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The Grab Bag - Mother's Day Edition

By
Real Estate Broker/Owner with New Paradigm Partners LLC EB #1326335

Welcome to yet another edition of the Grab Bag, this week featuring Weird Twitter.

 

Full disclosure - there are no Mother's Day tweets below - that was just a cynical and exploitative move to get your eyeballs on here, so if that's really why you clicked on this, you're out of luck. Rather than whine or complain about it, why don't you give your mom a call and tell her how much she means to you - she'll really appreciate it. Or if you're a mom, give yourself a pat on the back - you deserve it.

 

Meanwhile, here's the best we could do for non-partisan weird humor, an increasingly rare commodity.

 

Please enjoy responsibly.

 

 

Treat other people like they know where you live.

@steveolivas

 

And the award for “Most jumping spiders stuffed into a flat, paper receptacle” goes to... squints, leans head away opening envelope

— @vladchoc

 

Imagine creating a lifetime of questions and bewilderment for someone by breaking into their house and putting a ham in their bathtub.

— @CelebrityChez

 

I'm not politically correct. I'm just trying to not be an asshole to other people. Stop overthinking it.

— @SamGrittner

 

I'd like to announce that my big toe shall henceforth be known as Ground Thumb.

— @SpaceGirlK

 

Capitalization can really change a sentence.

Example:

I love to eat candy.

I love to eat capitalization.

— @thenatewolf

 

ME: (unthawing Walt Disney) You need to draw pants for that duck.

— @Tommytoughstuff

 

If I'm faced with a problem, I always take a step back, think a second, and ask myself, "How would someone with coping skills handle this"

— @bridger_w

 

Me [bursting in]: QUICK does any1 have a wrapper from a KitKat bar?!

People: w-why?

Me: there's [panting] there's sometimes KitKats in them

—@dubiousrhetoric

 

Telescopes probably use mirrors which means there is absolutely no way to know how many vampires there are in space.

—@thenatewolf

 

It creeps me out when my dog watches my wife and I have sex. We hide the videotapes, but he always finds them.

@Cpin42

 

Posted by
Mary & Dick

Mary & Dick Greenberg
New Paradigm Partners LLC
2601 S. Lemay Ave. #41
Fort Collins, CO 80525
970-689-4663
www.maryanddick.com

 

Data Source: IRES MLS

Comments (22)

Bob "RealMan" Timm
Ward County Notary Services - Minot, ND
Owner of Ward Co Notary Services retired RE Broker

Good stuff Dick Greenberg , thanks for the morning fun .

May 14, 2017 08:16 AM
Sheila Anderson
Referral Group Incorporated - East Brunswick, NJ
The Real Estate Whisperer Who Listens 732-715-1133

Good morning Dick and Mary. So you tricked us...it's OK I still hope you have a great day.

May 14, 2017 09:13 AM
Michael Jacobs
Pasadena, CA
Pasadena And Southern California 818.516.4393

Hi Dick -- all tricks aside, I especially like the tweets from @ssteveolivas and @bridger_w.

May 14, 2017 09:57 AM
Grant Schneider
Performance Development Strategies - Armonk, NY
Your Coach Helping You Create Successful Outcomes

Good Afternoon Dick - I hope you will be enjoying your Sunday.  A very entertaining post.

May 14, 2017 10:10 AM
Kat Palmiotti
eXp Commercial, Referral Divison - Kalispell, MT
Helping your Montana dreams take root

Haha, those were funny ones!

May 14, 2017 10:25 AM
Kathy Streib
Cypress, TX
Home Stager/Redesign

Oh my gosh Dick- I am so glad that the Tweets are back and hysterical. I laughed through them all. Thank you !!!!!

