a bad scene. Just our 2 cents.

JENNIFER - When/how did I become Lovenest, instead of Loveseat?  Hope you have a terrific Easter weekend!

ALAN - I have to agree with your assessment.  Even though it may be hard, I think it important to be professional regardless.  I can understand if the agent anticipates a violent/angry reaction, but barring that, it seems important to maintain integrity and not to burn the bridge if at all possible.

DOREEN - After speaking with you earlier, I can certainly understand why you decided not to write that post after all.  It was good getting a chance to talk - I enjoyed it.  Let's do it again sometime!

ADAM - I agree wholeheartedly with you on these points.  If a broker is abusive, rude or prone to a bad temper, they don't deserve the same respect, in my opinion.

They should at least call or send an email. You may want to meet individually with your current employees and see if there is something negative going on in your office that you don't know about or if other employees are not happy. Maybe they don't fee comfortable enough to come to you or maybe they are just flaky people and would do the same wherever they worked. You won't know unless you ask!

JUDI - That is disappointing to hear.  I have always had very brief and courteous meetings when this happens.  I genuinely don't want agents to stay who don't want to be there, any more than I would want clients who are not happy.  You are probably better off not being there, if that was the response (or lack of response) that you got.

PAUL - I agree.  It seems juvenile to me not to meet or at least call the broker when leaving.  As you mentioned, it is really up to the broker to react appropriately.  If they choose not to do this, it is not really your problem any longer. 

RONDA - You make a great point with your comments.  Thanks for stopping by to join the discussion.  I can understand your strategy on this.

Jason - When I left my previous brokerage I did get anxious about "the talk" that I needed to have with them.  And not because I had any ill will, but because I call those folks friends.  Did then - do now.  I appreciated them giving me the chance to learn and grow and it was only fair, right and proper to talk with them face to face about my decision to move on.  It was an emotional hour, they tried to talk me out of my decision - and that's ok.  But the most memorable and special part of that whole day was the genuine hug I got - accompanied by the words, "If this doesn't work out for you all you have to do is call me.  You are welcome back here any time."

That told me that I had done it right.  I have never been one for burning bridges.  You never know when the trail you're following will take a bad turn and you have to go right back across that same bridge.  

Yes - we are independent contractors.  But that is not a license to be immature and irresponsible in our life decisions. 

I agree with you completely.  A letter, at the very least, should be common courtesy.  We are all professionals.  I was taught that you should never "burn your bridges", especially in the business world.  You are right, if that is the way that someone leaves you, you are better off without them.

BARBARA - The procedure here doesn't require any face-to-face meeting of any kind, unfortunately.  The form states that you must have notified the previous broker, but many agents just ignore that part of the process.

BRIAN - I do think it's wise to be prepared before having "the talk", since I typically want agents to go as soon as they can after they indicate that they have decided to leave.  It sounds like you handled things like a true pro.

RICKI - This is a great point about the wounds that don't really ever heal.  I was deeply hurt by one of the agents who chose to leave in this manner, but life goes on. 

ROB - That does sound awkward, but you handled things properly.  Should you ever work with him again, you won't have to feel embarrassed. 

Jason... In Tennesee we have to get the Broker to sign a TREC-1 Form ( Tennessee Real Estate Commission ) This form is signed by the departed broker and the gaining broker along with of course the agent. Once this form is signed by to departed broker you have 10 days to place your license witht the new broker and send this form to TREC.

When an agent does that, it just makes me think how they handle their clients.  They're the ones that run out of closings because they are embarressed about something they did.  It's just common courtesy to give the broker notice.  Nothing surprises me in this business......

Jason- we had one that just stopped coming about 3 weeks ago.  Our BIC has called them several times w/no response.  They have several hundreds of dollars in stuff here that you would think they would want...right?!?

RON - In a word, yes.

TREY - I realize that it's part of the job, but I have been surprised at some of the people who chose this "method".  I guess there is no way to teach maturity.

SONYA - I agree with you, but I thought it was worth raising the subject here to see what others thought.  It is very much like losing a buyer that you thought was loyal.

JESSE - We don't have any requirement for the previous broker at all, although the form states that you must have notified him/her.  I also agreed with Paul's take on this matter.

LYNDA - We have only fired two agents in four years, and both of those were just really, really flaky and undependable.  I am also still friends with some of the people who left, but the agents who left without a word made a different choice (i.e. they clearly don't want to remain friends with me).

It seems weird to me that someone would just leave without a phone call, note or anything else!  Maybe they are just not comfortable with the confrontation of it?  I would never be able to do that!

CHERI - Even the note is better than no contact at all, which has happened three times to me.  I know those people are alive and still in the business (sort of). 

COURTNEY - Kudos to you for handling things correctly.  Keep up the good work!

RANDY - I wish that were the case in Texas, but it is simply very easy to leave a brokerage here without speaking to anyone.

KRIS - I couldn't imagine doing it any other way myself.  When I left my previous company, I had a tearful meeting for hours with the broker.  He was (and remains) like a dad to me.

ALAN - It's funny - in Dallas it was "Kip's Big Boy" rather than Bob.  I am sure that this feels very much like you felt when people left your church without a word to you.