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I must have missed the memo regarding online etiquette.

Recently I've been thinking about the Internet and how fascinating it really is. We live in such an "information now" society. E Computer verything we want to know and need to know is right there at our fingertips.... LITERALLY!

In addition to the "need & want to know" stuff on the web, the biggest things that I see happening is people using the web as a major source of socialization. Maybe it's entertainment?? This really fascinates me because I'm a very social person by nature. I love getting to know people. I'm inquisitive, and LOVE making new friends. I'd be a perfect person to really jump on that bandwagon. A few months ago, I would say that I was on that bandwagon.... Blogging away!

What I've struggled with is how one-dimensional the Internet feels to me. So I have to assume that to many of you out there, you feel the same. I find myself thinking about the people I interact with online as almost characters in a sitcom.... Well, sometimes a drama! I forget that these are people, with real lives that choose to share their experiences, thoughts and ideas on the web. They're "putting it out there". Make no mistake; I love the friends that I've made on the web.

Think about it. Your "cyber neighborhood" is made up of things that are of interest to you and the places you visit on the web. You can socialize with all sorts of sometime nameless, oftentimes faceless, people around the world. It started with chatrooms and now with the advent of web2.0 you can interact with almost anyone!

What is so interesting to me at this point is the lack of courtesy we pay people on the web. We think that if no one is looking, we can get away with all sorts of stuff. It's true!

To me, it seems that many of our social graces go right out the window when we are online. People say mean things to one another. In the end, they end up hurting each other. That makes me sad.

I'm guilty of another type of poor Internet etiquette. I read people's blogs and never remark. To me that's almost as bad as not responding when someone say's "hello"! I hate it when I look at my personal blog http://www.destination48009.com/ and see that no one has looked at it or taken the time to say "hello".

I forget to stop by my friend's blogs and let them know that I'm thinking of them... again, it's as if I forgot to pick up the phone for a long time! I know better and I would NEVER act this way in the "real world". I care too much about people to behave like that. So to those of you I have neglected, again, I'm sorry. I may never be a great blogger, but I can be a great friend!

The rules of engagement are changing. The way we socialize is changing. It's exhausting... but if you want to participate in this new form of communication, you have to learn the rules and play by them. AND at the end of the day REALIZE that there are real live people out there looking for interaction. The responsibility falls on each of us to behave ourselves and act appropriately.

Hey! Maybe someday, I can become the Emily Post of the Internet.

Posted by Sara Lipnitz on 02/21/2007 12:39 AM

Comments (37)

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37 Comments on I must have missed the memo regarding online etiquette.

FEB

2007

Hi Sara, you always have thoughtful posts, so it's wonderful to see you again. We all get busy but I get your point on the post lol. I find it hard to comment only when I think I have nothing to add. So not ever sure if 'hi how are you, ' or 'thanks for posting' is sufficient. LOL

Sara,

What a wonderful post! Wow, did you hit the nail on the head. I think we are all guilty of reading many posts and not commenting, I certainly am. There are so many times that you appreciate what has been written, have read the comments and just have nothing further to add and don't want to leave a goofy little message. Congrats on the featured, this post deserved it.

Laurie

very nice post. If you respond to other peoples blogs you will see more of them going to yours.

I liked your observation: "...I read people's blogs and never remark. To me that's almost as bad as not responding when someone say's "hello"!"

I think that's true. I try to write something on as many posts as possible, although many times I don't feel I have anything to add that has not been said before so I don't comment. This is especially true for posts that already have many comments before I have found the post. I am more apt to comment when there are fewer comments before me.

So...Hello Sara!

Sara: As we often blatantly ask our readers to comment, if only to say “hello” and maybe enjoy a “virtual mug” of coffee on our back porch or at our cyber-café—I certainly should never lurk, read & run off elsewhere (there are others who complain about those they feel are commenting-for-points and have nothing to add to the conversation). We not only try to visit the posts of others & comment, if only to say hello, we try very hard & usually succeed in personally answering each and every comment to our posts—as a matter of courtesy.

