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The 3 Most Important Words in Every Real Estate Transaction: (1) Its (2) My (3) Fault

This weekend I let my "BRING ON THE BLAME" philosophy slip into a comment I placed on Neal Bloom's very funny featured post. My remark about always choosing to accept the blame seemed to strike a chord with the RainerNation.

What do you think the 3 most important words in any real estate transaction are? (no, it is not "TODAY WE FUNDED"...but that's right up there). They are:

(1)Its (2) my (3) fault

That's right, I consider it my job to be the whipping boy and the scapegoat when things go wrong. Even though I am very careful to moisturize, I have a confession.... my professional skin is as thick as leather.

I can take it. I can start conversations like this when I had absolutely NOTHING to do with the problem: "You, know, something has happened that is a problem, and I want you to know I accept full responsibility."

Excuse me, what did she just say? The appraiser has come in $100,000 low and she is taking the blame?

Note: I am not apologizing. That I save for when things are really my fault. There is a difference between making an apology (which is also a skill everyone needs to learn) and accepting responsibility.

There is no way to tell you how easily and quickly this diffuses even the biggest problem out there. This works with my Realtors and with my clients. It saves all that time that many agents spend pointing fingers and assigning blame, and turns it into productive time we can use to solve problems together.

"Whew! I'm glad we know who's fault this is. Now we can go back to getting this thing closed." I'm okay with this, would you be?

Want to know why? Well, for starters, it is more than a little disarming to the person who was just about to rant for 10 minutes when I am willing to accept the blame for something (which they already know is not my fault). A very common comeback (after a little stunned silence) is an attempt to convince me it really ISN'T my fault.

Is that a 360 degree turn or what?

And I can honestly answer, "Because the buck stops here. I am responsible for getting us all to the closing. If we are delayed, if we took a wrong turn, or if we are stopped and staring right at a dead end, then I take the blame. Now, let's fix the problem and get back to work.

I am not certain if this falls under reverse psychology or shock therapy. I do know this: the very first hurdle to having the ability to accept blame, is to NEVER, EVER take things personally when you are operating professionally. Once you get this, you too can happily be the scapegoat in every transaction. This will also quite naturally make you the leader, and bind the troops together.

Go ahead. I challenge you to disarm someone this week with these 3 words "Its my fault".

If the meanest, grumpiest, beast in your neighborhood turns into putty, well, don't be surprised.

Written By Janet Guilbault, California Mortgage Expert Based Out of the San Francisco Bay Area

Posted by Janet Guilbault California Mortgage Banker/Broker on 04/14/2008 12:10 PM

Comments (18)

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18 Comments on The 3 Most Important Words in Every Real Estate Transaction: (1) Its (2) My (3) Fault

APR

2008

Interesting Janet, while I don't mind being the scapegoat....I have never tried this approach. Something to consider...

Good post. It is amazing how you can change a persons perspective by taking responsibility, it earns trust, breaks down walls and doing the right thing just feels good.

It's Jason's Fault!

I do agree, coming into a "hostile transaction" with humility is disarming. However, I don't believe in enabling would be professionals OR taking the hit for stupidity. No paycheck is worth that.

Janet...

I like your newly staged Blog.

Very nice and yup...I'd say it's snazzy indeed :)

TLW...ROAR!

Why thank you so much TLW. Being one of the more challenged when it comes to stuff like this, I must say I am very proud of me for actually doing this and being one of the first 500 to do it.

I love how everyone at ActiveRain jumped in and posted how to do this. So helpful

Rich: What is enabling anyway? Does than mean you enable someone to get over it? Does that mean you enable someone to re-think attacking you? I do not mind enabling other agents in this manner.

I also do not mind taking the hit when someone else does something stupid. I get way more milage from taking the hit than I do telling the rest of cast that so and so really did something stupid.

And I also do not place my ego above my paycheck. Paychecks are why I do what I do. I only get really MAD when I do something stupid.

I just place blaming people after the fact very low on the priority scale for getting things done. It is a waste of time. If I have it within my power to help everyone move along, then I will.

PS to the comment above: You're damn right. It IS Jason's fault.

Why say "it's my fault" if or when it isn't? And, even if it is, wouldn't it be better to say "the buck stops here?" By saying "the buck stops here," you are taking responsibility and control of the situation (even if it isn't your fault) and will do everything you can to resolve the issue(s). Then you go about and solve the problem. There. Now you're a problem solver without taking blame. And saying "it's my fault" is not somthing I really want to say in a litigious society - especially when it involves real estate! (Just my 2 cents worth.)

Janet, I appreciate your thoughts but recently ran into a situation where a lender I was working with kept "taking the blame" and not fixing the problem....when the problems were on her end. It made it very frustrating for my client and myself. In this case, it didn't do any good to accept fault; I think the better choice is to be responsible.

Lewis: good point regarding our litigious society and the chance you take by admitting fault. I think we are on the same page, but you have said it in a safer way. Thank you for pointing out something I had not thought of.

Joddie: I guess taking the blame when it is your fault is better than not admitting that you are at fault. I understand how frustrating this situation must have been for you, however! No amount of accepting the blame for a problem is good enough if you don't work on a solution.

I agree that we should admit when we're wrong, and sometimes take the blame for something that's not our fault. But one time, I took the blame for something and the client just jumped on me. This person was so insecure, they HAD to have someone to blame. And in reality, it was the client's fault!

Not much on the blog for now but like the new graphics. Hopefully see in class for my next lesson.

APR

2008

Sure, blame the East Coast Guy:-)

Janet: This is a great technique. I have used it myself. It reminds me of some training I did that was to swing to someone's emotions to their extreme, to pull them back to center. Sounds similar to this.

J-Sar (East Coast Guy) You are my favorite whipping boy.

Lisa: I also have had that happen. You are right to say insecurities play out so often when people do not want to take the blame themselves. I know it wasn't easy being jumped on, but I bet it is better than you coming back and saying "its your damn fault so shut up." LOL

Hi Eric!!!!! Hope to talk to you again soon or see you in Walnut Creek on your next visit.

Chris: Chris, well said. I like the swing back to center phrase. That says it all.

APR

2008

Well stated and incredibly accurate. Nothing is ever gained by all parties involved trying to push blame on each other. That being said, it always seemed that the blame eventually fell on me anyway. A septic fails, MY FAULT, appraisals low, MY FAULT, customer lost their job, MY FAULT. So.......years ago, I began approaching most every situation much the same way you have. By accepting responsibility for virtually every obstacle to a transaction, you get a variety of responses. It certainly helps you gage who exactly you want to do business with and who you don't. It's never personal, and never on PRINCIPLE. After all, nothing good ever comes from th ole, 'but its the PRINCIPLE' posture. Good post. Really enjoy reading your stuff!

Scott: Thanks for the backup...the best point you made in my opinion is this: you are going to get the blame anyway.

I have seen people waste hours about the "principle of the thing". Honestly, in my case this started more as a time saver. But it worked so well, and helped break down barriers so fast, that I just put it into my tool box.

Note most commetors disagreed with me. LOL. I guess that's why it works so well. Almost no one has the guts to take the blame.

APR

2008

Janet I read your coments on Neal's blog and it definitely hit home with me! I truly believe that accepting '100%' responsibility is the key.......I'm not sure about the 'its my fault'...but maybe thats just playing with words.........But you're right it does 'disarm' them...it takes the negative wind out of their sail....and then no doubt you'll have smoother waters ahead to clip through..:-) Awesome! Love it!

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