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How NOT to attract expired listings

By
Services for Real Estate Pros with Marte Cliff Copywriting

How not to attract expired listings

After the listing expired on my son's duplex a couple of weeks ago, he got one postcard. As I may have mentioned before, folks around here don't do much prospecting.

Here is what that postcard said:failure stamp

"We noticed that your property was listed for sale and that listing has recently expired, if you are still interested in selling your property we would love the opportunity to work with you and get that property SOLD give us a call and we can start the process.
Thanks!"

I have copied the punctuation exactly as it appeared on the card. In other words, all 48 words were in one run-on sentence. Even typing it I wanted to stop and take a breath!

So, poor (no, horrible) grammar is mistake #1. In this case, it's so bad that it makes them look illiterate. How could they possibly write a coherent property description or fill out a real estate agreement?

Mistake #2 is beginning the message with "We" and then going on to "we would love…"

Is there anything about the property owner here? Is there anything to remotely attract the attention of the property owner? No, and no.

Sorry, no one cares what they would love.

Mistake #3 is not giving the property owner even one reason why this pair of agents might be a good choice. They're from out of town, so do they have expertise in selling property in Priest River? This is a duplex – do they have expertise in moving rental income properties? Who knows?

Do they offer to help figure out what went wrong?  Heck no. 

Will they send a follow-up? That has yet to be seen, but my guess is no. To date I have never seen any agent in this community (except me, way back when) send more than one prospecting letter.

What should you do instead? 

While this card is a prime example of how NOT to gain a new listing, there are no doubt many effective ways to successfully approach a homeowner with an expired listing. For instance, you could cite your experience and success in selling homes of a specific type or in a specific neighborhood.

Since my set of 12 postcard-sized expired listing messages was written for use by a variety of agents with varying experience, the set begins with this letter:

Dear ,

You just saw your house expire off the market unsold. Why?

Usually, the answer lies in one of the three pieces of the real estate sales puzzle: price, presentation, and marketing. However, there are some other factors, such as negotiation, follow-up, and a buyer’s loan problems, that can play a part.

I’d be happy to send you my report “Why Didn’t It Sell,” or to talk with you in person. Just give me a call at XXX-XXX-XXXX or email me: you@yourdomain.com.

Yours truly,

 

P.S. Tomorrow I’ll explain the first step in figuring out what went wrong.

………………………

Note that I'm telling the reader to expect more, and giving them advance notice that the information could be valuable to them.

You might think of a different, equally good approach. Just remember to make your letter about them and their problems, and to let them know that you have something of value to offer. And of course – proofread, proofread, and proofread again. I doubt if anyone here on Active Rain could/would make that many mistakes in just 49 words, but it's best not to make even one of them. 

If this is the homeowner's first impression of you, make it the best that it can be. 

P.S. If you don't want to write your own expired listing letters and you'd rather send full-length letters or emails, I also have a set of 10 letters, plus special reports, and a short 4-letter set

Graphic courtesy of Stuart Miles@freedigitalphotos.net

Comments (52)

Nina Hollander, Broker
Coldwell Banker Realty - Charlotte, NC
Your Greater Charlotte Realtor

Hi Marte... well, no one ever said that agents were good at writing! And it's not just the message that counts, but the consistency with which to bring back that message to that expired listing.

May 05, 2016 11:01 PM
Marte Cliff

Nina Hollander Absolutely. There's no sense in sending one letter unless you are going to follow through with more. I believe the  Direct Marketing Association says 5 "touches" should be the minimum. 

May 06, 2016 01:54 AM
Alyse "Aly" Sands
AGORA Realty - Nashville, TN
It's Good To Be Home

You are so on the money! If I'm shopping for a service and I see poor grammar I'll move on to the next one. This goes for referring agents in other markets, as well. I have Facebook friends who are college-educated professionals who post run-on sentences, incorrect punctuation, bad spelling, wrong words, etc. My first impression is that the writer is uneducated. Why would I want an uneducated agent to market my home?