Jay

It runs the gamut here from people like the Codgers who blatantly ask for comments to YoChicago Joe who did not want comments..chastised people for leaving comments.

I can't comment on all I read here or out on the web.

In January an Active Rainer sent me six emails about a comment I left on his blog. After the second email I removed the comment but still got four more looooooong emails from the Active Rainer. Six emails in a day, about an Active Rain comment? That's harassment. He also had a problem with a comment I left on Maureen Francis blog... he wanted to know what it meant, I deleted that comment as well after the second email.

Good to see you here.

Another very nice Active Rainer has called me twice about comments. Who has time to answer emails and take phone calls about Active Rain comments?

Sara ~ I think sometimes people don't comment because they just don't have anything valuable to add. Others comment when they just don't have anything valuable to add.

Which is worse?

I think it was be great if we could follow posts without commenting. Be able to check the box, add the graphic and watch and read. Sometimes a rather average post, when followed turns into a real opportunity to learn, grow and interact with other members. Sometimes we can't comment at the time just because of time and we mean to get back to it, but it ends up lost in the woods.

Isn't that what bookmark is for Chris? I have not really used it that way...

Yeah, unless your bookmark don't get looked at. I guess for clarity what I meant was, It would be nice to have updates in email. I read my mail while I'm at red lights or waiting for appointments.

Welcome back, Lippy. A gold star after months away is a very nice "hello".

Sara, I liked your post. I, whether online or not, try to mind my manners. These ARE real people as you point out.

As for the commenting, what can I add that hasn't been said above?

Ok... Here we go:

:-)

Now I see what you are saying Chris...

Leave a small pointless (and I mean pointless in oh so many ways) comment...of course then some would worry about your comment, whether you got points or not, whether you are wasting their time with the small pointless comment and filling up THEIR mailbox... whether it added anything...

I agree with Chris"I think it was be great if we could follow posts without commenting."

Perhaps people don't always post because they are running in a thousand directions? I know that's the way with me--I tend to be hot or cold here, just depends on how busy or tired I am. Loved your post.

I awoke to quite a BIG surprise this morning... That elusive gold star! I'm not sure what to make of that.

To all of you who have taken the time to say "hello".... thanks. It's nice & to tell you the truth, I have the warm fuzzies now. So thank you! What a way to wake up.

A few thoughts... (I feel like Jerry Springer with his "final thoughts")

My thought is that yes sometimes, maybe most of the time, we can't take the time to add anything of value to the post. Sometimes everything that can and should be said has... been said! I think that the answer falls into the "everything in moderation" category. I love what KK had to say about this!

I guess what really resonated with me and inspired the post in the first place was the lack of social graces we show one another.... and again, I admit to neglecting my friends. For a community to be a community, we need some diversity and that comes from differences of opinions. Where it gets lost is when those differences turn nasty. AND may I remind you, if we all acknowledge that we read and fail to comment, then it is safe to say that our customers also read our remarks and fail.... fail to call us ever again!

So I gather that you all feel that just smiling at someone or making them laugh is pointless?

Well, I must say that's just plain sad. Being social includes making people feel good. But hey, what the heck do I know? I'm so very busy making people smile and laugh that I believe I have missed the real point in this comment thread.

Here, have another pointless smile :)

Oh! By the way I do get points for making people smile and laugh. So do a lot of other people.

Sara...It's good to see you again.

TLW...ROAR!

I would comment but it may not be proper.

A breath of fresh air and a worthy gold star! Sara, funny you should mention "Jerry Springer." You've missed the similarities!

Good morning Sara,

What a pleasant suprise to see your smiling face and to read your post.

I think a lot of people missed the memo on etiquette not only online but in real life. Hope all is well with you and have a great day.

Your online friend,

Sara - You are always such a class act. And your blog reminds me of the movie The Net. Because the character isolated herself she got into trouble. It's only with that human contact that we remain human.

Just left you a message on your cell because I was not going to comment. But then I realized that you are swamped taking phone calls,listing and selling.

You might want to take a look at You Can't Take It Back

Congratulations on a well deserved featured post!

