Is may be just me, but it seem like dealing with family in a real estate transaction is one of the messiest situations to be involved with. Every time I have had to do it, somebody got their feelings hurt and an unpleasant scene has unfolded. A perfect example of this happened to me this week. I received an email from a woman who was interested in buying a little get-a-way in the mountains. I sent her all the best listings in her price range and we set an appointment to look at property. The day came and we went out. The day seemed to be very successful. We found a few cabins she really liked and I thought she was a really nice person. During the course of the day, she told me that her son's mother-in-law was an agent up here also, but she wanted to deal with me. We got her pre-approved and it seemed like the next step was imminent. I had an inkling that something was up when she called me and said her son told her that " If I used his mother-in-law, I wouldn't have to pay you a commission". I informed here that she didn't have to pay me any commission as that is the sellers responsibility. " Oh, that's great " she said and then told me she was going to use me anyway, no matter what her son said.

During this time, a new listing popped up that was perfect for her. It was, far and away, the best thing available in her price range. I sent it to her and let her know if she wanted it, she would need to act quickly. The cabin in question is an REO and priced a good $50k below market value, which is a huge discount. She told me her son and daughter were going to be up and wanted to look at it. If they liked it, she would write the offer. She told me that they had my number and would call me when they got up here. At around 11:00 am I still hadn't heard from them. I called my client and let her know that they still hadn't contacted me. She assured me I would be hearing from them sometime soon. At 3:30 pm, they still hadn't called. It was becoming apparent to me what was going on. Finally , at 6:30pm my client called me and she sounded very upset. She told me " I don't know why my son is being this way, but I've decided not to buy anything right now." She thanked me for all my work and we hung up.

As of right now, I am fine with everything. You can't win them all, and money isn't everything. The woman in question is a really neat lady. I actually like her more than anybody that I have worked with in a long time. I feel bad for her because she is stuck in the middle of a situation she didn't create. Peace in the family is very important and I can understand why she wouldn't want her son angry with her. I must admit, if I see her put an offer on the place through her son's mother-in-law, I may feel a twinge of anger. I mean, I did all the work and this other agent is going to profit off of it. To make matters worse, I know her son from back in the day. Since there is really nothing I can do about it, I am just going to let it go and concentrate on getting another deal in the works. You can't control everything that happens to you, but you can control how you react and how it affects you. I know I did a good job for her and I would have done a great job guiding her through the process of buying the house. I did all I could do and it didn't work out the way I would have liked it to. Hopefully the next one will be better.

 
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10 Comments on Dealing With Family

I have a rule... no parents or family get to see the house chosen until after all contingiencies have been met. I have lost too many to the crying mother concerned about her daughter living "in that house".

04/13/2008 01:59 PM by Patrick Lambert (Century 21 All Islands)


Israel, I understand how you feel.  Did you have her sign a  exclusive buyer's agreement by chance? Instances like these make you feel like you should always get one signed FIRST!

04/13/2008 01:59 PM by Owensboro KY Real Estate Specialist Vickie McCartney Broker,ASP,ABR (Home Realty GMAC Real Estate Owensboro Kentucky)


I just helped a family member through a short sale. It was a very difficult situation. Fortunately it turned out okay, but I know in most cases it won't work out favorable.

04/13/2008 02:05 PM by Christopher Watters, Realtor - Greater Austin Texas Area (Texas Ranch & Home Realty)


Israel, I can empathize with your position and have felt the same way you do. The issue is that this is your business and you need to treat it as such. If you have a contract with the lady and she buys through the "mother-in-law" I would enforce your contract.

If you have no contract (and you showed the house she is buying) then you have an argument for procuring cause. Unless  you caused "estrangement or abandonment" which it sounds as if you did not, then you are procuring cause for the deal.

04/13/2008 02:10 PM by Christopher Bonta,Realtor/ Integrity and Honesty (The Masiello Group)


Patrick-I wish I had been able to get to that point. Her Son threw a fit and blew up the deal before it got started.

Vickie-Getting of those things signed sounds great. However, I think it is off putting to many buyers. I only want clients who want to work with me. If they are going to be shady, than good riddance.

Christopher- I'm glad it worked out for you.

Christopher Bonta-I sent her the email about the property, but did not physically show it to her. I don't have enough of a case to pursue anything. Besides, It is only a $120k cabin. It's just not worth the effort and bad feelings.

04/13/2008 02:24 PM by Israel Barden (Coldwell Banker Mountain Gallery)


Israel... oh, I feel for you brother.  Family is one of the hardest transactions that I have gone through.  I just closed a deal with my parents out in the desert, it went pretty smooth, but there were days that I almost sent them to someone else, hehehe.... my dad is a tough cookie.  Love em, but grrrrrr... all is well now, they love their new home and I still am their favorite child, hehehehe.

04/13/2008 02:46 PM by Kim Kelley (Coldwell Banker Sky Ridge Realty)


Kim- I have some real horror stories from dealing with my family. I'm going to save them for another blog. I only have so many things to write about:)

04/13/2008 03:14 PM by Israel Barden (Coldwell Banker Mountain Gallery)


When we sold my parent's condo, my father called me to say emphatically, "I won't take a penny under..."   He laughed when I said, "You know, I have to smile when other people say that to me, but I know where you live!"

04/13/2008 07:05 PM by Peter Wolf (Coldwell Banker)


That's a tough one.  Sometimes you can do everything right and you still don't put a deal together.  That is the hard part about working with people - you can lead them to water, but can't always get them to drink.  Keep your nose down, another deal will come along soon that is so easy it'll feel like free money.  Stay in the hunt!

04/14/2008 02:08 PM by Greg Steffens (Coldwell Banker Sky Ridge Realty)


Greg-You are so right. Attitude is everything. I got a great lead today, as a matter of fact. Us mountain folk have got to stick together:)

04/14/2008 06:21 PM by Israel Barden (Coldwell Banker Mountain Gallery)


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Real Estate Agent: Israel Barden (Coldwell Banker Mountain Gallery)
Israel Barden
Big Bear Lake, CA
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