May 05, 2016 11:57 PM
Marte Cliff

Alyse "Aly" Sands That just goes to show that a college education doesn't give you common sense or make you smart enough to think about the impression you're giving. 

May 06, 2016 02:00 AM
Richie Alan Naggar
people first...then business Ran Right Realty - Riverside, CA
agent & author

You show what works and what doesn't...Now that's value. Good job Marte Cliff 

May 06, 2016 12:24 AM
Marte Cliff

Thanks Richie Alan Naggar. I appreciate your support. 

May 06, 2016 02:00 AM
Terry McCarley
Coastal Real Estate - Cape Coral FL - Cape Coral, FL
REALTOR, SRES, CDPE - Cape Coral, FL

Great advice!  I haven't gone after expired listings in the past but my business partner and I have decided to start doing so. 

May 06, 2016 12:34 AM
Marte Cliff

Terry McCarley I wish you unbounded success!

May 06, 2016 02:01 AM
Libby Cousins
Extraordinary Processing - Spokane, WA
Contract Mortgage Processor, licensed in WA

It amazes me that someone would spend the time and money to make a marketing postcard (or anything really) and not run the verbiage through a simple spell check. If there is a "we", there should have been another set of eyes that could have checked it. 

Did you contact them and offer your services? ;-)

May 06, 2016 01:43 AM
Marte Cliff

Libby Cousins - Yes, this couple needs grammar check. It's often wrong, but never quite that wrong. 


I didn't contact them - not going to do that. 

May 06, 2016 02:23 AM
Teresa K. Nelson
Compass - Woodinville, WA
Your Trusted Real Estate Advisor

 When I read their postcard I thought, "well, it isnt terrible, but it's not great."  Then  I read how you wrote yours. You are amazing and your gift with the words you chose trumps the other by far - setting the barway above the rest of the ordinary agents.

May 06, 2016 02:11 AM
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Thanks Teresa K. Nelson. I have the advantage of thinking about words all day. When I was an agent and had to squeeze writing/marketing time in between appointments and phone calls it was much more difficult. 

May 06, 2016 02:18 AM
Laura Filip
Laura Filip Broker , Opening doors for All Seasons of Life - Whitesboro, TX
What can we do for you today?

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic.... Spelling and grammar are important .... Follow the topic and make it about them on you... It is hard to find the right statement that does not sound canned. Have a blessed day.

May 06, 2016 03:21 AM
Marte Cliff

Hi Laura Filip RE/MAX UTOPIA | 903-271-4978 Yes, spelling, grammar, and punctuation! A period at the end of a sentence is a real plus. 

May 06, 2016 04:53 AM
Les & Sarah Oswald
Realty One Group - Eastvale, CA
Broker, Realtor and Investor

Great set of letters for expired listings. I am bookmarking the blog for future reference.

May 06, 2016 04:02 AM
Marte Cliff

Thanks Les & Sarah Oswald

May 06, 2016 04:54 AM
Mike Cooper, Broker VA,WV
Cornerstone Business Group Inc - Winchester, VA
Your Neighborhood Real Estate Sales Pro

Great job, Marte. I keep most of the Realtor postcards that show up at my house. They are great fodder for my agents to see what not to do. 

May 06, 2016 04:50 AM
Marte Cliff

Mike Cooper I forget the real quote and who said it, but someone famous said something along the lines that everyone is useful, if only as an example of how not to behave. That's a benefit to your agents to show them the wrong way - and why it's wrong. 

May 06, 2016 04:56 AM
Lyn Sims
Schaumburg, IL
Real Estate Broker Retired

Good stuff Marte. I guess no one proofreads or thinks of what to say before they send the postcard.

They should buy your stuff.

May 06, 2016 06:22 AM
Marte Cliff

Lyn Sims I always proofread and sometimes mess up and miss something. But if I was sending the copy off to have a stack of postcards printed, I'm pretty sure I'd get a second or even third pair of eyes to check it first. 

