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Is Your Real Estate Agent Bio Just a Little Bit Confused?

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Services for Real Estate Pros with Marte Cliff Copywriting

Is Your Real Estate Agent Bio Just a Little Bit Confused?

Quite often when reviewing agent bios I come across a few lines that tell me the writer got “just a little bit confused.”

The bio might start out in 3rd person – talking about the agent. Or it might begin inconfused monkey first person – with the agent talking directly to his or her web visitor.

But somewhere along the way, the writer forgets who they are, and they switch voices. It goes something like this: “Sally Sue has been living in Seattle her entire life, and I’ll be glad to share my knowledge of the city.” Or it might say “Joe Jones has successfully closed more than 200 short sale transactions. So if you need to short sell, call me today.”

Sometimes there will be just one switch. Other times, the voice switches from one paragraph to the next or one sentence to the next within a paragraph. Then later, it switches back again. 

The confusion can also come about when the writer forgets whether the sentence is about the agent or the prospective client.

For instance: "As an expert negotiator, you can be sure of getting the best possible price for your home." 

You mean the client is the expert? No - that's not what the writer meant, but it's what the words say. 

Switching voices and/or subjects does get a bit confusing for the reader.

Before you write - decide whether you're writing as you, about you, or about the prospect. Then stick with it! 

 

Comments (31)

Anna "Banana" Kruchten
HomeSmart Real Estate - Phoenix, AZ
602-380-4886

Thank goodness I hired a professional to write my bio - Marte Cliff !

Jun 02, 2016 09:55 AM
Marte Cliff

Thank you Anna Banana Kruchten - I appreciate your support, both as a client and as a friend. 

Jun 02, 2016 01:30 PM
Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi
NMLS #216987, IL Lic. 031.0006220, WI Licensed. APMC NMLS #175656 - New Lenox, IL
708.921.6331 - 40+ yrs experience

Oh man.  Now you have me worried, Marte.  Definitely going to check if I committed this error.  Great heads-up!

Jun 02, 2016 10:38 AM
Marte Cliff

Gene Mundt, IL/WI Mortgage Originator - FHA/VA/Conv/Jumbo/Portfolio/Refi Checking is always a good thing. 

Jun 02, 2016 01:30 PM
Janice Zaltman
United Realty Group - Boca Raton, FL
Energy Efficient And Eco-Friendly Homes in Florida

Marte: Really good point.  Noticing more and more that people are expressing themselves in the  first person vs. third person. Still important to watch the grammar. Oh, that grammar!

Jun 02, 2016 10:48 AM
Marte Cliff

Janice Zaltman, LEED AP, GREEN Hollywood Beach Florida There's a time and a place for both - just not in the same document! 

Jun 02, 2016 01:31 PM
Melissa Spittel
Coldwell Banker Residential Brokerage - Westminster, MD
"Achieving Results Together "

Writing in the proper tense and person is very important, but it's easy to "get confused" if you aren't careful. When I was in college, I took a composition course (trust me, it wasn't my idea, it was a requirement for my major). I hated every single day of that class, and I hated every single assignment the instructor made us write. I loathed every time she returned a graded assignment, with red ink and discouraging comments strewn about my carefully written pages. But you know what happened? I kept striving to improve my writing, in hopes my instructor would leave fewer red marks. Now, many years later, I appreciate her tough standards, her constant pushing, her discouragements. When the semester finally ended, I felt like I learned nothing. Now, I realize I learned so much more.

Jun 02, 2016 11:54 AM
Marte Cliff

Melissa E. Spittel I probably would have enjoyed that class, although I dearly hated speech class. 


I wish teachers from the early grades on up would insist that the students write well - whether in an English class or when writing a paper for history or science. It would sure help them later in life. 

Jun 02, 2016 01:41 PM
Lottie Kendall
Compass - San Francisco, CA
Helping make your real estate dreams a reality

You are so smart, Marti, and you help us look smarter, too. Thanks!

 

Jun 02, 2016 02:25 PM
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Lottie Kendall I don't know about being smart - I just happen to be interested in words and in the psychology of marketing. 

Jun 02, 2016 03:03 PM
Debra Leisek
Bay Realty,Inc Homer Alaska - Homer, AK

So True! I tend to go back and forth on past tense present tense.... that is why you should always edit and proof what you write too! Or even better.... have someone like you do that!  Really good post!

Jun 02, 2016 05:39 PM
Marte Cliff

Debra Leisek It always helps to have someone else take a look - or at least to leave things alone for a day and then proofread. 

Jun 03, 2016 01:14 AM
Jennifer Mackay
Counts Real Estate Group, Inc. - Panama City, FL
Your Bay County Florida Realtor 850.774.6582

Thanks so mmuch for pointing this out - we see this now not onliy on profiles but in blogs on TV for commercials - what has happened to education?

Jun 02, 2016 08:22 PM
Marte Cliff

Jennifer Mackay I don't even want to get started on what I think is wrong with education today! 

Jun 03, 2016 01:15 AM
Gita Bantwal
RE/MAX Centre Realtors - Warwick, PA
REALTOR,ABR,CRS,SRES,GRI - Bucks County & Philadel

Thank you for the great tips and advice. I love your posts.

