Dear nameless, faceless lending institution,
I am writing today to extend my deepest regrets that our clients have decided to purchase another home while you fumbled around with their offer for the past 8 weeks. You see, there is just so darned much inventory on the market, that when you take two months to respond to an offer on a short sale listing, buyers get a little fidgety. Happy feet take them to other properties while they wait for your verdict. In this particular instance, had you been just a wee bit more aggressive in expediting the matter, rather than basically letting the file collect dust for weeks on end, you would not be in the unenviable position of staring another foreclosure in the face. In fact, had you stepped it up just enough to accept or negotiate the offer one week earlier, we would have closed, and you would already have one fewer headache. Know what happened during week 8, though? It's funny really. Well, it is to me. As you were finally signing off on an acceptance, thus beginning our clients' 10 day inspection period, they fell head over heels in love with another home. Gorgeous property with sweeping desert and city light views. Great price too. Oh, and a seller who is willing to accommodate a 2 week closing for these CASH BUYERS.
So thank you for the belated acceptance. It was like getting that wedding gift months later. The one that you thought your third cousin had stiffed you on. Of course, as is usually the case in such instances, we had to return it for something we like a little better.
It's not you, it's us. We have grown apart during these last couple of months, and I'm ashamed to admit, we have been playing the field while we anxiously awaited your return from Rwanda, or wherever the heck you've been stationed with the paperwork. Consider this your "Dear John." Hopefully you will be a little more attentive to your suitors next time, lest you chase yet another CASH BUYER into the arms of competitor.
Best wishes in the future. I hope that we can still be friends. Of course, I'll be the friend who borrows your new skill saw and returns it with a frayed power cord and God knows what all over the blade. You see, the buyer we bring after the property comes back to you might not be much to look at. She will likely not be paying CASH, and very well might come within 100k of this offer if we are feeling generous. I tell you though, she's got a great personality!
Your friends,
Ray & Paul Slaybaugh
Realty Executives
(480) 948-9450
Scottsdale AZ Real Estate
P.S. Please stop sending me mailers for a line of credit. Isn't that what got you into this mess in the first place?