We love our houses. There's no question about that. 

In my review of Chapter 1 of Sex And Real Estate, we looked at how we fall in love with houses and how this reality could not be ignored, either by buyer's agents or seller's agents. Both have a specific role to play in protecting their clients from the negative impact of the strong emotional connections we make with our houses. 

Chapter 2 of Sex And Real Estate, The House As Mother, is not dealing with reality.  

It is dealing with the ideal of "mother." The subtitle to chapter two reads, "The House Loves Us." Garber begins the chapter by detailing how "home" is like "mother", with a list:

• It loves you unconditionally
• It will take you "the way you are," without dress-up or pretense.
• It is comfortable, not challenging or threatening.
• It takes care of your basic needs: food, clothing, shelter.
• It makes you feel safe.
• It contains you.
• It nurtures you.
• It prepares you for the world "outside." 

She is quick to point out that we may read these traits and say "not my mother." But the point of the chapter is just that point. It doesn't matter what the truth is. In fact, the further from the truth those statements are, the more powerful the fantasy becomes. It's about what we wish were true. We fantasize that our homes love us as much as we love them. We want it. We need it. To get it, we'll make it up if we have to. "There's no place like home." "Home is where the heart is." These are statements that speak to the concept of home as one of our universal core values.

Garber clearly explains  that "woman" and "house" are tangible and that "mother" and "home" are ideals. The word woman is a physical description, just as the word house is a physical description. The word mother has more power, because it is tied to the abstract notion of what everything being a mother entails. The same is true of the word home. Home is also an idealistic concept. Need proof of how strong this connection is? 

I was having a hard time trying to figure out how to encapsulate the overwhelming connection of home to the concept of mother. I was looking for an illustration and today it finally hit me. One of my favorite songs by The Commodores is "Brick House." You know the song. 

"She's a brick----house. Mighty mighty, just lettin' it all hang out. She's a brick----house. The lady's stacked and that's a fact, ain't holding nothing back."

Now, sing it again in your head, only replace the word "house" with "home." Go ahead... 

Yeah. "She's a brick house" makes me want to run across the dance floor and grab my wife. "She's a brick home" is just wrong. It makes me feel kind of icky all over.

It's a powerful and pervasive connection.

It's a subconscious connection, which makes it even more powerful. It can't be ignored. It plays a large role in why we fall in love with houses, but it has it's own wrinkles and twists. And as the real estate agent, understanding how to tap into that connection is essential. Garber concludes the chapter with this: "To buy a house is to come home to mother. No wonder the real estate market is complicated."

Remember, buying a home is not about information - the number of bedrooms, bathrooms, or square feet a home possesses. It's about relationship. As the seller's agent, how do you integrate the concept of "home" into your selling strategies? As the buyers agent, how do you keep it from being a distraction? 

UP NEXT: Chapter 3, The House As Body - The House Is Us.