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Are You a Me, Me, Me Buyer or Seller?

By
Real Estate Agent with The Platinum Group Realtors

Driving home today I was listening to an interview on NPR with Garth Brooks.  He was talking about going home to Oklahoma and realizing that he did not know his 3 young daughters very well and they did not really know their Dad.  At that time he decided to step aside from his music career and be at home with his girls growing up.  The line that caught me was when he said, "Don't let me fool you and think it was easy to step away because music had always been about me, me, me and now me, me, me was dead last.  My ego did not handle it very well and it was an adjustment.

 

After hearing about that I started thinking about working with buyers and sellers and when the ego gets involved and me, me, me takes over.  We all have different stories of that happening but most often the end result is not really happy for anyone.  I would like to believe we all start out wanting to have a successful transaction of either buying or selling a house.  

 

How do you know when your ego has taken hold and "Me, Me, Me" is in charge?  I notice it when all of a sudden there is a want for more.  This can be more of what the seller is selling, a better deal, more time, wanting more things done, or a lack of coming together in an inspection resolution.   

 

I have seen several transactions fall apart because me, me, me took over and the ego ultimately controlled the situation enough to kill a deal.  Just like Garth Brooks described it is not easy at first to recognize that me, me, me syndrome and we usually don't want to acknowledge it much less change it.  It takes a lot more character in a person to have their ego step aside than stay in the me, me, me game.  Just something to ponder as you buy or sell your next house.  Creating a win/win situation is sometimes hard but the intent for that to be the case keeps the ego in check.

Posted by

Kelly Young Realtor

About the Author: Kelly Conner Young, GRI

Kelly is an Associate Broker with The Platinum Group Realtors.  She has over 15 years experience in Real Estate in the Colorado Springs and Front Range region of Colorado. She represents buyers and sellers of real estate buying homes, land for sale and mountain property getaways.   Specific areas include:  Black Forest, Broadmoor, Colorado Springs, Divide, Falcon, Downtown, Manitou Springs, Monument, Old Colorado City, Westside, Woodmen Hills and Woodland Park. You can reach her at 719-226-0126 or by clicking "email the author" above.

Comments(61)

Laura Filip
Laura Filip Broker , Opening doors for All Seasons of Life - Whitesboro, TX
What can we do for you today?

Great post thank you for sharing, This just happened in a transaction really just a few days ago. The buyers agent decided to  take action and call the appraiser about what he thought was an issue , control the situation take charge for sure, The appraisal came back good no problems no repairs needed. The ego of the buyers agent stepped in and the deal fell flat on its face I mean let's slide down the white rock road on our face and stop at the tree with a huge bang. We were ready to close clear to close oops no it did not happen. Ego stepped in let me show you a thing or two. Sad for all indeed. It is important to always remember if a win win can be in place it is much better for all involved. Do not ask for the moon the stars, and the universe it only allows for bad feelings for all involved. Be reasonable. Have a blessed day to all. 

Dec 20, 2014 04:26 AM
Raymond Denton
Homesmart / Evergreen Realty - Irvine, CA
Irvine Realtor®

"me me me" is also the primary cause of Divorce, and it happens because of immaturity.

Dec 20, 2014 05:18 AM
Marla Yost
The Yost Team- Keller Williams Realty - Arlington, TX
The Yost Team

Great post.

Dec 20, 2014 05:30 AM
Ranee Bray
TCP Real Estate - Cedar Park, TX
North of Austin Homes

I agree with Raymond Denton, this is a maturity issue.   When someone is able to stop thinking about themselves, and put others first, that is when they grow up.  And also when they become happy.  

For clients, they have to understand the difference between negotiating a good business deal and expecting the world to be at their beckon call. 

Dec 20, 2014 06:25 AM
Rob Arnold
Sand Dollar Realty Group, Inc. - Altamonte Springs, FL
Metro Orlando Full Service - Investor Friendly & F

I think men have even more trouble putting their egos aside than women.  Not always an easy task.  You have to think of the customer first always. 

Dec 20, 2014 06:35 AM
Sybil Campbell
Fernandina Beach, FL
Referral Agent Amelia Island Florida

Hi Kelly, I'm dealing with one of those "me, me, me" buyers right now; it's getting on my last nerve!

Dec 20, 2014 06:47 AM
Kelly Young
The Platinum Group Realtors - Colorado Springs, CO
Colorado Springs Real Estate ~ 719-226-0126

Geoff, oh yes, the "shadow buyer" also called "realtor/consultant/friend, etc.  Usually does not work very well.  Thanks for the note.

 

John, a great creed to do business by.  I can remember times feeling sad at a closing for one side or the other.  

 

Ed, true I just think that wisdom also comes with experience and this can look like our own egos or our clients and finding when & how to work with that.

 

Shannon, great observation and how very true!  Love it.

