I was reading some listings from an area just outside my usual territory – trying to get an idea of pricing and condition before heading out on the road. Generally, I know what the condition of the property so some of the public comments fly over me. But tonight was different and while scanning the photos and comments I decided to compile a list of agent-speak descriptions along with some likely “translations.” Since most buyers begin their search online these days, I thought this might be a useful reference to refer to frequently. Happy Hunting!

“Just steps from the train” – you can parachute onto the train from your bedroom window.
“Easy access to major roads” – The house is sitting into the middle of a cloverleaf.

“Easy access to public transportation” – The bus stop is at your front door and the public hangs out on your front lawn waiting.

“Just steps from entertainment” – Don’t count on sleeping before the bars close on Friday and Saturday night.

“Centrally located” – In the middle of everything including heavy traffic.

“Cozy space” – This space is so small that it reminds you of being in an MRI machine.

“Lovingly maintained” – So dated that it makes the Brady Bunch house look modern.

“Put your own stamp on this wonderful space” - by the time you are done with all the necessary renovations, you will have completely redesigned the entire home.

“On the market for the first time in forty years” – Nothing has been done to this house in forty years.

“See the potential” – A potentially budget- busting gut renovation awaits.

“Great starter home with expansion potential” – This house is so small that if you don’t bash out a wall or add another story, years of therapy await.

“In need of TLC” – Bring a sledge hammer – you MIGHT be able to salvage the foundation.

"Begin with a blank slate" - House? What house? You are buying a tear down and a lot.