Rated R, for Really Not a Good Idea to Watch with Mother-in-Law

I’m not to the point where I’m going to join a council on morality, but something’s got to happen about all the nudity these days.  

My concern starts with my visiting mother-in-law.  She’s taking a break from her duties as the treasurer of her church and star singer of a Baltimore area choir to visit our little family for Easter.  You can’t get more wholesome than that.  She even woke up at three in the morning Easter Sunday to watch the sun rise at Red Rocks.  This despite knowing that she would be able to see something similar at a more normal hour from our place.  

And I must admit, despite balancing my overweight, beer-drinking, secular self on eggshells for the duration of her visit, I really enjoy her company.  You’ll rarely eat as well as when you turn a woman into a grandmother.  Something snaps in a lady’s head and meatloaf becomes the new knitting.  

But it all got a little weird when I popped in what I was told was a “pleasant romantic comedy”.  It’s a movie called Feast of Love. Turns out it’s essentially a montage of sex scenes interlaced with people doing dumb things—dumb, immoral things.   You never get a cleansing shot of a happy kid to justify the rabid lovemaking; the naked parts segue into scenes of people finding ways to get naked again.

Right as the camera focused on two women drinking lattes and behaving as widely accepted straight people, my wife left to take care of Quin.  As apparently was the mantra of Feast of Love’s director, in seconds the actors went from clothed, to suggestively posturing in a Jeep, to stamping their ticket to Hell.  And my mother-in-law and I sat together, two generations in silence amongst the moaning pleasure of unabated same-sex lust.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

I was so nervous I wanted to suggest we drive to the foothills and wait for the sun to rise again.  But we got through it, and I’m telling you, if you want your porn to have a heartfelt message, then Feast of Love is it.  

Once it was over I sat and watched the news as to demonstrate stability, and that the state of world and local weather were paramount in my mind.  When I found my wife, she was laughing and wondering if I enjoyed watching a lesbian sex scene with her mother.

“Yes,” I replied.  “It was wonderful.”  Now time to find the nearest church. 

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