"Anyone who doubts the possibility of falling in love with a house - with all that implies of fast-beating heart, sweaty palms, and waiting for the phone to ring - just hasn't met the right one yet."

This is how Marjorie Garber starts chapter one of her book, Sex And Real Estate: The House As Beloved - Falling In Love With A House.

It's been almost a month since I first found out about this book, and my delay in reading it and writing about it has nothing to do with the book itself. In fact, the Introduction she writes to this book is worth the price of the book. There is more meat in the pages she used to lay out the foundation for her topic than is contained in the entire contents of other texts. You could buy this book, read just the introduction, and instantly have a more accurate and rounded understanding of the psychology of "home." But you'd be making a mistake.

The Beauty Of Her Writing

I'll talk about the lessons to be learned in a minute, but first I want to address the beauty of her writing. In this first chapter she uses cultural references that bring her points to life. She uses the study of the conversations in novels and feature films to punctuate her declarations and illustrate the humanizing aspects of the language we use to describe houses. This language, common in these art forms, brings to life the reality of house as lover. In this first chapter she uses references to:

• Living Together: Independence Day
• Love at first sight: Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, The Money Pit
• Misplaced Love: Pride And Prejudice
• The house as spouse: Housesitter
• When love goes wrong: The War Of The Roses
  

Living Together

Garber rightly points out that, "Realtors and house agents often find themselves functioning as therapists, psychologists, and marriage counselors." The process of searching for a house brings forth questions similar to those we ask before we truly commit in a relationship. " Is this where I want to spend the rest of my life? Is this who I want to spend it with?" The answers can be both positive and negative.

Understanding that questioning is an important part of understanding the buyer side of the equation. The questions that the buying process bring to bear in their personal lives can be monumental. This is one of the reasons why buying a house is such a stressful experience. The questions the process forces us to ask can be more than we're ready to answer.

Love At First Sight

I'm going to spend the rest of my time on this segment of the chapter. it is the largest segment. The others are very well done, but love at first sight is the dominant force that drives the other points in this chapter.

On a personal note, I've experienced both the exhilarating side and painful side of falling in love at first sight. I have fallen in love with more women than I care to admit. Each time it has been powerful and overwhelming. But only once has it endured. The power is no less concrete in the real estate transaction. As a real estate agent, you have a responsibility to your seller to maximize the dominance of this emotion in the way you present homes.  And on the buyer side, you have a responsibility to protect them from it's dangers.

Protecting Buyers From Their Emotions 

• "Sometimes a buyer is infatuated with a house even before he walks through the threshold," reports a real estate columnist, who hastens to reassure her readers that "there's nothing inherently wrong with feeling passion for a particular property." More than 50 percent of all buyers experience such overwhelming desire, according to an expert in the field."
• "I've seen people fall in love with a home that wasn't right for them," says the former president of the National Association of REALTORS®. 
• "If you bond emotionally to a property, you're in danger of making a blunder from which you cannot recover," cautions a broker for a national chain.
  

It seems to me that one of the key benefits a buyer's agent can bring to the table is the wisdom of an objective third party perspective. They are there to protect the "suitor" from what Freud called, "the overestimation of the object." Like a good friend who warns you to take your time with a torrid new relationship, a good buyer's agent becomes the voice of reason, the best friend who's not afraid to tell you the truth about your new girlfriend. 

But "as painful as love can be, lack of emotion can be a sign that there is something wrong with you." Buyers agents should also learn to recognize when it may NOT be the houses that are the problem, but the client themselves. If, after a long search, the client still can't find a house to fall in love with, there may be other issues getting in the way.

Using Emotions To The Benefit Of Your Sellers

If you're selling my home, I want you to make sure you do everything in your power to make as many people as possible fall in love with my home. I understand that there may be dangers on the buyer side, but that's why they have their own representative. I want you to flirt with the buyer, lure them in. I want you to stage my property (put on nice makeup). I want you to make sure lots of people see it (take it to the dance). And I want you to use evocative language to describe it (make sure everyone at the dance get's more than just information, I want fanfare). "As one buyer confessed, 'The reality is you fall in love with it (the property) first, then figure it (the price) out later."

"Hit the prospect at every emotional level," counsels Ruth Simon in Forbes Magazine. Why? Because buying a home is not about information - the number of bedrooms, bathrooms, or square feet a home possesses. It's about relationship. We want to fall in love with the house. We need to fall in love with the house. This chapter illustrates the many reasons why.

Next up, Chapter Two: The House As Mother - The House Loves Us