Jun 02, 2016 09:08 PM
Marte Cliff

Thank you Gita Bantwal - I appreciate your support.

Jun 03, 2016 01:15 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good morning Marte Cliff ,

As always you have highlighted a very important tip! It is easy to slip back and forth and why it is so important to edit and proof read before publishing!

Jun 02, 2016 09:31 PM
Marte Cliff

Dorie Dillard Yes - it certainly is easy to slip back and forth. We aren't used to writing about ourselves, so it's almost natural to forget and begin writing "as" ourselves.

Jun 03, 2016 01:16 AM
Marie Story
Coldwell Banker - Pinecrest (Miami) - Pinecrest, FL
Broker Associate, Pinecrest (Miami) Specialist

Marte, this is something I have often thought about.  Do you prefer bios to be written in 3rd person or not? 

Jun 02, 2016 11:02 PM
Marte Cliff

Yes Marie Story, I do prefer bios in the 3rd person. To me they feel less like "Me, me, me - I'm so wonderful, look at me." At the same time, if a person can write it as a letter to the reader and manage not to use "I" too often, first person can work.  

Jun 03, 2016 01:19 AM
Gary L. Waters Broker Associate, Bucci Realty
Bucci Realty, Inc. - Melbourne, FL
Eighteen Years Experience in Brevard County

So what you are saying is that unless you have multiple personalities, don't write in multiple voices?  My other personality says Gary agrees.

Jun 02, 2016 11:50 PM
Marte Cliff

Gary L. Waters, Broker Owner, Waters Realty of Brevard, LLC Hmmm... maybe it would work if you had multiple personalities. But, don't those personalities generally have different names? It's been a while since I've read "The Three Faces of Eve."

Jun 03, 2016 01:20 AM
Nicole Doty - Gilbert Real Estate Expert
Zion Realty - Gilbert, AZ
Broker/Owner of Zion Realty ZionRealtyAZ.com

That's why I always have someone else proof read that kind of stuff for me. Just in case I messed up like that. 

Jun 03, 2016 01:45 AM
Marte Cliff

Nicole Doty - Gilbert Real Estate Expert It's easy to do, and hard to spot when you wrote it yourself. 

Jun 03, 2016 02:38 AM
Theresa Akin
CORPUS CHRISTI REALTY GROUP - Corpus Christi, TX

I see this often and wonder who wrote it. ANd I have looked and thought "Theresa what were you thinking? "

Jun 03, 2016 01:53 AM
Marte Cliff

Theresa Akin I've done the same. I've also asked myself if I was thinking. 

Jun 03, 2016 02:38 AM
Kat Palmiotti
eXp Commercial, Referral Divison - Kalispell, MT
Helping your Montana dreams take root

For one of my online profiles, someone suggested I write in the third person. Kat this, Kat that. So I did, but when I was proofing it, there were all sorts of inconsistencies. I deleted the entire thing and did it my way. Much better result.

Jun 03, 2016 04:03 AM
Marte Cliff

Kat Palmiotti Using the 3rd person when writing about yourself is not an easy task. It's much easier when someone else writes about you and all you have to do is collaborate. 

Jun 03, 2016 04:26 AM
Jeff Dowler, CRS
eXp Realty of California, Inc. - Carlsbad, CA
The Southern California Relocation Dude

Marte

Uh oh, now you have me worried. I think speaking in first person mode is much more conversational and friendly, but perhaps I have not been consistent with that. Better check

Jeff

Jun 03, 2016 09:54 AM
Marte Cliff

Jeff Dowler CRS I think it all depends on your approach/point of reference. First person can work wonderfully if you go at it from the attitude of writing a message to your readers. Third person works better (in my opinion) if you're just writing about you. 

Jun 03, 2016 01:01 PM
Kimo Jarrett
Cyber Properties - Huntington Beach, CA
Pro Lifestyle Solutions

Good stuff and a very good reminder to help us communicate more effectively.

Jun 03, 2016 10:24 AM
Marte Cliff

Kimo Jarrett Clear communication is always the key - whether it's with a client, your spouse, your kids, or a friend. 

Jun 03, 2016 01:01 PM
Praful Thakkar
LAER Realty Partners - Andover, MA
Andover, MA: Andover Luxury Homes For Sale

Marte Cliff - that happens so often - I wonder who this person is talking about.

They start with 3rd person because everyone said so - however the thought process is not congruent with the writing so slipping into first person is natural for these agents.

Jun 03, 2016 01:21 PM
Marte Cliff

Praful Thakkar Yes, it can be amusing at times. 


"Joe Jones is the best agent in the universe, so call me." 


I do think you're right about how it happens. 

Jun 03, 2016 02:18 PM
Mike Baltierra
Rise Realty - Eastvale, CA
Full Service at Your Service Realtor-Eastvale CA

Mike thinks that's really funny and I hope I don't do that.

Oct 22, 2018 11:31 AM
Marte Cliff
Marte Cliff Copywriting - Priest River, ID
Your real estate writer

Mike Baltierra - it's easy to find out. Just read what you wrote!

Oct 22, 2018 12:34 PM