Lenza, don't you sleep? or are you picking your kids up? just kidding. on the serious side, colts neck and saddle river don't really classify as NJ.

Peter, Sleep? On occasion. Hey, but you're up too. Trenton has yet to return any of the fees levied, my property taxes, my sales taxes. So until I wake up and find my postal address changed to "Colts Neck, Wyoming" I still consider myself a Jersey guy.

Speaking of which I have to pay a toll and stroll over to New York and visit your blog.

You are too hard on NJ, even though this was tongue-in-cheek.  It's all about the beaches - a skinny state with that much coastline, adjacent to NYC?  DON'T spread the word!  I may retire there one day and I'd like the prices NOT to escalate.  I lived in Philadelphia for years and grew up in northeastern PA but I was born in New Jersey.  Going to the shore was the best thing in the world.  Keep the negative reputation, please.

Shucks, Susan -- you're on to me. I thought I'd play around with the New Jersey stereotype by starting with the title. This was supposed to be a serious blog but it just sort of morphed away from me!

P.S. So far in Monmouth County real estate prices are holding steady (up 5%) but sales have fallen drastically (down 40%).

The moral? If you have quality and price it right, it will sell.

When I think of New Jersey I always thought "congested and busy".  I don't know why...

Now I'll think of your wonderful state in another light.  Thanks Andrew.   

I doubt I'll be relocating anytime soon but my in-laws live in NJ in the summer so we will be up there for a two day party in June.

Kris, Another light? Like the 1,000 watt bulb in the Interrogation Room?

Neal, Enjoy your trip. Give me a call when you arrive ;)

AND, don't forget, we don't PUMP our own GAS in New Jersey .

Pamela, that's right. But you live in Mahwah, New Jersey. That's practically Maine.

Lenza - thanks for the visit last night, toll go up yet? btw, didn't know there was a colts neck, wyoming.

Peter, Not yet. We're working on it. We don't need no stinkin badges.

Sounds a lot like Massachusetts (where I grew up)!

Amie, oh no! You're not a Boston Red Sox/Patriot/Bruin/Celtic fan are you? That's it. I'm moving to Arizona.

Andrew,

Another great 'Lenza' post!!! Hillari.. Clintonesque!!! :^) Thanks,   Fran

"Our cultural mecca is called a mall".  I don't know why, but you got me there.  Before that, I was just smiling - after, roaring!  Sounds like a fun, down to earth, do your own thing kinda place - exactly what I like :)

Fran, allrightee then.

Lisa, I struggled on this one. It's not easy trying to write jokes lampooning your own state and come off original. My aim is to follow up with a serious "Why Relocate to New Jersey" and then link back. I've been reading Adam Waldman's blogs and he writes great reolcation stuff. Trying to attract that market of consumers.

Interesting blog, as always.  I've made one trip to Jersey, a couple of years ago.  Eric's aunt owns the Engleside on Long Beach Island.  First time I'd seen a (prehistoric-looking) horseshoe crab or the Atlantic Ocean.  Wonderful place! 

Oregon is the only other state where you can't pump your own gas.  Why???

When my hubby and I moved here years ago, we pulled over the state line into a gas station.  Being from Illinois and perfectly capable of pumping my own gas, I got out to do just that.

The station owner SCREAMED at me to put the freakin' nozzle down.  I had no clue what was going on. Then he looked at my plates, said "Welcome to Oregon. You can't pump your own gas here."

I must have looked like the biggest idiot staring at him with a blank look on my face as I tried to comprehend such a foreign concept...

17 years later and I STILL can't pump my own gas.

Funny post.  I might have to blog about this...

I agree that Adam writes great relocation blogs. I have several bookmarked for inspiration....maybe after my espresso kicks in.

I was about to say the same thing as Melina, but there... she said it! 

PA is boring? So I shouldn't move there??? OH NO! :((

PA is not boring! We have historic Philly, covered bridges, mountains, and more-we just do not have any sandy beaches.  Delaware does and no sales tax to boot. Personally I prefer Maryland but I do agree Monmounth County is nice. I did a CRS class in Red Bank. :)

Andrew, it sounds like a lot of your New Jersey natives moved there from my old neighborhood in South Philly!  I am one of the few Italians from South Philly that moved West and not over the Walt Whitman Bridge.  I understand your neck of the woods is a little more high brow than South Jersey, but I won't hold it against you.   I love your suggestion for State Slogan!  If I hadn't married someone from Haverford, I would have moved, just like all of my friends, to Washington Township.  I would have been less than one hour when I wanted to go "down the shore"!  Now, I'm two hours and I can't stand the ride!  Thanks for the laugh.  Very entertaining.

