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Letters from Jessica

The cell phone vibrated, jolting my mind from its current preoccupation. We were in the car, riding the ferry over to Seattle, another doctor visit for my daughter.

I looked down at the display. 'Unknown' stared back at me. I really didn't feel like talking to anyone at the moment, especially to an 'unknown.' I waited briefly for the vibration to subside, and the quick chirping tone confirmed a message was left.

I punched the button for 'voice mail' and traveled back 3 years.

John and Jessica were a young couple very much in love. He was Navy and had recently been transferred to a boat at Bangor Subase. They wanted to make the Kitsap Peninsula home. That's where I came in. I had the good fortune of of being on floor the day they walked into our office.

I liked them immediately. Jessica was bright, full of laughter and life. John played the serious one. They had some specific needs for a home. Jess had Cystic Fibrosis and required close proximity to doctors, hospitals, and regular physical therapy. We found a great house together and we had a blast doing it!

Jessica continued to stay in touch with me. Her letters and notes offering glimpses into their lives together. They also described the challenges and battles of her degenerative illness.

"Rich, this is John." The familiar voice was shaky, wavering. "Jessica died last night."

The air was sucked out of my lungs, like being punched in the stomach. No matter how much you know something is eventually coming, it never makes the reality any easier.

I drove to their house later that night. The house we had all bought together. I sat with John and listened to him tenderly relive Jessica's final moments. And I cried.

Early this morning, as I prepared for a regional training event, I found the last letter from Jessica. It was a Christmas card.

She wrote: "I was in the hospital for about a month, but I'm back home now. They put a tube into my stomach, but I'm still losing weight. I'm 82 pounds now, but I'm working on it! I need to get to 115 to be considered for a lung transplant. I can't really leave the house, but maybe you and your family can come over for dinner sometime, once the hectic holiday season is over? Have a great New Year! - Jessica -

I wish so desperately now that I had taken the time to stop by, to see her, to be there for her and John. But I allowed other things in life to get in the way.

I'll be there for John. But somehow, my concern seems ingenuous, cheap. It's a tough, painful lesson to learn.

Posted by Rich Jacobson Your Kitsap County WA Real Estate Agent on 02/22/2007 01:35 AM

Comments (43)

death, mourning, tough lessons, friendship

43 Comments on Letters from Jessica

FEB

2007

That is a terrible situation. I am sure he was so happy you came over. Many of our customers are much more than that they become friends.

I always strive to make friend's with each and every Client I have. With most I think I'm successful then there are a few that just never develop. However you accomplished a true impression on these folks that allowed a precious friendship to exist. Although John's loss is far greater I want to express my sincere sympathy to you for the loss of one of your friends! Perhaps what will become of this is that you and John will bond even more. Thanks for sharing your grief, and God bless!

John, what a moving story. I know you feel ingenuous and cheap but Jessica and the good guy above knows exactly how you feel. When you reach out to this family they will fully understand how genuine you really are. Please do not hesitate and reach out immediately. Tell them how you feel and they will understand. WOW! For whatever its worth please pass my sympathies also! Its obvious to me that you are a very decent human being!

I'm sorry for your loss. Our customers become family. So very often we loose them and have to work our way throught the sadness, too.

Rich...

I've had a similar thing happen to me, it's an abrupt wake up call isn't it. I kept saying I wish I'd of been a better friend and called more.

Sorry for your loss.

There is nothing that is ingenuous or cheap about anything that you have written or that you are feeling. Our clients become our family, that is one of the greatest aspects of our careers. Like you said, you cannot prepare for a call like that no matter how hard you try. You have been a good friend to them or you wouldn't have gotten the call at all. Those clients and God know you care and you will be rewarded for that. Take care.

Your post is a bittersweet reminder about how precious friends and family are. Your post is very touching.

Ouch. It happens to all of us and no matter how many posts I read like this I know I will do this to someone and ultimately to myself.

You pain is not disengenuous it is real and true. Like the rest of us life takes over and we put htings off until it is too late.

I am truly sorry.

Rich - I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. Don't feel fake or cheap - who did John reach out to? YOU, you because of you - a kind and caring friend. Be there for him, share his grief and heartache. You clearly meant a tremendous amount to both of them. Hang on to that, and be there for John. People in grief rarely pick up the phone to reach out to others - it's too hard and painful. He reached out to you, which speaks volumes about how he feels about you. So, please make sure to continue to call him and stop by to see him - he needs that, and you probably do, too.