Great reminder. I basically just wanted to say Hi :) Thanks for a great post!

A really well done, thoughtful post, Sara. I think you raise some good points about on-line communication. It certainly makes it easier to be less concerned about being polite or on how to say what we really mean, since you are not face to face. I suspect many would not comment as they do if they were talking on the phone or in person. But I may be wrong here.

Being concerned about etiquette is always important, but I think we so easily forget in our busy on-line lives. Thanks for another reminder.

I know I sometimes don't comment because I don't have a particular thing to say, and some folks criticize commenters who don't add any substance other than "good job" or "I enjoyed this." So perhaps we are our own worst enemies?

Thanks again.

Jeff

This is so true. I often read blogs myself and even though there are points rewarded for leaving a comment I often feel I do not have the time to make a worth-wile comment so I just don't.

Hello Sara and welcome back from your leave of absence. Nice post, you received a gold star too! I don't know why people seem so rude sometimes. Your post does bring up a big problem to light.

Sara,

I am guilty of not leaving comments many times. When I first joined, I specifically made an effort to comment on as much as humanly possible. Now I no longer have the time and with so many members, it's not even humanly possible. Unless I did this full time, which is not going to happen! Plus, I have still been trying to spend time with new members, so I don't get around to reading the regulars, like yourself, even though you take breaks now and then.

Sometimes everything has just been said and sometimes beaten to death, so by the time one gets to a post, there certainly is nothing left to say. I don't feel that not leaving a comment is as rude as some of the "comments" that I have seen. Another thing, when we are reading a post, like this one, and then read all the comments, we sometimes see another blog on the subject, ie Margaret Rome above, which we then take off to. I had to remind myself to read to the end of these comments and make a comment:) Now I can go back and check out that other blog. Congrats on your star!

Sara,

Great insight....you can see your personality and emotional side within your post, and that is good

Dick Beals

Sara,

Glad to see you back and blogging about it!

All good points you made here, I tend to be a "lurker" since I don't generally comment unless I have something worthwhile to say.

As you can see from what I wrote here, I just wanted to check in and say "hello"

Where have you been, Sarah?! It's great to "see" you again!

I must admit that I didn't mind my online manners a few weeks ago. I "stopped by" your place (new blog) online and saw that you were just getting things going. I should've said hello, but I guess I felt that's all I had to say. Either way, I should have at least "stuck my head in" to see how you were doing. I apologize and hope that you won't hold it against me. ;-) I promise to visit again really soon, and this time, I'll even say hello!

It's good to see your face again on the dashboard! I hope you won't let the heathens among us (as my grandma would say) keep you from staying around. ;-)

This is a great post, and an inspiration. Common courtesy is being lost, online, on the phone and in person. Thanks again for the great post.

Very thoughtful Sara - and nice to see you here, I've heard so much about you! The whole Internet experience can be a little surreal - wouldn't it be great if we could be as picky about our friends in real life? On the web, if you don't want to see a certain someone, you don't read their post...pretty simple. My rule...if I read a post, I comment. But I am guilty of not going outside the RAIN to read posts and say hello. Thanks for planting the seed....it has made me think.

Ines

Hi Sara, Always good to see your smiling face. You don't have to comment on my post, I know you're there. I'm just happy to see you posting.

FEB

2007

On this particular post I wouldn't dare read and not leave a post... :)

Good job.

MAR

2007

Great Post!

I try to schedule at least one night a week and one weekend day or night to visit other blogs and comment. It holds many Benefits and with a schedule it is possible to gather the benefits and not be rude all the same time. Keep up the Great Work!

JUL

2007

Sarah, thanks for the heads up. Yes, I forget a LOT of times to comment when I read through a blog. Maybe I feel like I will say the wrong thing to someone that doesn't know my personality. But then again, how will they get to know my personality if I don't speak!

Great thing to think about.

Lexa Montierth

JUL

2007

Lexa,

Another way of having "good online manners" is to thank a person (like yourself) when they post something as nice as you did! So thank you!

Sara

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