Lenza........What is going on in new Jersey.....I did the Google Earth thing on Colts Neck and it came back with "One at a Time Please, Insert another Quarter"  Even a toll for google Earth, now thats a bit much..

C ya

Karen, I've eaten in the Engleside many times on LBI. That's a neat connection.

Melina, The pumping of the gas continues to mystify out-of-state visitors. My wife recently drove through New England and stopped for gas. She doesn't know the difference between a pump and pumpkin. The man read her plates and came out to help, "I git about 3-4 of you Jersey gals a week."

Linda, I could have been in that CRS class in Red Bank. Was it about 4-5 years ago about the Internet and how to use the Technology to build your business?

Susan, "High brow" depends upon where your eyes are when you walk. Trust me. My eyes are steadily on the ground or in the eyes of good, hard-working folk. We don't stand for no lofty airs in my homestead.

Norvell, If you were asked to "Insert another quarter" you're confusing one of those wild purple haze hotel rooms off the highway where the bed shakes when you drop the coin in the beaten up box.

Nothing -- and I mean nothing -- costs only a quarter in New Jersey.

Andrew, this is cleverly written and very entertaining! Only once have I been to New Jersey. Flew into Newark, caught a cab to New York City and then a few days later flew back out. It looked pretty from the air. ;-) No smells, nothing! Loved all of the green. ;-)

Andrew, I loved the post.  I visit my mother- in- law many times a year and she lives on 8a off the New Jersey  turnpike in Monroe Township.  Everytime we travel from the airport to her home, its hard not to miss the wonderful smells. 

Can you write me one of these posts about Illinois?

While it may smell along the Jersey turnpike, there is a most comforting smell along the sandy beaches we have in this great state.

Andrew- Great localism post. Got room for me? I need to move. How much sunshine can one man humanly absorb?

You're too funny.  You forgot to mention Badda Bing!... is that really there?

Tim, Aptly put, aptly put -- the smell of Tropicana oil, Doritos and beer.

Mark, We do have hot summers here, too. We'll get you a big ole floppy hat, smother you in a blanket, pot you on the beach and call you "Rose Kennedy."

Georgina, I'm not the most diligent Soprano's fan. I believe the deli in the show is in Livingtson and recently sold.

Andrew - this is an excellent post about New Jersey, and it is entertaining as well. Great post about the history of your area.

Andrew - My Dad grew up in Jersey - I spent a lot of time up there visiting relatives as a kid and remember it as being REALLY crowded and having really congested streets......I am sure the entire state is not like that, but he was in north Jersey - Mom was in school in NYC and he drove over the GW Bridge to see her - love will do that to you!

No offense, But that is by far the dumbest thing I have read in quite a while, Colts Neck? Wake up to the real word buddy! You might be living it up down close to the jersey shore but New Jersey(the real NJ) doesn't start until after you cross the Amboy bridges heading north. Everything south of that are hard luck commuters who cant afford to live close, and peoples vacation homes. NJ is the biggest hole on the planet. I can say that because I have been born and raised in the garbage dump we call a state. And while you say it has a bad rap. It should get more of a beat down considering the government robbing us blind, new taxes, increases in taxes, traffic everywhere you go(yes, including Colts Neck) too, unless you haven't left you house in the last 30 years or better, and skyrocketing real estate prices that have locked out young people out of the market because they cant even afford to buy starter homes, and that wonderful aroma you get on the turnpike as your passing the oil refinery and garbage dumps to which some have been capped off and houses developments have been built on them so that in a few years as all those kids who live in those communities start to get cancer and every other disease because of poison being leached into the water supply and soil. In which case they might then think building homes on land fills or waste dumps wasn't actually the best of ideas (ever heard of the Toms River medical waste, or Ford motor company dumping chemicals in an old iron mine in Ringwood and today they smell oil and chemicals coming out of the soil and they smell it in the streams) all brought to you by our award winning politicians who where blindfolds so that don't have to say I never seen kickbacks, I just felt the roll on hundreds slowly run down their pant leg. If they nuked this state off the planet, I wouldn't shed a tear. Next time your up this way why dont you ask the local constructon worker or taxi driver, or mechanic how great this place is and why dont you tell them about your head in the clouds fantasy world you think you live in. Just dont forget to wear your running shoes that day!

