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Arguing Will Get You Nowhere! Try this instead...

By
Education & Training with Sell with Soul

Thanks so much for all your responses yesterday to my blog entitled "Does arguing with clients sound like a good idea?"

As promised, here's my take.

Our clients are intelligent human beings, capable of making their own decisions. Okay, so maybe some might be more capable than others, but all deserve our respect that they have thought thru their situation (after all, they have more at stake than we do) and reached a decision they feel works for them. That's the first step - to SHOW our clients that we respect their intelligence and their right to make their own decisions. When you immediately "argue" with your client's point of view or decision, this sends the opposite message.

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't have an opinion or be allowed to voice one. BUT, if you don't want to be accused of being argumentative, you need to take a different approach from simply saying "Are you sure you want to do that?" or "I really don't advise that" or "I don't think that's a good idea." Say something like that to ME, after I've given MY personal situation some thought and y'know what? I'll dig in my heels and commit even stronger to my position.

You know what else? I think I'm a pretty smart cookie. I'll bet you do, too. In fact, I'll bet most of the people on the planet have a healthy respect for their own intelligence. Argue with me and guess what? I might think you aren't quite as smart as I thought you were - after all - you're arguing with ME and I think I'm right. What does that make you? Wrong... and kinda dumb. "Poor thing, you just don't get it," thinks me.

So, what's the solution? Ah, GLAD YOU ASKED. Because that's part of the solution. Wait for your client to ASK for your opinion or advice. Once they do, they'll actually listen to it. If they don't ask, they truly don't care and any advice you give that is counter to their opinion will be discounted anyway. They're the boss, after all, and if they want to kill their deal, it's their choice. And it IS their choice (not yours)!!!

If you show respect for your client's position and don't argue with it, they probably will, at some point, ask you for your thoughts. At that point, you can give it, respectfully, all the while KEEPING YOUR PAYCHECK out of the conversation or your thoughts.

So, let's take the scenarios presented in yesterday's blog and see how you can respond without arguing:

Scenario #1: Your buyer wants to look for a home in a less desirable neighborhood so she can get more square footage. This is a no-brainer. Show her the houses. Let her do her own soul-searching. YOU can't predict the future anyway, so who knows? Maybe it'll turn out to be a great financial decision, maybe not, but there is NO room for argument here. Last time I checked, adult human beings have the right to live where ever they want, without getting permission from their real estate agent.

Scenario #2: Your seller is offended by a low-ball offer and wants to reject it outright. Obviously, we want the seller to counter any offer he receives, but first, we need to show support and be offended right along with him. He's probably expecting you to argue with him and is steeled for it, so by not arguing right off the bat, he'll relax. Once he does (if he doesn't, you might need to let him sleep on it and re-group the next day), you could offer to draft up an equally ridiculous counterproposal  (full price, 21 day close, whatever) and see if he's open to that. Then maybe you can encourage him to give a little bit so the buyer doesn't feel like a total putz. But again, if he wants your advice, he'll ask for it. If he doesn't ask, he doesn't want it, won't listen to it and will just be annoyed by it.

Scenario #3: Your seller accuses you of underpricing her home when it sells on Day One. Okay, let's imagine what's happening in her life. She's telling all her friends that her house sold in 24 hours and are they congratulating her? Nope. They're telling her that her idiot Realtor underpriced the home. Yipes. Do you defend yourself? This is a tough one because every bone in your body is screaming to. But be careful. Your seller is expecting you to be defensive, so don't be! Agree that the home might have been under market. Congratulate her for having such a nice property and working so hard to get it ready for market. Leave YOUR efforts out of it. If you schmooze her, she'll return the favor. Argue with her and she'll argue back. No fun.

Scenario #4: Your buyer decides to buy a townhouse, but you know that a single family home is a better investment. Another no-brainer. If she's concerned about investment, she'll let you know and you can share your thoughts. But show her the respect she deserves and let her make her own housing decision.

We are in a business where egos and emotions are involved in almost every decision. Acknowledge it, work with it, use it to your advantage. And... GET WHAT YOU WANT!

 

sws www.sellwithsoul.com

 

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Comments(20)

Joshua & Kathy Schmidt
ERA Henley Real Estate - Cabot, AR
I agree with you on all scenarios, but on scenario 2 I usually only jokingly suggest an equally ridiculous counter.  I have had clients that want to, but advise them we have a fish on the line, lets at least try to reel it in.
Apr 23, 2008 06:05 AM
Bryant Tutas
Tutas Towne Realty, Inc and Garden Views Realty, LLC - Winter Garden, FL
Selling Florida one home at a time
Jennifer, OK I'm one of those "arguing" REALTORS(R) but.......I'm an expert at disarming and persuasion. I agree completely that we have to let folks have their say and get their emotions out of the way before we can be successful with "arguing". So I agree we should NOT argue but we should certainly "argue" if it is in our customer/clients best interest to do so. It's all about the presentation.
Apr 23, 2008 09:05 AM
Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn
Sell with Soul - Pensacola Beach, FL
Author of Sell with Soul

BB - I suspect you are in the minority of agents who can pull it off without offending the client! But most of the advice I see out there for "overcoming objections" and such makes my skin crawl!!!

Joshua - the reason I start with the concept of the ridiculous counter is to get the seller to the table discussing even DOING a counter. Once he's there, he'll usually give a little...

