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Here's to you, Mr. Client Who Doesn't Have a Clue

I think one of the best radio campaigns that I have ever heard is Bud Light's "Real Men of Genius" series. The most recent one I heard was honoring "Mr. T-Shirt Launcher Inventor". This post is my own salute to some of the clients that I have had over the years. Even though all of these are referred to as men, the clients could be of either gender:

Here's to you, Mr. Drunken Guy Who Calls Me Each Night to Curse My Name Because Your House Isn't Selling. You, sir, are a class act. In person, you are meek and mild, but come nightfall, your whiskey brings a bravery unmatched by any man. I love the time that I was trying to spend time with my wife, yet I had to spend my time talking you down and setting you straight. The day we closed on your "gentleman's ranch" (how ironic) was the final day that I saw you, and happily so. Gentleman? Not hardly.

A special paragraph is reserved for you, Mr. Amalgam of Clients Who Say One Thing Then Do Another. You are among my favorites. You say that you won't have time to meet, then you call and give me three minutes notice to come meet you at a house that you are sitting in front of. Drop everything? Why not? You are spending a lot of money after all. You are loyal when it suits you and disloyal whenever the heck you feel like it. Your ability to lie to my face is admirable.

This post wouldn't be complete without including you, Mr. I Am Absolutely Willing To Blow the Deal Over Nothing. Perhaps you are the guy who almost ruined a multi-million dollar ranch sale over the deer feeders. Maybe you are the client who gets a deal thousands of dollars under your wildest dreams, only to ask for a little bit more and risk losing the home that your wife has made imminently clear that she wants. Either way, you are a moron, plain and simple.

I almost forgot about you, Mr. Guy Who Clearly Knows More Than I Do, Even Though I Have Spent the Past 11 Years of My Life Selling Homes. You question my every move, even though I have given you no reason to do so. You are convinced that you know more than I do about the current market conditions, or what constitutes a "good deal" today. You take a ridiculous amount of time to review documents, scouring them in order to find where I am taking advantage of you. You will not be receiving a Christmas card or any form of follow up from me. Take your business elsewhere.

Lastly, I would like to address you, Mr. Man Who Asked for Some of My Commission Just Before Signing the Builder's Paperwork. You are in a class by yourself. When you asked, "What did you do to earn your commission?", I had no choice but to laugh in your face, considering how much time I spent with you and your irritating spouse. I should have known that you would back out on three contracts before finally purchasing a home for half the price. Clearly, you are not in my database, as I would like to forget your name and face. Not only do I not want to deal with you, I don't even want you to refer business to me, because your friends probably act the same way.

This post didn't take me very long to write at all - why waste much time on you guys? You certainly didn't spend a lot of time caring about me or my work on your behalf.

If you enjoyed this post, why not connect with me in these other communities?

If you're looking for a home in the Austin area, you can visit my primary Austin real estate website at www.austintexashomes.com. Thanks!

Posted by Jason Crouch, Broker - Austin Texas Real Estate (512-796-7653) on 05/10/2008 03:14 AM

Comments (123)

real men of genius, bud light, bad clients, difficult clients

Post is included in group: AR Comedy Club
Post is included in group: Blast from the past !
Post is included in group: Dedicated Bloggers
Post is included in group: 'JACKED!!!!!
Post is included in group: Realtors®

123 Comments on Here's to you, Mr. Client Who Doesn't Have a Clue

MAY

2008

Parked.

Wow! You said a lot. I agree but I am not used to this kind of a post from you.

Your ability to lie to my face is admirable. Now, that says it all for me.....quite spot on with these observations!

Wow. Hopefully now that you got it off your chest, you won't have to deal with anymore clients like those. We have all had them and you wrote it perfectly! Have a great weekend

Funny Loveseat! I've met nearly all of these clients and hope my ability to spot them from a distance becomes keener. Run baby run!

Woo! Jason! What a collection! You should make your clients pass the "Fun Test"! Makes life a lot more pleasant! And the referrals you get are nicer too!

This is a powerful post!!

Good afternoon Jason- Loved your post. Did you send all those clients my way?? I think I met them all.

JENNIFER - I came back to check on the comments before leaving for an appointment. I haven't seen as much parking going on - thanks for the "callback". Made me laugh.

AMEN!!!!! What no star?

Don R.

Although I feel your frustration (don't we all?), I'm glad to see that your sense of humor is still intact, Jason! Nicely done.

Jason...

We have had a rash of clients backing out days before closing lately so I know Mr. Willing to Blow the Deal over Nothing quite well.

