Welcome to the Grab Bag, an occasional compendium of strangeness encountered while hitchhiking the Information Superhighway. Today, we have just barely enough material from Weird Twitter to perhaps make you laugh, or conversely, to unsettle those few of you who might be "normal". Please enjoy responsibly.
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I slept with this guy who works at Netflix, which was pretty cool because afterwards he recommended other guys I may also like sleeping with.
@LeahKnauer
My identity got stolen but was found a few days later on an orphanage doorstep with a note that said "Nope.”
@Carbosly
In a dog eat dog world, the chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous, of all breeds.
@daemonic3
I had eggs for breakfast and chicken for lunch. It's a powerful feeling to eat two generations of something.
@kevinseccia
Horse drawn carriages are by far the worst drawings of carriages.
@kevingchristy
MEMO FROM HR:
Due to allergies please refrain from bringing your pets to the office until we can fire everyone who has an allergy.
@fro_vo
Listen carefully, as our options have changed. If you like making your own choices, press 1. If you think free will is an illusion, press 1.
@notalogin
I'm not sure what's more confusing, that we would celebrate killing two birds, or that we would need to conserve stones.
@RCKruseKontrol
Built a base for my geriatric in home care by feeding my toddler donuts for dinner tonight.
@KateTaylor69
I hate double standards.When a guy sleeps around he's a "player" but when I do it I'm narcolpetic.
@Eden_Eats
Wow, the other guy in this hot tub is on beer #7 without getting out to use the bathroom. I wish MY bladder was that strong!
@shutupmikeginn
That movie 'The Birds' is on. I wish I was in that movie. I woulda eaten all them birds right off the bat. A deep fryer. A little hot sauce maybe. That shit woulda been a short film. "Where'd all those asshole birds go?" Cut to me wiping my mouth with a napkin and whatnot.
@MrGeorgeWallace
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