Have you ever been in situations where you simply run out of things to say or subjects to talk about or completely tune out and have no idea what’s going on?

There’s nothing wrong with silence or quiet moments. But after what seems like a very long time without any words, the pause simply becomes awkward and uncomfortable.

I’m usually not at a loss for words – I can always ask questions and make comments. But every so often, whether it’s a “live” connection or by phone, there’s that lull in conversation that just becomes unbearable . . .

Why are these awkward pauses so difficult for us?

According to the article in Yahoo Health, it happens to everyone: We’re in the middle of a conversation and suddenly … there’s an awkward pause. Maybe we don’t know what to say or were trying to figure out how to phrase our next thought. Whatever the reason, it can be really unpleasant and embarrassing. 

According to psychologist Namkje Koudenburg, PhD, who has conducted research on awkward silences, a flowing conversation makes us feel like we’re on the same wavelength with the people around us and gives us a sense of belonging.

“A brief silence can suddenly disrupt this flow, and raise all kinds of questions about the underlying relationships,” she tells Yahoo Health.

Koudenburg’s research shows that people usually feel rejected and anxious when the conversation suddenly stops, even with a pause as short as four seconds.

Also worth noting: One of Koudenburg’s studies found that people were more likely to report feelings of lower self-esteem after watching a video that contained an awkward pause, even though they weren’t actively part of the conversation.  

According to another psychologist, Simon Rego, director of psychology training at New York’s Montefiore Medical Center, the way a lull in the conversation is interpreted is typically all in our minds.

“What one person may view as an awkward pause, another may view as meaningful silence,” he says in the article. That’s especially true with couples or friends, he notes, because both people feel less pressure to keep the conversation going than if they were chatting with someone they’d just met.

According to Koudenburg, the interpretation can also depend on the different levels of power of the people who are talking, like an employee and boss.

A brief pause in a conversation after someone who is seen as less powerful (the employee) is more likely to be interpreted as a rejection than when a similar pause happens after someone more powerful (the boss) has spoken. That kind of pause can actually be interpreted as appropriate or even respectful.

It also appears that lulls in the conversation seem to be awkward in most cultures. A study in a psychology journal comparing the perception of conversational silences in non-western and western cultures found that people in Japan were even more uncomfortable with silence than Americans, especially when talking to strangers. 

We’re advised, however, that while silences can be awkward, we shouldn’t scramble to fill them when they occur.

“They are a normal part of conversations, so sometimes it’s OK to just sit in the silence for a moment and reflect — either about what was just said or about what to say next, if anything,” Simon Rego, the director of psychology quoted above, says.

If that’s too difficult for us, then psychologist Joseph Sanok recommends acknowledging the pause and moving on with something like, “Sorry, I was really thinking through your question,” or “Hmm, let me give it some thought.”

If you were the last person who spoke, he suggests saying, “So, to elaborate on that thought…” or even a simple, “What do you think?” to show that you’re still invested in talking.

The article sums up by saying that at the very least, we can rest assured that awkward silences happen to everyone.

So the next time I’m involved in a conversation and things suddenly get very quiet, I’ll just say what is often the case for me personally: 

“I’m sorry, I have so much on mind and I was so distracted that I simply didn’t hear what you were saying and don’t have the slightest idea how to continue our conversation right at this moment.”

Awkward? Yes! Diplomatic? Not really. Honest? You bet!