AnnCummings.com

Rich, As I start out my day, coming here, reading the posts I cannot help but let you know you and this family will be in my thoughts and prayers today. What a wonderful post. I want to thank you for sharing this with us here. Take care my friend, God is good and He seems to have His ways of taking the pain away. It is all about Him, and you proved this today with your post. As I said I can't thank you enough for sharing what God placed on your heart, this was very personal on your part.

Rich, As tears are sitting on my cheek I want to say this-

You were a friend, and that is the prize here. God intended for you to be the one on duty when they walked thru the door. The three of you knew her illness was a cruel one.Your kind heart and friendship will meant more than you will ever know..it shows because John called You to get thru this.

Receiving that Christmas Card two months ago from Jessica was her way of telling you she cared about you. She wouldnt have sent it if she didnt think the feeling was mutual. John needs you now and for him to call you for a shoulder and strength tells us all he sees you as a professional that has his and Jessicas best interest at heart and that is so very heart warming.

Rich - That was truly a sad and touching story. I am so sorry for your loss and whenever there is a loss of a young vibrant person who was truly loved by many - makes you feel even more of a loss. There are no words.. ever. I am sorry.

Obviously, Rich, you were there for them more than you know. He called you the very next day to tell you, at a time when he was completely distraught. You should feel good about yourself for being there for them all this time, not cheap. You must have had an impact on her for him to know to call you right away.

Rich ~ It's not easy losing someone. Sadder still to lose someone so young. I'm sorry for your loss, I wish I could do something to make you feel better. It is a helpless feeling.

We are blessed to be in a business where we touch so many lives. You obviously made a wonderful impression on Jessica and John. I am so sorry for you loss.

I can only reiterate what everyone else has said. Having lost a loved one (a best friend of 35+ years), I can say that the fact that you were one he called the very next day speaks volumes about how he perceived the relationship, and you have nothing to feel bad about on that count.

The first two blogs I've read this morning on Active Rain were about relationships. Isn't that really what it's all about, at core, the people whose lives we touch, and who touch ours, in this business?

Yes. We do often become close friends with client/folks, They let us know when they have a child, when they get married, when they lose someone close. I have developed real friendships with buyers that have lasted for years. It breaks your heart to hear about such tragety. Where do we meet friends? We meet them at work, at church, at parties, on vacation and when they are looking for a home. These folks thought of you as a friend.

Folks don't understand why we often become such close friends with former buyers. It's because we help them find their HOME. Home is so important. I write about real estate as an investment regularly, but it's HOMEs that I am helping my buyers find.

Good Morning, Everyone. Please forgive me if I don't respond to each of you individually as I normally do. I very much appreciate your kind and encouraging thoughts.

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda. Our own lives should never become so busy that we can't take the time to spend a meaningful moment with someone in need. To the best of my ability, I will not allow this to happen again.

Rich, thank you for such a touching story. It really hit home.

Wow...that is a wonderful reminder how how precious life is, and how important it is for me to enjoy the journey with those in my life, rather than allow myself to get caught up in the daily grind. Thank you for such a heartfelt post

Rich,

Thank you for sharing your story with everyone here on AR. We are all with you in thought and understanding. It's so difficult to separate the business from the personal aspects of this thing we do. Heart and Home are so closely connected. This young couple obviously found you to be a source of comfort much like many of us here on the Rain do. You're a dear and caring person and we who have read your post are all standing with you in your sadness. No words can express the gravity of something so devistating. Our prayers are with Jessica and John and their family as well as with you, Rich.

Rich, this post brought a coupe people to mind that I should call on. Thanks

I'm so sorry to hear of your Rich. What can anyone say at a time like this?

You can't change what happened, or what you didn't do, or wished you had done. Your concern for John is not cheap nor disingenuous. Life sometimes gets in the way. What is most important is your wsh to be there for him now. These kinds of experiences are, indeed, painful, and we all at times don't do the things we know we should. We can only strive to do better, and more forward. It is a good reminder of the value of life, friendships and family.

Jeff

Rich...

Don't beat yerself up, man...... Stay a buddy AND help John thorugh this...who CARES if you don't get a paycheck from it.....

Paychecks are paid in different ways in this life, Rich..... friendship itself is a paycheck a LOT of people do not think too highly of...and they should!!

=-D =-D

I'm sorry for your loss Rich. Don't be too hard on yourself. But you gave me a nudge - I can do better.

Rich, I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks for the gentle reminder. It reminded me of that song by Mike and the Mechanics that always makes me cry. You were obviously very dear to them. I pray you will find comfort in that knowledge.

Rich, sorry for your lost. It is only natural that we form real relationships with our clients; and when something like this happens it really hurts.