Jason,

This goes along with "Mr Banker who can't accept/decline a short sale offer for more than 2 months" but wants everyone to hang around. NOT.

List and Sell (and choose only good clients) Gary @ RentonHomeFinder

Jason, the Good will turn the page on this chapter and move on.

Jason- ROFLMAO!!! I loved it... I kept hearing the Budweiser song as I was reading the post. Great post.

Best,

Scott

Really well done post about people we all know. You did well making it generic so as not to offend and maybe the drunk won't realize he/she is in this one. I had some smiles. Thanks.

LOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!! Good post Jason. I am a little confused though... how in the world did both of us end up working with the SAME CLIENTS from across the country?

Jason, thanks for the laugh...very well done, my kind of humor...I love it.

Well done, Jason. Your post has universal appeal. I typically attract the guy who knows everything. It appears the more he reviews my credentials the dumber I become.

I actually heard that deep-throated announcer in my head while reading this. ;)

".....Real American heroes..."

Jason,

Since I have my master's in counseling, I have a very keen "jerk" meter. I have walked away from many potential clients, and am always astounded at agents that take S@#% crap from their clients. I remember during a closing where I represented the seller, the lender for the buyer called me about something since the buyer's agent wasn't at closing. The buyer asked to talk to me, and called me a bitch over the phone.

I just laughed and told him that if that was the best insult he had to offer, that he needed to spend more time working on his name calling skills because his were pathetic. Why that other agent put up with this verbally abusive client was beyond me. Soooo not worth it.

Jason, I love this -- hmmm, got me to thinking -- these people must be driving up and down I-35 between San Antonio & Austin. . . Jason, we've been working with the same clients!!!!

Jason,

I guess I am lucky, I have had only one client I couldn't deal with and I have been selling real estate for nearly 15 years. Very funny post.

I guess my clients have moved to Texas and you got em! Funny post.

Whew. I bet you feel better now! :)

HAHA... I love it. They are everywhere aren't they? Some days I just want to pull my hair out.

I almost forgot about you, Mr. Guy Who Clearly Knows More Than I Do, Even Though I Have Spent the Past 11 Years of My Life Selling Homes.

I think every Realtor on the planet has worked with a few of these. TGIF!

Jason, I guess we all have the same clients! Seems like you must have been having a bad day!

Wow! I didn't know all of those same people were trying to buy in Daytona Beach too! That's amazing! LOL And I'll bet this is the easiest post you ever wrote. Rants usually area =)

Jason:

I had one "drinker" who called me about 9pm the night following closing to ask me to come over to help him turn on his lawn sprinkler system (in the dark). I said, "Loose my number!"

I thought all of those clowns were in Ca. driving me nuts.

Jason, I have had the unpleasure pleasure of meeing almost all of these men. The exception would be the first one. I have not yet had that unpleasure pleasure.

I think it's really bad form to call out past clients in a professional setting, Jason. Unless, of course, you are talking about a few of the sons of bitches I've put in my car over the years.

MAY

2008

Good rant! I've had a few of those a-holes myself. Not only are they smarter than I but I can't have but half a mind since I'm a woman! Oops. I'm ranting now. There's not enough money in it to endure all that!

Later in the rain~Deb

Jason,

How about Ms. Impossible who is 78 years old and has the God given right to be as crazy and cantankerous as she darn well pleases?

Or have you meet Miss Freaking Out who is going through menopause and is convinced it has caused her to become a compulsive hoarder. She is also convinced that she should get top dollar for her home without having to do a thing.

This is not a game for the faint of heart!

Loved this most descriptive post Jason.

Haha! Loved it. I"ve had a few of those people.

Here's to you Jason Crouch, a real man of genius. You have somehow managed to turn your name into a brand of its own (like Q-Tip, Xerox and the like). Why, your name appears in the heading of more posts than the words "real estate." While others have been accused of being a "puppet master," you sir, are the real deal. I raise my glass and toast to your excellence.....Kaiser Soze.

Jason - great post. All the grief probably wasn't the smile you brought me this morning, but I appreciate it nonethless.

I can't wait for the sequel....

"Here's to you Mr. Mortgage Lender Genius"......

bwahahaha

Jason that post Rocked! You should open that to the public as well as members. I love that we have had these kind of clients in the past so we can all laugh about it now.

I talked to a title rep whom once told me about a guy that insisted on reading every single required document line by line at the closing, she said "ok, I have other closings to attend, I'll let you read everything and I'll be back in 4 hours"

What your shared is life in the trenches these days. That pretty much sums up how we are being treated. When asked for a reduction...I say "NO! Any other questions?"