May 14, 2017 11:21 AM
George Souto
George Souto NMLS #65149 FHA, CHFA, VA Mortgages - Middletown, CT
Your Connecticut Mortgage Expert

Dick OK I am one of the ones you tricked with the title, but I am still going to read the rest of the blog :) :) :)

May 14, 2017 12:22 PM
Joe Pryor
The Virtual Real Estate Team - Oklahoma City, OK
REALTOR® - Oklahoma Investment Properties

It got funnier by the end and the one about vampires will have me thinking for awhile.

May 14, 2017 02:02 PM
Susan Haughton
Long and Foster REALTORS (703) 470-4545 - Alexandria, VA
Susan & Mindy Team...Honesty. Integrity. Results.

They were all funny, but my fave was 

If I'm faced with a problem, I always take a step back, think a second, and ask myself, "How would someone with coping skills handle this"

— @bridger_w

May 14, 2017 02:38 PM
Hannah Williams
HomeStarr Realty - Philadelphia, PA
Expertise NE Philadelphia & Bucks 215-820-3376

My Mothers last words We will take a taxi and meet --- Happy Mother's day Was great for me

May 14, 2017 05:51 PM
Endre Barath, Jr.
Berkshire Hathaway HomeServices California Properties - Beverly Hills, CA
Realtor - Los Angeles Home Sales 310.486.1002

Dick I missed the Grab bag, glad you revived it:)) now to those sentences inside the Grab bag.... I am still thinking about some of them:))) you know the ones that were over my head:))Endre

May 14, 2017 06:46 PM
Myrl Jeffcoat
Sacramento, CA
Greater Sacramento Realtor - Retired

Dick - I like the one about the telescope mirrors and the vampires best. 

May 15, 2017 03:42 AM
Dorie Dillard Austin TX
Coldwell Banker Realty ~ 512.750.6899 - Austin, TX
NW Austin ~ Canyon Creek and Spicewood/Balcones

Good morning Dick Greenberg ,

I had to make sure I stopped by to check out this weeks Grab Bag! As always a very entertaining presentation..I'm with Susan Haughton on my fav:  

If I'm faced with a problem, I always take a step back, think a second, and ask myself, "How would someone with coping skills handle this"

— @bridger_w

May 15, 2017 05:22 AM
Debb Janes
Nature As Neighbors - Camas, WA
Put My Love of Nature At Work for You

You are a big kid, Dick. :) Hope Mother's Day was wonderful at the Greenbergs. D 

May 15, 2017 08:01 AM
Beth Atalay
Cam Realty and Property Management - Clermont, FL
Cam Realty of Clermont FL

Hi Dick, another fine edition to your Grab Bag tweets. I really like the first one by steveolivas.

May 15, 2017 08:06 AM
Chris Ann Cleland
Long and Foster Real Estate - Gainesville, VA
Associate Broker, Bristow, VA

Hands down, the Walt Disney tweet was my favorite. 

May 15, 2017 11:47 AM
Anna "Banana" Kruchten
HomeSmart Real Estate - Phoenix, AZ
602-380-4886

Dick hey it's Monday afternoon and this has been a much needed laugh break from one heck of a fast paces crazy morning!   I can't decide which is my favorite - they're all fun.

May 15, 2017 02:52 PM
Sheri Sperry - MCNE®
Coldwell Banker Realty - Sedona, AZ
(928) 274-7355 ~ YOUR Solutions REALTOR®

Capitalization was my favorite. I wasn't expecting that!

May 16, 2017 10:16 AM
Patricia Feager, MBA, CRS, GRI,MRP
DFW FINE PROPERTIES - Flower Mound, TX
Selling Homes Changing Lives

There were several eurekas for me! Humor and imagination is a great way to get attention! 

Dick, you crack me up!

May 16, 2017 04:24 PM
Scott Godzyk
Godzyk Real Estate Services - Manchester, NH
One of the Manchester NH's area Leading Agents

Not sure how i am just getting to the grab bag on Tuesday, been a little crazy here Dick Greenberg . New listings galore which i love

May 16, 2017 06:36 PM