It’s here again.

That time of year when it’s 106° in the shade (while sipping on a granizado with a cool water-soaked towel draped around your neck, of course). That time of year when stepping outside feels like you just stepped inside the Volcanic Rock Sauna at Neo Vertika (what a crock of sh*t that was). That time of year when you can look any female straight in the eye and unabashedly ask: “Damn mama, you having a bad hair day?”.

The hottest summer in a hundred years?

So hot it won’t bother getting up in 2008.

“Is this some kind of bulletin? Last I checked, Miami was still 1,814 miles north of the equator. It is hotter than dog sh*t in a skillet today and it’ll be hotter than all the weave I saw at South Beach last night tomorrow. As a matter of fact, it’s been hot every summer since the first Tequesta set foot on this piece of swamp”.

I usually don’t mind the heat. I really don’t. It’s not like I mind showing property on a Friday afternoon when it’s 92°, the humidity is 80% and the most prominent feature in our solar system is baking me like some Nestle Toll House chocolate chip cookie . It’s not like I mind exiting my car and sporting a wet long-sleeve button-down stuck to the middle of my back either.

What I do mind is that local media headlines lately read more like “Man Shot for Material Goods On Way Home to Family After a Hard Day’s Night at Work” and less “Man Helps Blind Lady Cross Street While Carrying Groceries With Teeth”.

HEaT + Low Currency in Circulation = Increased Crime Rate?

Anybody out there know if we got some local criminologists treating these as “mutually inclusive”? I can’t make any conclusions without empirical data. Sorry.

It’s gonna be an interesting summer. Will IT be televised?

Adrian Salgado is a Realtor Associate with RED I Realty in Miami, FL and can be reached at 305-491-7179 or SalgadoA@gmail.com.