My favorite, Mr Deep Pockets always told me what eber he saw he could buy if he liked it, then failed to get financing on the property at the lowest end of this price scale.

Oh yes - this is TOOOOOOOO familiar!!

ROTFL - This is such an appropriate post, Jason. And you helped us laugh through it. When you are in the middle of one of these situations it is a lot harder to laugh!

OMG....too too funny. I caould probably come up with about ten of them myself. Thanks for the laugh.

BRILLIANT !!! My husband has all the tapes, I will never hear these again without thinking of real estate. YOu should send them in, they may need more materials. And RE people drink Bud Light.

Is this what I have to expect as a new agent? Shall I run now? :)

LOL Jason...Been there done that. It feels better to let it out! :)

ROFLMAO! Here is my contribution Jason;

Mr. See 45 houses and not buy anything for fear of losing the deal of a lifetime coming next week!

Jason, Too freakin' funny. ROFLMAO!

I usually don't like rants, but this one is just great. You are hilarious, and I feel your pain. Great feature, but it just hits way too close to home. I am trying to put these clients out of my mind.

Great Post! I could hear the theme playing in the background! Great way to break out the weekend! I think I get to see Mr. I Am Absolutely Willing To Blow the Deal Over Nothing later today!! Yippee!

Priceless.... just like MasterCard. Great post, Jason.

This post wouldn't be complete without including you, Mr. I Am Absolutely Willing To Blow the Deal Over Nothing.

LMAO!

Just dealt with this guy a month ago!!! After losing a spectacular home priced way under market value, I highly doubt this guy is "getting any" these days since his wife has just mentioned to me that "...I just can't get that "other house" out of my head!"

This post was sheer and utter genius!

Repeat after me, "Serenity now, serenity now, serenity now."

OMG - Did you send all those buyers and sellers to my neck of the woods??? I think I've talked o just about all of them!

Now this is funny stuff! Great job on calling out all the flakes. What about:

Mr. I'm Going to Spend Your Time, Ask Your Advice and Have You Help Me , But I'm Going To Use My Wife's Best-Friend's Sister Who Just Got Her License In The End.

God bless all of them. Without these idiots, morons, and pieces of SH... slime, we'd have no fodder for these wonderful blogs! Thanks for the laugh Jason!

Jason...now this rocks and very funny! I'll have to read it out loud in my commercial voice!

well done!

Jason, a classic!

Jason: If I might, I would like to add one that has haunted me for last summer. Mr. I Want To Write Twenty Low Ball Offers during the Summer and Eventually Run You Ragged Looking for a Rental at the Last Minute.

Cool post. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one this kind of stuff happens to. It has happened to the best of us. I think we all could write a book. We had an agent in our office that has been a realtor for 30 years that seems to be in a bad mood all the time. A newbie came up to me and said man that agent is terrible to work with. I told him that after being in this business for 5 years I can tell that after 30 years I will probably be the same way. :)

Make It a Great day!

We especially like the people who call late at night and ramble on and also those who lie to us. Those are very special. Thanks for the post.

How about the guy who applies for financing and is told they will need 5% or 10% downpayment and they say "No Problem" and when asked how much do you have in the bank they respond..."Oh about $300.00". And when asked , "Where are you going to get $30,000 for the downpayment". they reply "Oh that won't be a problem". ............ Yea right, If coming up with that money is "no Problem" then why are all your credit cards maxed out?

Sean Allen

Or how about Mr. "I have excellent credit guy". Who after discussing financing for an hour and talking financing possibilities it is discovered after pulling credit that his scores are in the 500s.

Sean Allen

Jason- you forgot about Mr. Let me waste your time for 3 days and then change my mind about buying. And don't forget Mr. I won't return your call because I don't want to tell you I am not doing anything. Or Mr. I don't want to have you represent me anymore.....Those are men of genius also!

Jason,

Feel Better??? Sit down now, and have a Bood Light!!! :^) Thanks, Fran

1. I have FORTUNATELY not had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Drunken Guy Who Calls Me Each Night to Curse My Name Because Your House Isn't Selling. He sounds like a dream come true.