 

Scott, good for you and a great way to try to avoid the ditches by someone taking over.

 

 

Dec 20, 2014 07:45 AM
Kelly Young
The Platinum Group Realtors - Colorado Springs, CO
Colorado Springs Real Estate ~ 719-226-0126

Laura, my heart reading this for you, the buyer & the seller.  The other agent, my guess would be, has done this  more than once (very sad).  

 

Raymond, very true -- emotionally immaturity and me, me, me can create huge issues for us as people in all areas of our life. 

 

Maria, thank you for the note.

 

Ranee, true and yet there have been times that I have been caught off guard I think because I had different expectations of the person than what showed up.  Interesting world we live in sometimes.

 

Rob, I was with a customer today and he was talking about being competitive with his daughters boyfriend and the price he was paying for that (sore body from a game).... Wow don't you think.

 

Sybill, hold on and I think a great follow up to this is how to difuse the ego when we find it operating.

 

Dec 20, 2014 07:52 AM
Melissa Zavala
Broadpoint Properties - Escondido, CA
Broker, Escondido Real Estate, San Diego County

I think it is hard to ... on the one hand be dependent upon a closing to pay the bills and on the other hand be completely objective. Not sure that the NPR discussion can totally relate to our positions in the field of real estate. It is easy to be totally selfless when your mortgage payment is not dependent upon your selflessness.

Dec 20, 2014 08:53 AM
Kelly Young
The Platinum Group Realtors - Colorado Springs, CO
Colorado Springs Real Estate ~ 719-226-0126

Melissa, I hear what you are saying but I think for me, I can only know what I operate from, my motive is what is important and there are times that me, me, me is the motive.  I have turned down writing offers because I just did not think it was the right thing to do.  The money has always been there as long as I do the right thing.  

Dec 20, 2014 09:03 AM
Tom Bailey
Margaret Rudd & Associates Inc. - Oak Island, NC

Kelly, I must agree with Melissa. We like to think deals are something, but in reality they are straight up business deals. I will tell clients when I think they are being unreasonable, but I have no problem asking for the world. 

Dec 20, 2014 11:59 AM
Kelly Young
The Platinum Group Realtors - Colorado Springs, CO
Colorado Springs Real Estate ~ 719-226-0126

Tom, it is interesting where the balance is between business and personal especially with, for most people, their home being this biggest & most expensive asset.  Thanks for the note.

Dec 20, 2014 09:57 PM
Tom Bailey
Margaret Rudd & Associates Inc. - Oak Island, NC

Kelly, my view may be colored because I came to RE from an industry where people make the me me me crowd seem nice.

Dec 21, 2014 12:56 AM
Richard Robibero, e-Pro, ABR, SRS
Panorama R.E. Limited - Toronto, ON
Selling Your Home as if it were My Own!

We all have it I think... Kelly Young . The important thing is when it starts to show up to recognize it and adjust. Happened on a deal last night. I wanted to tell the buying agent where to go (if you know what I mean) but I put me, me, me aside and got the deal done.

Dec 21, 2014 07:11 AM
Kelly Young
The Platinum Group Realtors - Colorado Springs, CO
Colorado Springs Real Estate ~ 719-226-0126

Richard, way to go.  You are way ahead of most of us being able to see it and take a different course.  

Dec 21, 2014 07:13 AM
Carla Muss-Jacobs, RETIRED
RETIRED / State License is Inactive - Portland, OR

I know what you me, me, mean.  There's some things that we just have to work around, and me is one of them!

Dec 21, 2014 10:13 AM
Jeanne Dufort
Coldwell Banker Lake Country - Madison, GA
Madison and Lake Oconee GA

Sellers and Buyers who are stuck in the "land of me" rarely reach their goals. Failure to keep you ego in place will cost you dearly!

Dec 22, 2014 02:54 AM
Alan Grizzle
Chestatee Real Estate - Dahlonega, GA
Full Time Realtor, Lifelong Resident of Dahlonega

The best way to make a good deal is find a deal that will work for all parties. 

Dec 24, 2014 10:10 AM
Jeff Jensen
The Federal Savings Bank/Lending in 50 states - Greenwich, CT

If you want to be nice to yourself, you are lucky enough to be able to take a walk in the Garden of the Gods.

Dec 26, 2014 06:54 AM
Kelly Young
The Platinum Group Realtors - Colorado Springs, CO
Colorado Springs Real Estate ~ 719-226-0126

Carla, that is a great way to put it "some things that we just have to work around -- me".  Love that.

Jeanne, yes they are "stuck in the land of me".  Sounds like a great name for a board game.

Alan, so true and yet sometimes it starts that way & some little something gets the "me" started and it goes downhill from there.

Jeff, a great place to go for a hike, lunch or just sit and immerse in the beauty itself.

 

 

Dec 26, 2014 08:58 AM