Andrew, it seems that Adam has a little problem with New Jersey.  My suggestion is he take a detour to Irag, Iran or maybe even North Korea and then maybe he won't be so negative about his home state.  Anyone who suggest that anything you write is stupid is simply just... and forgive me TLW, but stupid! 

I have been there Susan. My name and my wife's name are on display in our City Hall "Wall of Hometown Heroes". So I have taken that detour and I have the right to criticize anything I see that distracts or dilutes the everyday struggle of the Real World most of us live in. And by the way, I don't have a problem with Andrew, but I do have a problem when someone dilutes others to believe things are better than what they really are. And yes, I know some of things he has said was joking. I talk to realtors often since I am in the market to upgrade and I hear the truth of how bad it is out there for many people who are fortunate to live paycheck to paycheck. I have been more fortunate than others. I am prosperous and live a good life. But please, don't misrepresent the living circumstances of most people in NJ by "painting a pretty picture over so much that has been destroyed or are in a process of being destroyed by one form or another. You can polish a turd but at the end of the day its still a turd. And the reason I have such a problem is that I hear it from friends, neighbors, clients, and family of how bad it is and I can see it in their eyes. Maybe you've been walking with blinders on but I still have a pulse and I still have a enough heart to look at others and be thankful for what i have but most important to not be distracted by what I have achieved to blank out what others haven't out with happy thoughts as I guess you do since your industry hasn't doing so well. By the way, to have a blog to it to open dialog with not only people who have good things to say, but with people who have bad things to say. In my case truthful things.

I have been there Susan. My name and my wife's name are on display in our City Hall "Wall of Hometown Heroes". So I have taken that detour and I have the right to criticize anything I see that distracts or dilutes the everyday struggle of the Real World most of us live in. And by the way, I don't have a problem with Andrew, but I do have a problem when someone dilutes others to believe things are better than what they really are. And yes, I know some of things he has said was joking. I talk to realtors often since I am in the market to upgrade and I hear the truth of how bad it is out there for many people who are fortunate to live paycheck to paycheck. I have been more fortunate than others. I am prosperous and live a good life. But please, don't misrepresent the living circumstances of most people in NJ by "painting a pretty picture over so much that has been destroyed or are in a process of being destroyed by one form or another. You can polish a turd but at the end of the day its still a turd. And the reason I have such a problem is that I hear it from friends, neighbors, clients, and family of how bad it is and I can see it in their eyes. Maybe you've been walking with blinders on but I still have a pulse and I still have a enough heart to look at others and be thankful for what i have but most important to not be distracted by what I have achieved to blank out what others haven't out with happy thoughts as I guess you do since your industry hasn't doing so well. By the way, to have a blog to it to open dialog with not only people who have good things to say, but with people who have bad things to say. In my case truthful things.

Adam, I commented on your post rashly, without thinking it through, because I respect Andrew Lenza very much and I think he is one of the best writers on Active Rain.  He's also a very nice man, a wonderful father, a loving husband and a very good realtor.   You won't find a better one in New Jersey. 

I am sure that since you live in New Jersey, you know far more than I do about what goes on there.  Your comment started out with the words "no offense" and it has been my experience that anything that comes after that is usually offensive.  Then you went on to say that Andrew's post was "one of the dumbest things I have read in quite a while".  I think that it is possible to disagree without being disagreeable, so I apologize for my loss of temper on Andrew's behalf.  I disagree with your opinion on the post but I agree that you have the right to comment on it as you see fit. 

Allow me to respond to the comments in the order they appear ...

Adam, First and foremost I recognize your Freedom of Speech and acknowledge the passion to which you exercise it. Before I approach your content permit me two diversions. Read to the end. I may surprise you.

(a) Have you crafted an image of me solely on where I work or live? No biggie. I live in a glass house. We all succomb to an occasional tendency to stereotype or generalize. I come from blue collar roots. My father (RIP) was a high school dropout who custom built homes on Staten Island. Me and my three brothers worked for him. I never exhibited the skillset of a craftsman so I opted for college. I did spend my share of hours and summers hoofing lumber, making a fresh 'mix', ferrying bricks, and of course, fetching coffee. So I would be very comfortable on a job site and only ask of my superiors to issue me simple instructions so I might carry my load and a few minutes to don my steel toes before working.  