2. I am well aquainted with Mr. Amalgam of Clients Who Say One Thing Then Do Another but under a different context. Normally my Mr. Amagam's say they are ready to buy and ask for a very specific type of home....then I break my back with showings and comps and spreadsheets - and then they decide to look at a DIFFERNT STYLE altogether - more comps, spreadsheets and shwoings, then they tell me..... "but it will be soooooo much cheaper next year." It's next year - is it sooooo much cheaper? NO! And now most of my Mr. Amalgam's from last year can't get the financing they need so that 1% price drop means nothing. I was crucified by a half-dozen Mr. Amalgam's last year and am learning to steer clear of them now.

3. Now Mr. I Am Absolutely Willing To Blow the Deal Over Nothing is near and dear to my heart because some of clients last year were a combination of Mr. Amalgam AND Mr. I AM Absolutely Willing to Blow the Deal Over Nothing. One couple got stuck at $5000.00 over a $600k transaction. They walked away from buying altogether claiming everything would be dirt cheap by 2008.

4. Mr. Guy Who Clearly Knows More Than I Do, Even Though I Have Spent the Past 11 Years of My Life Selling Homes seems to be getting around, I have encountered so many of those lately that I'm beginning to think that some are actually agents with years of experience in disguise.

5. Mr. Man Who Asked for Some of My Commission Just Before Signing the Builder's Paperwork. These guys are all over the place these days. I just say "no" and walk away.

lol. How did I miss this? I must have been at my real job!

This was priceless!

It should be unfeatured and refeatured...again and again and again. Kind of like those Active Rain posts that keep popping up at the top of the home page!

Thank you JC. This was good.

While we're at it...

Here's to you Realtor that doesn't return my calls during escrow. Your client/niece calls me three or four times a day wondering what's going on. What a deal...You are the sly discount agent, discounting your services for full pay.

Great post -- I love posts with some creativity and this one was perfect! I also work part-time in restaurant management at Chicago's United Center to smooth cashflow between commissions and always am hearing these ads over our in-house PA system -- hearing a new one is always one of the highlights of my night!

Here's to you, Mr. you have no idea how much crap RE and mortgage professionals are dealing with behind the scenes so you experience a smooth and easy transaction!

Ben at GetMortgageWise

I feel your pain Jason. Everyone is a real estate expert these days. And not all clients respect us.

I can relate to some of those. Thankfully, I can't relate to all of them... :) Thanks for sharing! :)

Nice job Jason. I can certainly relate to quite a few of these. One of which I have been out with four of the last five days and I have a breakfast meeting with on Monday! *lol*

I'm sure you won't mind me placing a link to my very important blog here:

Appeal for letters to a US Marine

Heres to you Mr. Show up unannounced thinking I will be sitting in my office all day hoping you stop by.

Also, heres to you Mr. I don't listen to a word you say and still want to do my own thing!

THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE READ IN AGES !!! These things are so sad - and so true. I think we all have some of those same clients!

Jason... buddy. Catch a deal on Airtran... come visit me in Atlanta. We'll go out with some Jeeps and beat the poo out of them on the rocks. God forgives... rocks don't. At some point you will be hanging in the belts while the Jeep sits on the cage...

That is when you will reach for the CB mic and laugh...

You just need a little stress relief.

jason... this was well done. Esepcially your last sentence, that was priceless and right on the money. Nice job..

jeff belonger

Jason- I LOVE THIS POST! I am laughing and relating! We just finished with one of those drunken calling ones who was a mix with your one that just wants to blow the deal, calling the morning of the home inspection on a million plus mansion saying that he wants Nestor to cancel the inspection and closing cause he is having buyers remorse, we closed the next day!

think about this - how boring would our profession be if we did not have these people to make us realize how great our other clients were.... I will take a few of these folks... they make me laugh later and thankful for those that are greatful

MAY

2008

Did you know you just described my last 7 ciients?!!!!!!!

Jason,

Easy to read post on not easy to have clients. I have taken on a client, or two,or more...that if I had been allotted a do over, I would have let them go elsewhere. Some clients are not worth the money in the end, they cost you more, if not with your time, than with your sanity.

You know we want to say this to some of our clients, but can't!

Somebody have a bad day??

LOL! I wish I could say the same to my mortgage clients. They think they should get 100 grand from the bank although they can't get approved to buy a 20 grand car! LOL I should do a blog with that. Thanks for the ideas! :) That's GREAT!!

Jason...this reminded me of an earlier marketing idea I had...what ya think?

Really funny and great post, Jason! These same guys are also tenured professors at Screw U.-Scott

Jason, wonderfully funny (but true!) stuff here. I see it's only the guys, ie MR. so & so's... giving you all that grief. hmmmm...