May 06, 2016 06:42 AM
Brian L. Sirota, Esq.
Bristar Realty (Realtor/Attorney) - Orange, CA
For Solutions: (714) 501-7660

Marte, this is an excellent post, and the lesson should extend beyond prospecting for expireds.   

On Activerain, blogging is so heavily encouraged, little is said to guide the blogger with poor writing skills.   An error-riddled and poorly constructed blog can be more of a detriment than a benefit.   Perhaps those bloggers should delegate the task to someone like you, or consider alternative methods of marketing.

May 06, 2016 06:55 AM
Marte Cliff

Brian L. Sirota, Esq. I harp about these things often, and have been told that a blog is no place my rants on grammar, word choice, etc. My answer was "to each his own." 


I think that bloggers who know they don't have good writing skills need to find someone close to them who will proofread and edit for them - because the best posts really do "come from the heart." And of course, on Active Rain the rules say "Original content only." 


That said, I do offer a weekly blog post service for those who simply want to keep the blogs on their own websites active. 

May 06, 2016 07:27 AM
Mike Wong
Keller Williams Realty Southwest - Sugar Land, TX
Realtor: Commercial, Residential, Leasing, Invest

I think everyone has a different style. This could have been a generic message from a 3rd party provided on behalf of the agent, an assistant, intern, or virtual assistant. This is why I want control of all marketing and media with my name on it, but I admit my VA sent out a flyer campaign that was 1 year old because they didn't proof read. 

May 06, 2016 09:13 AM
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Mike Wong You're right. It could have been one of their children who wrote this, but in the end, the reflection is on them. We are all responsible for anything that goes out with our name on it. 

The rules may have changed here in Idaho, but at one time the broker also had to approve of any marketing materials sent out. 

May 06, 2016 09:21 AM
Olga Simoncelli
Veritas Prime, LLC dba Veritas Prime Real Estate - New Fairfield, CT
CONSULTANT, Real Estate Services & Risk Management

Marte, it's pretty obvious that the postcard you received was not even "touched by a human", or if so, an illiterate one. That aspect alone does not bode well for good service.

May 06, 2016 10:02 PM
Marte Cliff

Olga Simoncelli Someone did address it. But... Idaho (ID) came out looking like Io. 

May 07, 2016 02:20 PM
Gary Woltal
Keller Williams Realty - Flower Mound, TX
Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth

Marte, all your ideas are much more proactive and engaging to the seller. Giving ideas that WORK to sell that home!!

May 07, 2016 02:01 AM
Marte Cliff

Gary Woltal Thanks for your kind comment. 

May 07, 2016 02:20 PM
Robert Vegas Bob Swetz
Las Vegas, NV

Wow Marte ...

You sure know how to write a post, great post and featured to the group:

EXPRESS WITH WORDS AT ACTIVERAIN 

May 07, 2016 12:30 PM
Marte Cliff

Thanks, as always, for your kind words Robert Vegas Bob Swetz

May 07, 2016 02:21 PM
Ron Aguilar
Gateway Mortgage Group - Saint George, UT
Mortgage & Real Estate Advisor since 1995

We can analyze an expired listing but this started as a bad listing in the first place

May 08, 2016 12:27 AM
Marte Cliff

Ron Aguilar I'm missing something. What started as a bad listing? 

May 08, 2016 12:53 AM
Raj Taj

Agree! 

May 08, 2016 04:38 AM
Sandy Padula & Norm Padula, JD, GRI
HomeSmart Realty West & Florida Realty Investments - , CA
Presence, Persistence & Perseverance

As usual, Marte Cliff comes to the rescue with an excellent blog post on a subject we all seem to overlook; expireds!

Jul 26, 2016 08:53 PM
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Thanks Sandy Padula and Norm Padula, JD, GRI NMLS#1483386. The expired listings are out there for agents who want to take the time (or have the time) to pursue them.  

Jul 27, 2016 01:39 AM