(b) The presumption that New Jersey is split along some Mason-Dixon line as to upper crust in the South and blue collar to the North is misleading. North of the Amboys? Like there's rows of shanty towns and assembly lines and burnt-out steel mills. Most of the money from Wall Street flows across the Hudson. Westfield, Upper Saddle River, Montvale, Chatham, Mendham, Englewood -- these towns share similar demographic and affluence ratios as Colts Neck, Rumson, Holmdel etc. And yes, there are people in these towns who are also struggling; double-income families with a gritty work ethic, trying to provide their children with the same positive upbringing.

Other than that I would rate your argument, well, superlative. I share your same frustrations. Were we to meet I would drone on with one of my most repititive statements, that I believe the politicians in Trenton seem to have fashioned a game plan of transforming the middle class into the working poor, so all that's left in New Jersey is the wealthy, the vast army of state employees and illegal immigrants.

Toxicity in the enviroment? I can attribute that as one of the underlying factors in my own son's illness. Runamok property taxes? Yup, education accounts for 75-80% of real estate taxes and there is a disparity between non-Abbot and Abbot school funding. Throwing more money at a problem rarely solves it. Bureaucratic waste? We can go all the way back to Florio, Kean, Whitman, McGreevey. The issues plaguing our state are not couched in "Democratic" or "Republican" colors.

Let's you and I chat about the collosal state Pension Fund obligation borne on every taxpayer's back and how the average assemblyman can work two-three part-time jobs and receive full-time maximum benefits. How about pay-to-play, the legal construct that allows developers and corporations to donate tax-deductible money to local election campaigns. How is that still legal?  

Sympatico? I believe you and I are.

I decided to vent my frustration as a satire. If you believe I wrote this to try and pimp the circumstances to close a sale or grab a listing, then you really do not know me. Nor do I know you. Drat! That whole generalizing pitfall. Fell into it again ;)

But I'd like to. You strike me as a conscientious, intelligent fellow.  You are always welcome to leave a comment on anything I write.

Susan, I know you've adopted me as a little brother but everyone is entitled to an opinion on my blog. The day we censure those with an opposing view is the day we render the Bill of Rights and the Constitution as arcane relics of a bygone ideal.

Adam, I salute and appreciate you and your wife's sacrifice and military service. I am in my mid 40's so I was fortunate that peace characterized my formative years. Were I called I would go.

I don't have a problem with you either. I too have a pulse and a tremendous empathy for those merely existing in New Jersey. My last blog was a lament of foreclosures; I think you would enjoy that one. If you research my posts you'll find an original cartoon of mine lampooning Corzine's state park cuts.

But I do write humorous pieces. I employ satire and parody, my therapy to get through those disappoinments you so succinctly describe.  

In my company we are working more with tenants who are in need of clean, affordable housing in Monmouth County. Sounds like an oxymoron ("affordable housing" and "New Jersey") but we're trying. I wish you every success in your move. I'm pleased to hear of another citizen's prosperity.

P.S. Yes, a public blog is an invitation to engage one's audience. For me it is also a celebration of the Freedoms our original founders intended.

In close to a year and almost 300 posts and over 5,000 comments, I've yet to delete another's remarks. I would if I thought it crossed the line. Neither of your submissions came close. They were articulate and spirited, perhaps a tribute to your upbringing?

Good day, sir and Godspeed to you and yours.

This post makes me want to see New Jersey.

Andrew, aka, my little brother... along with Neal Bloom,  I am very sorry I interfered in this and it won't happen again.  I am an impulsive, overprotective Italian mother and I reacted without thinking.  You are right, everyone has a right to his or her opinion, even if I disagree with it.  Well, everyone except the people who live in my home.  My sincere apologies to you and Adam.

ANDREW - This was really funny, and a lot of this would hold true for Long Island (or at least parts of it).  Must be an NY-NJ thing.  One of my biggest frustrations when I lived in NJ was the driving, and the design of the roads.  Miss a turn there, and you better hope that you're fully fueled and have some food to survive on!

That was REALLY funny. Best thing I've read in ages. Keep it up!

Hey, send me your Colt's Neck rejects referrals that will settle for the Princeton area!