MAY

2008

Jason those real men of genious adds are great. You certainly have made a good analogy to Real Estate for them - LOL

Jason...How about the folks who make a lowball offer to try and 'steal' one in todays market but then want absolutely top dollar for their own property?...Have a great day!

OMG--I had to laugh (sorry) about Mr. DRUNK calling you in the middle of the night. OHHHHHHHH, and the Know-IT-ALLS. Pricelss post here.

I have the "Real Men of Genious" song in my head now! Great post.

Hi Jason. I like it. A little vinegar on that post. I thought I was the only one writing with such a tone!!

Great Post. Made me laugh.

Ken

I run into a lot of people who know more than me, yet come to me for help. I have told people before that if they know so much, why don't you sell your own house.

Loved the post! I understand the "armchair experts", though, used to be one until I actually became an agent and found out what a "loser-who-really-knows-nothing" I was..... Would love to read more - surely there are other nightmare clients?

Oh My Gosh... someone with my sense of humor. I loved it. Good Post and thanks for making me smile...

MAY

2008

Enjoyed hearing the thoughts behind the face..

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO U GO J A S O N !

MAY

2008

Here, Here. I have met them all, and then some.
Here's to the DELETE button in the database. ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE THIS CONTACT?

Absolutely!

good and entertaining post. I especially like the ad for Russ Martin on 105.3. Have you heard of this one? He is a radio talkshow host here in Dallas. Keep sending them.

Jason,

I just wanted to be the 100th comment on this post!

MAY

2008

There is always that 10% that don't want to cooperate....... Its just part of the business but they never seem to surprize me........ Steer clear of those if at all possible...

Aren't those commercials genius. I love hearing the tribute to Mr t shirt launcher, just can't get enough of it.

okay Jason, you can now stop sending those clients to me ! Arggg !

MAY

2008

Jason, thank you, thank you, thank you for the smile - just spent the evening with Mr Non-Inspector Best Friend Who Is Willing To Trash My Client's Dream Home - and the deal is OFF. My client looked at me like I was a criminal for trying to "get him" to buy the house...yep, this goof is on the list, too.

MAY

2008

The real men of genius series is hilarious...and you have done it justice!!!

MAY

2008

I think you forgot Mr. I know More About Real Estate Becuz I Have Lived In a House this may be male or female and is likely to be a first time buyer of Generation X.

Jason -- Wow...Im sensing some anger issues...Let's talk about those shall we...LOL!!!

MAY

2008

Darn you Jason! - Put these people BACK on your Christmas list and BACK into your database RIGHT NOW. You are putting all of us at risk of having to work with them!

Mr. I Don't Care Who Else Has to Deal With Them Broker Man :)

SANDRA - Your comment made me laugh. Good stuff!

JUN

2008

;) It was a funny post.

AUG

2008

Jason, you rock! That was priceless and I nominate it for the post of the year (if there is such a thing).

Anthony - Thanks! I guess they don't have ActiveRain awards (yet), but I certainly appreciate the vote.

AUG

2008

Jason I have dealt with each of these, all their family members, friends & neighbors from time to time. Great post!

NANNETTE - I think most of us have, if we have been in business very long. I guess that is a sad commentary, in a way. Thanks for your compliment!

I guess they don't have ActiveRain awards (yet)

Well, they should. In fact, there's a good topic for someone to run with! Know what I mean? :)

SEP

2008

Funny post. I'm becoming a fan of yours. Aloha!!!

How about Mr. "we've emailed you for advice, asked you questions and talked to you for over 4 years, but now we have a realtor that we will probably use to sell our house" - who just got her license and knows nothing about the neighborhoood.

Yep, just got to love people!

We all need to write a book. No one would believe it though, or see themselves in it.

Jason! Hurry make it for Members Only! I have to say, great post!

KENGO - Thanks! Aloha -

LINDA - Sounds like a plan. Thanks for your comments!

CALLIE - That's funny - this post is already over four months old, so I guess there's no need to change it now. :)

SEP

2008

Jason: I'm NOT WORTHY my friend! This is SUCH a FUNNY post! And by the way, every one of these guys left you and came to me... I have seen them all in the last seven years... And just like you, they DONT appear in my database! Thanks for the hilarious post that I can SOOOO relate to!

SEP

2008

I'm always a little comforted when a male writes this kind of post; as a female, I sometimes feel that I am challeneged by some male sellers who would not treat a male colleague the same way!

ROFLMAO!!!!

NOV

2008

I loved that Jason and was really laughing out loud. Thanks!!

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