So sorry to hear about your loss. It is true that we become very close to many of our clients. We share their dreams, the birth of their children - the loss of a parent and unfortunately, the loss of a past client. I actually had a client pass away during the searh for a home -- it is like all things in life -- when we get close to clients we experience both the highs and the lows - I am sure that you will offer a great deal of comfort.

I am so sorry to hear about Jessica Rich, although I never met her, got a little glimpse of her life through your eyes, thank you for sharing and please tell John that he will be in our prayers.

Rich, no matter how you feel, it is evident that you were an important person in their lives even if you did not keep as close a contact or responded differently. John would not have made you one of those phone calls in his time of loss if you were not someone that he wanted to share this time with and have close to him. I am sure that he did not find anything ingenuous, or cheap in the time that you spent with him. You my friend did the right thing and I am sure that the tears that the two of you cried together will be something that he will always value.

Rich

Great post and thanks for sharing. It is just another reminder especially for someone like myself who is a professional procrastinator not to put off things.. better time management... life is sweet and life is short... take nothing for granted

Desiree www.TriCountyHomes4Sale.com

FEB

2007

Heavy, heavy post, Rich. Jessica would not want you feeling bad. It was apparent from her last letter to you that she lived life to its fullest as long as she was able. She would want you to do the same. The real measure of your words of regret will be in how you follow up with John. Everyone gathers around at the funeral time, but who will be there in 3 months when others have forgotten and he's really alone? Put him on your calendar and check in regularly. He will need your support more later than right now when others are gathered around him.

MAR

2007

Rich,

This is a powerful post written with profound depth and honesty. We wanted you to know that we have included this entry in Our Suggested Reading Guide for the Fraiche Aire RendeVous in Black & White. Thank you.

MAR

2007

Ah, Rich. Thanks for sharing. I recently had a similar situation. Clients I like very much who relocated here less than 2 years ago. He fell ill just before Christmas, a short terrible illness then passed away in February just 8 days before his birthday. His wife wrote group e-mail updates almost daily, as a kind of therapy - very eloquent. I kept meaning to to see him, didn't want to interrupt family visits, too many distractions that no longer seem important, etc. I've been filled with disappointment and regret.

He wasn't as young as Jessica, but it still seems cruel.

It helps a bit to know that others have made this same mistake, I guess we're only human. It's a real lesson in priorities and missed opportunities, but we can use this as a turning point to move forward from, and perhaps still make a contribution in caring for those they've left behind.

Jessica sounds like a lovely person, and she will clearly be missed.

MAR

2007

Rich,

I am sorry for the recent loss of your client and friend. It was wonderful that you were there for the husband, a listening ear is so special. This is a part of our career that is difficult and yet also the part that makes it worthwhile. People...caring, sharing and living life together! Blessings to you and all those that really, truly care more about the human aspect than the dollar!

MAY

2007

I loved that story! Very heartfelt and sure hits home. (my dad died from lung cancer 3 yrs. ago....I just quit smoking Jan. 13). Client's do make an impression on our lives...

We spend so much time with our clients that they do often become friends. This post is very touching and reminds me that we never know what tomorrow may bring- cherish today and those who brighten our lives.

NOV

2008

Okay I vote re-blog this! What a message on tomorrow's never come. I've started last week to try to only worry about what I can handle in a day as yesterday's are gone and tomorrow's path may change before I get there. GBU!

Oh my. This made me cry. Our clients do become family, don't they? We all know life is short. We have constant reminders in our lives surrounding us at all times. Why oh why do we keep this knowledge in the back of our minds? I've been putting off SO many things when it comes to my friends. Tomorrow, I"m calling each and everyone to let them know how much they mean to me.

I too, hit the ignore button far too often. I get so "sucked" into life, when what really is important to me are my relationships. Perfect reminder for all of us, especially during the Holiday season.

NOV

2008

Sometimes there's just not as much time as we think there will be. I fight the battle of enough time for everything and try to remember that my family and friends need and deserve priority.

Rich, this is so well written and very moving and also tells me so much about you as a person. You really are remarkable and it's an honor to know you!

NOV

2008

Wow, Rich. The tears are flowing. Thank you for sharing this.

Rich~ I have lost a few of my clients too. It is very sad. They do become our friends and it is tough to deal with the loss even if you know it is coming. There really is no way to prepare for it. The best thing is like you said, Taking the time out and NOT allowing "Life to get in the way" and to visit and spend time with our friends and family is so important. It is a lesson that life really is too short and we never get "time" back.........It kind of reminds me of the book "Tuesdays with Morrie"............. Vickie McCartney

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