Apr 23, 2008 09:16 AM
Greg Knowles Santa Barbara Ca.
Fidelity National Title Group-Santa Barbara - Santa Barbara, CA
It's funny, my clients are realtors. So you are giving me advice on how to handle them. Maybe it's only humorous to me. Thanks for the advice and I agree with your thoughts.
Apr 23, 2008 10:14 AM
Christopher Watters
Watters International Realty - Austin, TX
Austin Realtor (512-829-8000)
Great post! I love reading your blogs btw!
Apr 23, 2008 04:38 PM
Harold "Hal" Place
A1 Connection Realty, Inc. - Sun City Center, FL

Morning Jeniffer,

I have to disagree with you on all points.

Not that I have your attention, grin, you sure do have your "Stuff" together! I always enjoy reading your post.

Thanks for taking the time.

Hal

 

Apr 23, 2008 11:35 PM
Karen Hurst
RICOASTALLIVING.COM - Warwick, RI
Rhode Island Waterfront!

I think some of the best advice, including this post ,is telling Realtors to "keep our mouths shut":)  I am not a chit chat type person, yet I still find it difficult to not voice my opinion. By voicing our opinion, we are "assuming" that our client will agree and they may or may not. I do feel, that in circumstances of possible problems with homes, ie structure, airports, water, etc, we should be vocal. I like to call that being "upfront".

Your points are all what I would consider "negotiating".

As for selling a listing in 24hours, I did one of those and I was very proud of my accurate pricing! Sure it could have stayed on the market for months if we had priced it differently, but that is something that needs to be discussed with the Sellers at the listing appt. As it happened, the market turned almost overnight and they would have missed that opportunity!

Apr 24, 2008 03:03 AM
Debbie Hodrick, PMP
Crystal Coast - Salt Lake City, UT
I'm not big on arguing. Who am I to be RIGHT??? I do like to listen. It is fun to listen to our clients and watch them come to the same conclusions that we would have..just by listening. Thanks for the post. My favorite thing about them is that they are true to life.
Apr 24, 2008 03:39 AM
Brad Taylor, REALTOR® for Toledo, Ohio
DiSalle Real Estate Co. - Toledo, OH
As alway you add great content to Active Rain.  Thanks for the post.
Apr 24, 2008 04:21 AM
Kelly Bovi, Charlotte Area Real Estate
NavMak Enterprises, LLC - Charlotte, NC
Another great post! So true, what do we gain by arguing with our clients?
Apr 24, 2008 05:17 AM
Susan Haughton
Long and Foster REALTORS (703) 470-4545 - Alexandria, VA
Susan & Mindy Team...Honesty. Integrity. Results.

As usual, you got it just right.  Wow, what a liberating approach for us, too. ;-) 

Apr 24, 2008 01:20 PM
Mara Hawks
First Realty Auburn - Auburn, AL
Inactive-2012 REALTOR - Homes for Sale Auburn Real Estate, AL
I love your approach, and always enjoy stopping by. thank you!
Apr 24, 2008 03:00 PM
Denise OnullDell
Santa Clarita Mobile Notary - Santa Clarita, CA
Mobile Notary Public/Real Estate Agent

Thanks Jennifer ~ I learned a lot from your post that I happened to come across, and will look forward to future ones!

Denise O'Dell

Apr 25, 2008 10:05 PM
David Saks
Memphis, TN
Broker / Industry Analyst

                                                     chocolate

Nice post, Jennifer. Really targets the psychology of our profession. I like that. Money is also involved in almost every decision. Money has strange way of making people do weird things and make unrealisitic decisions sometimes. Smile and have a piece of chocolate later. Makes me feel better and I can move on to the next unrealistic client in the queue.

Apr 25, 2008 10:21 PM
Debra Kukulski, Broker Associate
RE/MAX Suburban - Cary, IL
SRES;SFR,CDPE;GRI;ABR;e-PRO Realtor, Northern IL
Jennifer, I really like the points you make in this article.  I will be stopping by again:-)
Apr 27, 2008 11:05 PM
Gita Bantwal
RE/MAX Centre Realtors - Warwick, PA
REALTOR,ABR,CRS,SRES,GRI - Bucks County & Philadel
Good post. In Sceneario # 1  We can not choose the neighborhood for clients anyway. We show them properties based on their price range and the townships they want to consider. It can be a waste of time for us when we know they will not like the house but if they say thye want to see it we end up showing it.
May 01, 2008 01:53 AM
Utah Dave
UtahDave.com Neighborhood Experts - South Jordan, UT
Homes for Sale - Utah
Great post.  THe other part of waiting for them to ask you is to validate them.  That way they know you understand what they are feeling.  Than when they ask...they really listen.
May 01, 2008 01:00 PM
Keith McMullin
Port Aransas Realty - Port Aransas, TX
Port Aransas Real Estate

Jennifer,

Your scenario #2 point is right on the money.  Great info...thanks

keith

May 07, 2008 03:18 AM
Lynn Johnson
Coldwell Banker Home Connection - Owatonna, MN
Owatonna, MN Real Estate

Jennifer - Thanks for sharing your insights - they're quite helpful.  As difficult as it can be in some cases, it's important to remain "on the same side" as our client - and sometimes it means playing the devil's advocate to let them know of potential outcomes.  Providing market data (factual and neutral) is also a good way to help them make a well informed decision. 

Like you mentioned, it's important to keep opinions to ourselves unless asked, but I agree with BB in that we sometimes have to save them from themselves during negotiations by keeping their best interests and the big picture in mind.

May 12, 2008 09:31 AM
Anonymous
Bonnie Slothower

Jennifer- you are right on!  When I think how quickly I recently judged

a representative for a service when she offered her"never ever" opinion

without my asking for it. At that point it doesn't matter how much she knew about her field.

She could be right but that is not the point.  I, the client, need time to come to the same decision.

The heavy-handed and the arguing doesn't get it.

Apr 22, 2009 10:12 AM
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