"Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."–Mark Twain
Charismatic, powerful people have a way with words. Perfecting your communication skills can attract and increase your business. With words, you can empower, or you can diminish.
When you speak:
- Do you your words connect with others?
- Do they feel understood, appreciated and acknowledged?
- When you talk to yourself, does it create a reality that is empowering?
The words we say to others and the words we say to ourselves all shape our experience and reality.
Let’s explore three areas and look at some ways to enhance your effectiveness:
How You Speak To Others
A good communicator is aware of other’s points of view and needs and speaks in a way that connects. We all have different communication styles. Some of us are extroverted; some introverted. Some of us consider everything from a bottom-line perspective and others care most about the relationship.
Your natural style connects well with others who are the same style and they automatically feel comfortable with you. But you will miss this same understanding the other 75% who have a different style unless you are aware of the differences and adapt your natural style.
The Golden Rule has always seemed a good way to treat people, but a better way is the Platinum Rule, where you do unto others in the way they’d prefer, rather than the way you’d prefer. This builds trust and make a BIG difference!
Your words can soothe or hurt. You can build someone up or tear them down. You can expand the future for someone or diminish it.
Your words can be a sword or a valentine. Sometimes, when you withhold them, you can hurt others and by expressing them, you can bring a warm and wonderful feeling alive where none was present before the words were spoken.
COACH’S TIP – Watch for the next 24 hours for the impact you create with your words have. Is the impact what you are intending? Do you take every opportunity to thank and acknowledge people, instead of just assuming they know? Do you take time to build others, by noticing and pointing out their strengths? Do you express your feelings and give others the gift of your intimacy?
At any moment you have the ability to change another’s experience by the gift of your words. Are you unconditionally constructive with everything you say? What would it take to do that?
How You Speak to Yourself
The power that your words have in speaking to yourself has an even greater impact. Your subconscious gets its programming from what you say. I caught myself on the tennis court after a bad shot, saying, "You always hit the ball into the net like that, Joeann." Whoops! I thought, I bet that kind of a message does damage to my tennis game. So now I say, "Gosh, that’s unusual! It is not how you know to hit that ball!”
It’s easy, though, to berate ourselves and for many of us, it is our default setting. We look for what’s wrong or echo some negative thought from growing up that we have taken as truth. First, many of us have been told not to boast or be proud. We are not comfortable speaking and sharing our accomplishments. Secondly, the gremlin voice (that one Arianna Huffington in her book Thrive, calls the Obnoxious Roomate) is usually ready and waiting with some remembrance that someone said long ago to berate us. We have stored that memory and repeat it when things don’t go well, continuing to program our subconscious that we are incompetent, unable, and stupid.
COACH’S TIP – For the next 24 hours, notice each time you think or speak negatively about or to yourself, IMMEDIATELY reframe and direct the comment into a positive one. Decide to bring this awareness to every day. You can create a whole new reality about what you are capable of by being vigilant in this area.
How Can You Use Affirmations and Shift
So much of our communicating is of the knee-jerk, reactive type and not designed to build others up or ourselves. And, remember, building someone else up doesn’t mean diminishing yourself. Stop trying to force yourself to be someone you are not. Happiness isn’t about conforming to who you "should" be or what you need to get better at, but it is about being true to yourself-your best self-that self you have always wanted to be. Picasso wouldn’t have focused on the fact he wasn’t a great musician — he would drop the "fix the weakness" thing and reveled, instead, in using his strengths and natural brilliance at being an artist! Appreciate and let out who you ALREADY are!
Life is too short to perfect your weaknesses.
COACH’S TIP – Make two lists for yourself. The first is, "What I want for others." This would be how you want others feel from having been around you. For instance: What I want for others is for them to be more in touch with their natural brilliance and talents. The second list is, "Who I am at my very best." For instance: I am someone who is focused and produces extraordinary results, joyfully with no struggle.
Then read your lists at least once a day. Or better yet, tape them and play them while you are in your car. Feel free to change as you fully internalize and begin to have no doubts about your statements. These affirmations can remind you of what is really important to you and why you are here on this planet.
Your words are what you create your world and your daily experiences with.
What reality do you want to live in?
Is that what you have been saying?
Watch your words and you’ll see a shift in your world.